At a fellowship meeting, the brothers and sisters all talked about their fatal spots. And they fellowshipped that to be perfected, one must spend a great effort to deal with his fatal spot, and that anyone who dared swear to God on his fatal spot was a most backboned person, and was a person who had the courage to be perfected by God. At that time, all the brothers and sisters swore to God. I alone dared not, for I was afraid that once I broke my oath, God would punish me according to my oath. After I got home, I felt rebuked within all the time. So I found the fellowship about swearing: “Today our swearing before God is to declare our resolutions according to the righteousness of God, and it is also for stimulating us to face justice. Such swearing is meaningful. It can play an active role in our practicing the truth to satisfy God, and it is completely after God’s will. Man, having a corrupt nature, is apt to become passive, draw back, and be restrained by his flesh. Nevertheless, man is afraid of being punished and suffering disasters. This is man’s fatal spot. If one practices swearing, it will have a very good effect. After swearing, one dare not be slack and be passive anymore but will strive to pursue progress to satisfy God, for fear that what he does may not be after God’s heart and God will punish him according to his oath. Thus, swearing becomes the greatest driving force for one to enter into the truth and be transformed in his nature…. Just as God said, those who dare not swear are cowards. If one really dares to swear, it shows that he has a great resolution and that he has confidence and is strong-willed and can satisfy God. Anyone who does not dare to swear is an idler, a coward, who does not love the truth or truly love God. Such people will accomplish nothing and have no prospects.” Having read the significance of swearing, I realized that God’s intention is not to put man to death by man’s swearing; rather, God lets man swear according to man’s fatal spot of fearing to be punished, thereby causing man to pursue the truth. Then I recalled the scene that the brothers and sisters dared face the truth and swear. I could not but bow my head in shame: Am I willing to be an idler and a coward for satan to sneer at? No, I must not! So, I nerved myself to swear to God: O God, emotion is my fatal spot. It is an obstacle, a stumbling block, to my life entering in. From now on, I will transcend emotion and obey your every arrangement. If I rebel against you due to emotion, punish me heavily and let me rot in my heart and lungs.
The swearing was truly effective! Before long, the small-district leader asked me to leave my home to perform my duty. At this I was very disconcerted, thinking: I do not have the heart to forsake my husband, leaving him alone at home. When I was about to refuse it, I suddenly remembered my oath before God—“If I rebel against you due to emotion, let me rot in my heart and lungs.” And I also remembered God’s words: “Do you think that your tongue can vow and swear to me at will? How can you swear by the throne of me the Most High? Do you think that your oaths have passed away? I tell you, even if your flesh passes away, your oaths will not pass away. At the end of the time, I will condemn you according to your oaths. …” I was frightened: If I refuse God’s commission and break my oath, isn’t it serious rebellion against God? God’s nature does not tolerate man’s offense. God will certainly punish me according to my oath. Thinking of this, I smothered the words that rose to my lips.
Thereafter, I went out of my home, broke away from worldly encumbrances, and expended for God full time. During these several years, whenever I was inclined to fall due to my emotion, the oath of that day would ring in my ears so that I dared not slack. Although I have undergone much suffering of refining because of that, having had sorrow and shed tears, the suffering is far less than the truths I have gained, Now, whenever I think of these gains, I feel incomparably gratified and cannot but sigh with deep feeling: It is entirely the result achieved by swearing that such an emotional and willless person as me can follow till today. Swearing is indeed the greatest driving force for my entering into the truth and being transformed in my nature.
Nanyang City, Henan Province