Some time ago a work arrangement came, which says that all the literate should practice writing the testimony articles and the communication articles of life experience, and that this is the trend of the work of the Holy Spirit and also a significant sign of the accomplishment of God’s work. Hearing that, I was very excited. I thought to myself, “Now comes the chance to show my ability. I must do my best to write several pieces. If in the future my name, Meng’en, can go down in the historical records of Almighty God’s work in China or in the publications of life experience communication, then how glorious it will be! The more I thought about it, the more delighted I felt.
But I had never expected that when I put pen to paper, my mind would be a blank! After beating my brains for quite a while, I squeezed out only a few poor lines, which even I myself felt awkward to read. I had to tear it up and write it again. Time passed day by day, yet no matter how I searched my mind, I still couldn’t write out one article. I was burning with anxiety: “What’s the matter with me? I never met such a thing before. Although I was not good at writing articles, I should not be stupid to such an extent!” I couldn’t figure it out despite much thought, and my previous “great ambition” disappeared gradually.
Being puzzled, I came before God to seek and examine myself. I thought of these words of God: “When doing every thing, you should examine yourself: Am I doing this thing with a heart of loving God? Do I have any personal intent in doing it? For what purpose am I actually doing it? If you want to give your heart to God, you must first subdue your heart and give up all your own intents until you do everything completely for God. This is the way to practice giving your heart to God. Which aspect does it refer to subduing your heart? It is to drop your fleshly extravagant desires, not to hanker after the blessing of status, not to crave ease, and to do everything for satisfying God; and your heart can be completely for God but not for yourself and this is enough.” “…if one’s state is abnormal or his state is wrong, then his goal of pursuit will not be right and must be with mixtures.” It is so! There were mixtures in my intent of writing the articles. It was not for exalting God or testifying about God, but for showing off my literary ability. How could such an intent not be loathed by God? Since I was totally a wrong person before God, God did not work on me. Then how could I write out good articles? The purpose of God’s family requiring us to write the articles is for the brothers and sisters to read and then be edified and for God to gain glory. However, I, an arrogant and superficial person, wrote articles simply for others to praise me and regard me highly. My doing just ran counter to God’s requirements. How could God inspire a person who disobeyed and resisted him? I wanted to “fully display my talents” and achieve overnight success, yet I could not write out even a single word. It’s just like what God’s word says, “Without God, one can accomplish nothing.” Thank God for his inspiration! Now I have indeed experienced this word deeply. After I corrected my intent and purpose and took up the pen again, I felt that the line of my thought was very clear, and then an article was completed in one breath.
From this experience, I have seen my nature of loving vanity and what I pursued was to be regarded highly by others but not to know God and testify about God. O Almighty God! Thank you. It’s your work that has made me see my ugly features. I hate my satanic nature. I’m willing to rise to cooperate with you. In everything I encounter, I will right my intent, drop my extravagant desires, and take my doings before you for you to search, so as to satisfy your heart.