The 153rd hymn from God’s word “How to Avoid Offending God’s Nature,” says: “You will have God in your heart in your heart at all times, and do things according to his words. That will set his heart at rest.” I often sang this song and also knew doctrinally that I should seek God when encountering things, but in real life I did not pay much attention to practicing it. It was not until I had an experience that I came to realize the importance of seeking God’s intention in everything and acting in accordance with God’s word.
Once, I went to sustain two new believers (a mother and her daughter) who did not believe in God before. When I just entered the gate, the mother said, “I’ve wrapped up the books already. You may take them away! I give up my belief, and don’t you visit me anymore.” Facing such a sudden change, I stood there dumbfounded, thinking: You such a person! Your attitude changes so quickly! The first time I came here you received me warmly, but today no sooner had I entered your gate than you wanted to return the books. I can’t take them away this way. I must ask you why you want to return the books, and after knowing the reason I can give an account to my leader after I go back. So, I gave a forced smile and said to her, “Let’s go in and have a chat.” She reluctantly let me sit down. I asked her why she wanted to return the books. She said that she saw her neighbor ran around every day because of believing in God and she had a critical view of that. Hearing that, I thought: Ah, it’s for this reason. I’ll fellowship with her to see if she will change her view; if not, I’ll give it up. Two hours passed; my mouth was parched with talking, while she looked half asleep, which was intolerable for me to see, but I still forced myself to talk with her. In the end, she still insisted on my taking the books away. I gave a sigh and said to myself, “My quality is poor, but I have done my best. Since you stubbornly refuse to listen, I can do nothing else about it. Anyhow, it is not that I haven’t sustained you properly, but that you should not have been preached to according to the principles.” I got up and wanted to leave, but I had an unspeakable sadness in my heart. “What’s the matter? I’d better seek God’s intention,” I pondered. So, I silently prayed to God in my heart: “O God! Today I encounter this matter and there must be your good purpose in it. But now I am already numb. May you inspire me. I’m willing to come before you to know myself.”
In my seeking, God’s words guided me: “What I want are your faithfulness and obedience now and your love and testimony now. Even if now you do not know what testimony is or what love is, you still should hand over your everything and hand over to my hand your only faithfulness and obedience treasured by you.”
God’s words made me suddenly wake up. God wants my present faithfulness and obedience and my present love and testimony. Isn’t now exactly the time for me to enter into these truths? Think about my expression just now. Outwardly I was fellowshipping with the sister, but in my heart I wanted to find out the reason so that I could give an account after I went back. I never thought about how I should be responsible for the sister’s life or how to do my best to cooperate with God to bring her before God. Did I have any faithfulness? Did I have any love? As I performed my duty in this way, how could I set God’s mind at rest? Obviously I was deceiving God, but I thought that I had done all I could. Obviously I was afraid of taking the blame, but I complained that the sister shouldn’t have been preached to according to the principles. Isn’t it permitted by God that the sister acted this way today? Doesn’t God search my thoughts and intentions very clearly?
At that moment I realized my disobedience, and so I secretly made a resolution in my heart: O God! It is not that the sister is not good, but that I am unfaithful. I am willing to cooperate with you, enter into the truths about faithfulness and love, and bear this testimony for you. I will not give up until I bring her into your presence. Then, I took the opportunity of drinking water to fellowship and chat with her again. As I was talking, I unconsciously remembered some Bible stories that I failed to memorize before and the derivation of many “Chinese characters.” Then I talked about them together with the words of God. She listened to me with her eyes wide, and moreover, she asked her daughter to come and listen together with her. When I left, she told me repeatedly to go to sustain them again. After I came back, I realized that if at that time I hadn’t sought God’s intention but had gone my own way according to my disobedient thoughts, the lives of both the mother and her daughter would have been ruined by me. At the thought of this, I was really somewhat scared.
Through this experience, I realized this: God arranges circumstances to test people anytime and anywhere, and anytime and anywhere, there are truths that people should enter into. In the face of actual difficulties, if one does not seek God’s intention or practice in accordance with the truth, then he will only act by his own disobedient thoughts and thus he will leave transgressions in the presence of God. From now on, I will seek God’s intention in everything, put the truth into practice to replace my disobedient thoughts and deeds, bear a testimony of loyalty and obedience in my duty, and strive to be a person trustable and satisfying to God.
Dalian City, Liaoning Province