My Inherent Nature Is Also Evil
The word of God says, “…you are the descendants of Moab … he was an illegitimate child. …he was filthy.” To prevent us from falling in sexual matters, God requires us to have proper limits in contacting the opposite sex. The leader also often fellowshipped, “When we come into contact with an opposite sex in our daily life, we should show less care, consideration, and comfort for the other and avoid being with him or her alone, should not create ourselves a suitable circumstance, and should guard ourselves at all times. Otherwise, we will do evil things and offend God and be eliminated by God.” I always had a notion about these words and was not convinced. I thought, “The ‘care’ between brothers and sisters is their mutual love and is their living out of normal humanity. It won’t lead to evil things. Even in the Age of the Grace I didn’t commit them, let alone today.” In the presence of the fact, however, I was convinced.
I had met a brother. When I contacted him for the first time, I felt that he was quite average (his words, actions, features, and dressing were all plain), and that if I should form an attachment to him that would be a huge joke. Later, because of the need of the work, I was often in contact with him. When I was thirsty, he handed me a cup of water; when the road was slippery, he warned me to watch my step; when I had a cold, he urged me to buy medicine; when I was busy with the work, he reminded me to take care of myself…. As for such daily trivialities, I paid no attention to them at first. And I put God’s requirement and God’s warning aside, thinking that it was rather normal for brothers and sisters to care for and consider one another. Gradually, I felt that although the brother was plain-looking and average in speech and behavior, his heart was very kind, which was not bad. So, I often liked to be with him.
Later, the brother was transferred away. Somehow, I had a strange sense of loss. And I could not get to sleep all night, indulging in flights of fancy and passion and lust. His figure floated before my eyes all the time, and his words of tender care kept on ringing in my ears. My mind was completely occupied by him, so that I was in no mood to do my work.
Only then did I realize the gravity of my problem: I had taken a fancy to him from the heart. How could this be? I asked myself in perplexity. At the moment, God inspired me: You are a descendant of Moab, a child of adultery; your inherent nature is evil. Then I remembered God’s words: “Man’s nature is his own life and is a kind of principle by which he lives, which he cannot change. …this thing is exactly part of his nature that is hard to be renewed. …every time … he is in a suitable situation, he will start his thought…. So, I say that this thought is not picked up occasionally but is from his own nature.” God’s words disclose that man’s inherent nature is a part of man’s life and it will break out when he is in a suitable situation. God looks at man’s essence. As I am a descendant of Moab, born of adultery and filthy, my inherent nature is evil and evil is a part of my life. I have not fallen because I have not met a suitable situation. Once I meet one, my evil inherent nature will break out. This is the natural expression of my satanic life, which cannot be covered up. Thank God for his keeping. He transferred away the brother in time so that I have not fallen so deep as to commit something evil and slip into the abyss. Thank God also for his disclosing, which has made me realize that evil is a part of my inherent nature and is what I was born with.
Bazhong City, Sichuan Province