My Pursuit Was Too Low
Having followed God for several years, I found that I had never had entering in some truths and my life nature had not been transformed much. So, I often felt uneasy and worried about my future and destiny. Recently, in the man’s fellowship “The Realistic Meaning of Being Saved by God,” I read these words: “Of the people who will be left, one portion are those who will be saved because they pursue the truth, one portion are those who will survive because they do service faithfully to the end and thus can be called ‘faithful serving ones,’ …” I thought, “This portion of serving ones must refer to those whose nature is not transformed thoroughly but who do not frustrate the work of God’s family and can do service to the end. God is so considerate of our difficulties. He knows that it is not easy for us to put certain truths into practice, so he is lenient and merciful toward us. Since the fellowship says that the faithful serving ones can also be left, from now on I don’t have to exert myself, nor do I need to worry anymore that I cannot put the truths into practice and cannot be saved. I just have to submit to the arrangements of God’s family, do whatever I am told, do nothing of offending God’s nature, and do service to the end. Isn’t it good enough if I can be left?” Under the sway of this intent, I released the wound “spring” in me; I no longer diligently ate and drank God’s word to equip myself with the truth and was less burdened for my work.
When I was in such a lukewarm state, in the man’s fellowship attached to Christ’s Talks with Some Church Workers, I came across this passage: “The kind of people called serving ones, in order to receive blessings, have to make some efforts to deal with God. They have too much mixture in their belief in God, and they do not have any conscience and sense, much less pursue the truth and life. … Whether what one does is performing duty or doing service is determined by the path he walks: If one is directed by the vision of pursuing the truth, paying attention to life, performing his duty properly for repaying God’s love and satisfying God, and striving toward the goal of being one of the kingdom people, then what he does is certainly performing duty. Anyone who has no truth and who abandons himself and lives in passivity and makes some efforts to deal with God deceitfully is a serving one, and the path he walks is just the path of a serving one. This shows that all those who do service are really people who have no conscience and sense and do not pursue the truth. How then can they have life? Thus, all those who do not have the will, do not pursue the truth, and do not pay attention to life are even unqualified to be serving ones. They are too bad by nature; they hate to accept the truth, distrust God, and even more doubt God’s word. It is their craftiness that ruins them. If a person is really a serving one, he has to do service properly without perfunctoriness and deceitfulness so that he can be a qualified serving one who will be left in the end…. It is not a simple matter to truly become a serving one.”
Measuring myself against these words, I realized that my pursuit was too ugly and too low. Before, I tried hard to expend myself not for pursuing the truth and life and fulfilling my duty, but completely for being left at the end of God’s work. Thus, when I read the word that the faithful serving ones could also be left, I began to take advantage of it according to my own understanding. I gave in to myself and had no desire to make progress, only wanting to be a serving one so as not to be eliminated and destroyed, and paying no more attention to pursuing the truth. And in my duty I was not as burdened as before, and paid no more attention to seeking God’s will, thinking that I just needed to go through with the work. I totally misunderstood God’s will and lived in a passive state. Today, God has come to earth through being incarnated and does work and speaks words practically, bestowing upon us the truth, the way, and the life, so that we can gain the truth, cast off our corruptions, and be saved by God. Only if we diligently pursue the truth and the transformation of our nature in God’s work can we receive the salvation God has bestowed. As for what is mentioned in the fellowship that the faithful serving ones can also be left in the end, it is purely a matter of God’s mercy and grace. It is directed at a small portion of people who are unable to understand the truth due to their poor qualities, but who can spare no effort to pursue to perform their duties faithfully. Although they are called serving ones, they are not the ones who make a deal with God for receiving blessings, but the ones who have the will and who can fulfill the duties of a created being in obscurity and with diligence for repaying God’s love. However, I misinterpreted the fellowship from above and took “being a faithful serving one” as a shortcut to gaining a good future and destination. I was unwilling to try my best to do what I could, and did not seek the truths that I should practice and enter into; instead, I had the idea of taking my chances and wanted to win God’s blessings by the crafty means. Does such an opportunist as me, who only wants to perform some duty perfunctorily so as to be left, have any conscience and sense? Isn’t a person like me, who can’t even meet the standard of doing service, one to be rejected and eliminated by God? How can I be left?
O God, thank you for your timely inspiration and guidance. I have seen my sordid and ugly soul as well as my selfish and low pursuit, and also known the right pursuit I should have while believing in you. From now on, I will no longer deal with you perfunctorily and deceitfully for the sake of my future and destination. I will put more effort into pursuing the truth and the transformation of my nature, get rid of the mixtures in my belief in you early, and do my best to fulfill my bounden duty as a created being to repay your love and satisfy your heart.
Jining City, Shandong Province