After I accepted God’s end-time work, through eating and drinking God’s word, I came to understand that God came this time to do the work of the word and God had set forth all the truths. I thought: Since God has revealed all the truths that we should practice and enter into, as long as I practice according to these words, I will be transformed in my nature and be approved by God. I no longer need to pray or supplicate in everything as I did in the Age of the Grace. Thus, I always paid little attention to my spiritual living concerning prayer. But gradually, I found that I had less and less strength to pursue. Sometimes, I clearly knew that I should practice according to God’s word, yet I just could not do so.
Once, I had a brush with my partner. By eating and drinking God’s word, I knew that we brothers and sisters should try to forbear with and concede to each other, and should drop our self and fellowship openheartedly with each other, so as to establish a normal relationship with each other. However, despite this knowledge, I just had no courage to open myself to the sister. I could not drop myself, feeling that to do that would make me inferior. About this I felt very puzzled: I understand God’s intention and also know what I should practice, but why is it so difficult for me to practice? I was very distressed and had to come before God to seek.
Later, in the man’s fellowship I read this passage: “Besides, it is noteworthy that there is a quite dreadful state in which people practice the truth, that is, they all stay away from God and practice independently, with the result that they become weak and end in nothing. … One cannot leave God at any time but should always fellowship with God in his heart and spirit. If one has no prayer and loses his fellowship with God in spirit, then he will lose the source of life and have no power to practice the truth. Without prayer, one will lose his normal relationship with God, cannot sense the working of the Holy Spirit, and cannot have much result in reading God’s word. We cannot neglect the working of the Holy Spirit. In the Age of the Word, in which the Word has become flesh, there is still the Holy Spirit working. The reading of God’s word calls for the Holy Spirit’s inspiration, and the saints also need the Holy Spirit to work on them. Do not think that since the word has all been revealed, we do not need to pray anymore and all we have to do is to read God’s word and practice God’s word. This thought is not correct. Apart from the working of the Holy Spirit, one can accomplish nothing in believing in God. If one loses the working of the Holy Spirit, he will become a trash and an object to be eliminated. The transformation of one’s nature depends entirely on the working of the Holy Spirit. If one has the working of the Holy Spirit, he has everything. If one loses the working of the Holy Spirit, he loses everything.”
After reading this, I came to understand that it is through cooperating with God and relying on the Holy Spirit to work and give him strength that one can know himself and drop himself and be willing to forsake his flesh to practice God’s requirements; he can never do that only through restraining himself by his own will. However, when I encountered things, I did not know to come before God to look to and seek him and supplicate the Holy Spirit to work on me and give me strength, but I thought that I could put the truth into practice by my perseverance. I was really too absurd and ignorant! Now I had a brush with my partner. Though I knew I should drop myself and fellowship with her openheartedly, yet I did not bring it before God and pray and did not commit my true state to God. Thus, I just could not muster up my courage. Only then did I truly realize that, without the working of the Holy Spirit, by my own will I could do nothing and could only end in failure.
Then, I immediately came before God and prayed: O Almighty God, now I have a prejudice against the sister because of a small matter and I can’t drop myself. I see that I’m too arrogant and self-right and fuss over things, so that our coordination has become a laughingstock of satan. O God, I don’t want to disobey and grieve you anymore, and I don’t want to be fooled by satan anymore. I’m willing to drop myself and coordinate with the sister harmoniously, so that we can do all we can to satisfy you in the work your family has committed to us. May you lead me and give me confidence and strength.
Through prayer, I saw my disobedience and resistance more clearly and saw that I had been so corrupted by satan as to have no human likeness. I fussed over things and was narrow-minded, which was really loathsome to God. Then, I took the initiative to open my heart and talk about my corruptions with the sister. And the sister also opened her heart and talked about her corruptions. Through such openness, we both gained some knowledge of our own corruptions, and were willing to sustain each other in the days to come and fulfill the commission of God’s family together. After the openness, both the sister and I tasted the delight of the working of the Holy Spirit, and we felt that the distance between us was shortened a lot.
Thank God for his leading. Through this experience, I truly realized that only by relying on God can one have strength to pursue, that only by relying on the working of the Holy Spirit can one put the truth into practice, and that by himself one cannot move forth even a single step.
Heze City, Shandong Province