My Viewpoint of Believing in God Was Too Absurd
When I accepted God’s new work in 2001, I heard the brothers and sisters fellowship: “We are the most blessed generation. We will be brought by God into the next age before tasting death….” I was very glad and made a resolution inwardly: However hard and difficult it may be, I will follow God to the end. So, I cast away all my worldly encumbrances and expended for God with my “whole mind and body.” No matter how my neighbors sneered at and slandered me and how my husband persecuted me, I did not make any complaint, because I thought that by undergoing these sufferings today I could inherit God’s blessing—never to die.
Unexpectedly, in August 2002, my aunt died. (She also believed in the Almighty God, and she died at the age of fifty-seven.) I could hardly accept this fact. Isn’t it said that those who believe in the Almighty God will never die and will be young forever? My aunt was also in this stream; how come she died? I was perplexed despite much thought and then formed notions about God. I did not want to attend meetings and was unwilling to perform my duty, living in passivity….
One month later, a sister asked me to attend a meeting. I said impatiently: “What good is it to have meetings? I will still die even if I believe in God to the end. I don’t believe anymore! …” Seeing that I was so stiff in manner, the sister was worried to tears. For fear of hurting her feelings, I went with her reluctantly. After I arrived there, I sat in a corner, silent. The church leader said kindly to me: “Sister, you have not attended meetings for a long time. If you have any difficulty, fellowship about it.” I said like a machine gun, “Isn’t it said that those who believe in the Almighty God will not die? My aunt believed properly. How come she died? …” After hearing my words, the sister opened The Summary of Christ’s Preachings and Conversations and read to me “Several Explanations on the People Who Die in God’s Name”: “Today among the people in God’s family there are also a few who meet with misfortune and die early. Only God knows the real situation and the inside story, which man has no way to fathom…. As for those who die, there are no more than the several cases of their outcome: 1. Some people are false believers and are nominal believers. They are unbelieving ones, and are precisely followers who drift along. They are not counted in the eyes of God…. 2. Some old believers who are quite devout pass away peacefully. This is a very normal death, which can be called sleep. … 3. A few people’s death is related to punishment…. What bad things a person has done in private that offended God no one knows, but God searches everything. One should not view matters from the surface. Man’s heart is unsearchable and man’s inherent nature can’t be changed. Whoever resists and condemns God incarnate will be punished and struck down sooner or later. …” After I heard this piece of fellowship, the knot in my heart was untied. Actually, anyone who has died in this stream died for some reason. Only God knows the real situation and the inside story. Although my aunt had accepted the name of the Almighty God, it did not mean that she had been perfected. What she had actually done in private, I have no way to know. Only God is most clear about it, because God has a penetrating knowledge of man. God’s nature is righteous and God will never do anything wrong. Since God has done so, there must be God’s intention in it.
Afterward, when I ate and drank the word of God, I read these words: “Most people believe in God for the sake of their future destination or temporary enjoyment. … In other words, most people believe in God not for fulfilling their responsibility or completing their duty, few people believe in God for living out a meaningful life, and no one thinks that since man lives, he should love God, because it is something right and proper and is man’s mission. …” God’s words made me see that my intent and purpose in believing in God was just for a good destination and for myself never to die. When I saw that my aunt died, I was afraid that my wish would come to naught, and so I became passive and weak, formed many notions about God, complained against God and misunderstood God, and even wanted to leave God. Thank God! Thanks to God’s guidance and inspiration, I feel as if beholding the sun blazing forth from a cloudy sky and have come out of my erroneous viewpoint of pursuit at last. O God! Now I have understood this: As a created being, to worship you and love you is my mission, and I should not have my personal intents and purposes. Whether I will receive blessings or suffer disasters in the future, I am willing to, without any extravagant desires, fulfill the duty that a created being should perform, and pursue to live out a valuable and meaningful life.
Dengzhou City, Henan Province