For some time, I preached to a gospel friend. But I failed to bring her over after a long time. A brother fellowshipped with me many times, saying that I should bring the gospel friend before God as soon as possible. At that time, I was somewhat annoyed and even bore a resentment against him.
One day, the leader assigned this brother and me to preach in coordination to that gospel friend. I thought, “You are capable; this time you can talk with all your might.” When the brother fellowshipped with the gospel friend, I thought again, “I’ve preached to this gospel friend for such a long time but failed to bring her over; if this time she is brought over by him, won’t it show that I’m too incapable? Won’t it be obvious that he is superior to me?” So, I did not cooperate with him but just looked on. In the end we failed. I, however, was happy inwardly: “See? You are not capable, either. You criticized me every day, complaining that I failed to bring her over. You also failed, didn’t you? This time, you’ll know how hard it is to bring a person over.” But afterward, I felt quite rebuked in my heart and just couldn’t calm down. Then, I opened the book of God’s word and read these words: “…your speech is low, your life is contemptible, and even all your humanity is low. You are petty-minded in dealing with others and are always narrow-minded in handling things and quarrel over your reputation and position….” “As one who serves, you must be able to safeguard the church’s interests in everything and should not consider your personal interests. You should not act independently and counteract each other’s efforts. Those who can act like this are unworthy to serve God! Such people are too bad by nature and without any humanity. They are purely satans! They are beasts!” The disclosure of God’s words pierced me to the heart. Thinking of my thoughts and doings, I felt very ashamed. For the sake of my reputation and face, I calculated so much and engaged in petty intrigue and preserved myself even at the expense of the life of the gospel friend. Outwardly I was performing my duty, but in my heart I conceived my own wicked plan. I did not consider the interests of God’s family at all, even less pay attention to God’s eager will to save man. I shouted every day that I would devote all my energy to God’s gospel work, but my doings were demolishing the gospel work and were opposed to God. I did not have the slightest humanity. I was simply a beast! Only then did I see that my inherent nature was too malicious and my nature was too bad. Without this exposing of God and the judgment of God’s words, I wouldn’t have known my true self. O God, I offer up my thanks and praises to you. Thank you for your salvation to me. In future, I will warn myself by this matter and put the interests of your family first in everything. And I will coordinate with the brothers and sisters harmoniously, care for your will, perform my duty faithfully, and bring more people before you, so as to repay the grace of your salvation for me.
Longkou City, Shandong Province