O God! I Am Indeed Unworthy to Contact You
God says: “When you contact a brother (sister), maybe it cannot show what you are like. But when you contact Christ, it will not be so simple. …your arrogance will sprout at any time…. With such humanity of yours, how could you be worthy to contact Christ?” When I read these words in the past, I thought: It’s true my nature is very arrogant, but I have no doubt about the substance and the identity of Christ. Perhaps others, when coming into contact with Christ, may treat Christ as a human for some reason, but I can treat Christ as God every moment. So, in the face of God’s question, my answer was always affirmative. But of late, I finally denied my affirmation.
One morning, the sister of the host family and I went to the morning market. The sister went over to a stand selling trousers, and the seller warmly introduced two styles of jeans to her. But after a look at them, she said in surprise, “What! Aren’t they old?” I curled my lips and cast her a harsh look, thinking, “You even do not know ‘retro’ or ‘stonewashed’ jeans. You really have no insight. I am far superior to you!” After this, I often criticized the sister for not knowing this or not understanding that. Especially when she asked me about some simple knowledge about life, I was always very impatient and gave her a “teaching,” in a harsh tone and with a superior air.
Before long, the sister who coordinated with me met a similar matter. I fellowshipped with her: “Your nature is too arrogant. You know more than someone else, so you look down on her. You always measure her weak points with your strong ones. Why do you not look at her enthusiasm for pursuing the truth?” While speaking, I suddenly remembered God’s words: “When you contact a brother (sister), maybe it cannot show what you are like. But when you contact Christ, it will not be so simple. …your arrogance will sprout at any time…. With such humanity of yours, how could you be worthy to contact Christ?” God’s words of judgment made me relate myself to the words I just said. Am I not exactly one who is too arrogant by nature? I always thought that I knew much general knowledge of life and was superior to others, so I despised the sister and often assumed airs of a superior being and a teacher to show off. I was so arrogant that I lost my humanity and sense! Then I remembered God’s words: “When God comes to earth to work, he just performs his ministry…. He does not equip himself with more common knowledge of conducting oneself, learn more social skills, or equip himself with any other things man knows. He is unconcerned with all these things man should have, but only does the work within his ministry. So, in man’s eyes, the incarnated God ‘lacks’ too much, and he is even unconcerned with many things man should have and he does not understand them. Such things as the common knowledge of life and the principles of dealing with others hardly have anything to do with him….” Yes! When God comes to the earth, he only does the work within his ministry, and does not equip himself with more common knowledge of conducting oneself or learn more social skills. God’s flesh “lacks” too much in man’s eyes, but God’s normal humanity is sufficient to undertake the work he wants to do. God does not use a transcendent humanity to conquer men, so as to make men admire him and look at him with quite different eyes; rather, he subdues men’s hearts with the truth expressed by his mouth. However, I only “humbled” myself before those who were superior to me or knew more than I did, and what I worshipped was the lofty, admirable, and omniscient God in my notions. Moreover, as I can be arrogant before men because of my arrogant nature, I can also be arrogant before Christ. If I contact Christ and face Christ’s being ordinary and normal, “not equipping,” and “not knowing,” my ugly manner of disdain will surely be fully exposed, and I will deny Christ’s substance of divinity because of Christ’s “lacks.” Not only will I not treat Christ as God, but I will even say without scruple and disguise that I am believing in a human being. At that time, my arrogant nature will ruin me completely. O God! Now I have seen that because I have an arrogant nature and can express those various manifestations without humanity and sense, it is very difficult for me to treat you as God. From now on, I will pursue the truth so as to submit before your normal and practical humanity, and know your substance of divinity more deeply from your normal and practical work.
Harbin City, Heilongjiang Province