When I saw that the above arranged again that the brothers and sisters in the church be taken care of who live in fairly straitened circumstances and sincerely expend themselves for God, I was inexpressibly moved and felt that God really loved men so much that he took care of men meticulously. Then I thought: I must carry out this work without delay, so that all the brothers and sisters can realize God’s love and solicitude and mercy to men. But later, at a meeting, I heard several coordinators report: “All those who perform duties away from their homes have received care. Now the ones who need care are mainly the longtime believers in the churches who have a believing family and who often perform duties. Because it rained heavily last year, all of their crops were flooded. In particular, those who believed in Hua Xuehe in the past, because of their past consecration, do not have many possessions at home. Now they pay their daily expenses and the school fees of their children by selling their grain, and some of them have sold most of their grain and even have difficulty in maintaining themselves.” I could not but begin to calculate: In the churches in these several areas there’re so many people who need care. If all of them are to be taken care of, how much money that will take! But this is a poor place and the money contributed is not much. Even the usual expenses of the churches, we have to depend on other places to help us pay. Now, we have to buy CD players and CDs for the churches, many people want the book of The Word Has Manifested in the Flesh, and besides, the amount of the gospel work is great and there is need of a great number of gospel books…. Ay, forget it. I simply do not take care of them and save some money for God’s family. So, I put a stop to this work. During that period, some brothers and sisters went out to do odd jobs because of being tormented by lack of money, some became passive and unwilling to perform their duties because of being restrained by lack of money, and the gospel work of the churches was also affected.
At a co-worker meeting, the leader checked how we had carried out this work, and I told her my ideas. I thought: I’ve saved much money for God’s family; surely she’ll praise me. However, the leader fellowshipped solemnly, “In the tribulation, God understands men’s weaknesses and difficulties, and he deeply knows how big men’s stature is and to what extent men can experience. So, God’s family has specially arranged that the brothers and sisters who have difficulty in living be taken care of. In this there is God’s intention and God’s great love for men. What God values is men’s life, and for the sake of men’s life, God’s family pays any price. God’s family prints and distributes the books of God’s word, buys CD players and CDs and so on, all for the sake of men’s life. Over these expenses God’s family never begrudges money. But we do not understand God’s kind intention of loving man and saving man. To save some money for God’s family, we did not carry out the work arrangement, so that the brothers and sisters not only can’t taste God’s love for man, but because of being badly off they have returned to the world to earn money to keep body and soul together. Is this after God’s heart? In doing so, weren’t we frustrating God’s work by our good intention?” Then she read the work arrangement again: “Some brothers and sisters have difficulties because of giving up their all to expend themselves for God, and the church must help solve them. A portion of the money offered to God can be taken out to solve such difficulties. Even if their difficulties are caused by natural disasters, other brothers and sisters should give to and help them. When the brothers and sisters who have given up their all to expend themselves for God have difficulties, how much more should we help solve them.”
As I was listening, my mind became restless and I felt sharply reproached in the depths of my heart. God’s heart is sincere and genuine toward men. God always sympathizes with men’s weaknesses, afraid that men may forsake him and return under satan’s power because of straitened circumstances. In order for men to be saved more easily, the above has specially made this arrangement and specified that a portion of the money offered to God can be used to take care of those who have difficulties. Even the difficulties caused by natural disasters God’s family took into account in making the arrangement. God’s love for men is really not hollow or empty but real and practical, so that everyone can feel it personally. As a leader, I, however, did not exalt and testify about God in this matter and lead the brothers and sisters to know the kindness and loveliness of God and taste the warmth of God’s family. Instead, I buried God’s grace, thinking that I had saved a large sum of money for God’s family. I acted according to my ignorant good intention, causing some brothers and sisters to have returned under satan’s authority and their relationship with God to become more and more distant. Am I not a wicked servant who disregards the life and death of the brothers and sisters? How can I compensate for the loss they have suffered in their life? And with what can I make up for the loss I have brought to the gospel work?
At this time, God’s majestic words rang in my ears: “Many people served God by their zealousness and did not know about God’s administration, much less understand the meaning of God’s word. So, with their good intentions, they were prone to do things that disturbed God’s management. The worst ones were expelled from God’s family and never had the opportunity to follow God again and were cast into hell and had nothing to do with God’s family. These people did the work of God’s family out of their ignorant good intentions and finally provoked God’s nature.”
I could not help thinking of the story that Uzzah reached out his hand to hold the ark by his good intention and thus provoked God’s nature and was struck down by God. Then, trembling with fear, I fell down before God: O God, I am too arrogant and ignorant. Though I have followed you for so long a time, I did not have any fear of you and did not at all seek your intention in doing things. I recklessly put the work arrangement aside and acted by my zealousness, and thus I frustrated your work. According to what I have done, I should also have been struck down by you. But you have not treated me according to my evil deeds but given me a chance to repent and mend my way. From now on, I will never again do the work of your family by my ignorant good intentions. I will carry out the work arrangements to the letter, and be a person who behaves properly, has sense, and obeys you.
Kaifeng City, Henan Province