By Xianshang, Shanxi Province

A little while ago, every time I heard that the district preachers were coming to our church, I would feel a bit ill at ease. I didn’t reveal my feelings outwardly, but my heart was full of secret opposition. I thought: “It would be best if you all didn’t come. If you do come, at least don’t work in the church with me. Otherwise, I’ll be restricted and unable to commune.” Later, the situation got so bad that I actually hated their coming. Even as such, I didn’t think there was anything wrong with me and certainly didn’t try to know myself in the context of this situation.

Until one day, I read the following passage of God’s word: “The transmission of the moral and ethical teachings of feudalism and the passing down of the knowledge of ancient culture have long infected humanity, turning them into devils big and small. Few are those who would gladly receive God, few who would jubilantly welcome His coming. The face of all humanity is filled with murderous intent, and in every place, a killing breath pervades the air. They seek to cast God out from this land; with knives and swords in hand, they arrange themselves in battle formation to ‘annihilate’ God. … Everywhere in this land are placed idols of all colors of the rainbow, turning the land into a world of sensual delights, while the king of devils keeps laughing wickedly, as if its dastardly plot has succeeded. Meanwhile, man remains completely oblivious, and nor has he any inkling that the devil has already corrupted him to the point where he has become senseless and hangs his head in defeat. It wishes, in one fell swoop, to wipe out everything about God, and once again to defile and assassinate Him; it is intent upon tearing down and disrupting His work. How can it allow God to be of equal status? How can it tolerate God ‘interfering’ with its work among men on earth? How can it allow God to unmask its hideous face? How can it allow God to put its work in disarray? How can this devil, apoplectic with rage, allow God to have control over its imperial court on the earth? How can it willingly bow down to His superior might? Its hideous countenance has been revealed for what it is, so that one knows not whether to laugh or cry, and it is truly difficult to speak of. Is this not its substance?” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Work and Entry (7)). I contemplated the meaning of this passage while reflecting on my recent condition: Why was it that I so disliked the district workers coming to our church? Why wasn’t I willing to let them work alongside me in the church? Was it not because I was worried that if they were to come into the church, they would realize that I wasn’t working according to principle or God’s will and would deal with me with regard to this issue? What’s more, was I not scared that their coming would throw a wrench in my work plans? Was I not scared that they would commune better than me and cause me to lose my privileged status in the hearts of my brothers and sisters? If they didn’t come, I could go about my work plans just as I pleased. Even if my methods did not accord with principle or God’s will, no one would know and certainly no one would deal with me or criticize me. In this way, my standing in the hearts of my brothers and sisters would only become greater, more privileged and more stable. All the brothers and sisters of the church would look up to me, admire me and obey my orders. The whole church would revolve around me. Was this not my true purpose? Was I not scheming to drive out God from the hearts of my brothers and sisters so that I may gain status in their hearts? Was I not a living and breathing example of those poisons of the great red dragon, “The emperor is as far away as the sky,” “There is no king but me”? In order to control and claim dominion over humanity, the great red dragon combated the coming of God with full force, not allowing God to have a hand in the affairs of men, to expose its ghoulish face, to interfere in its plans or govern in its dominion. Thus, it wildly opposed, disrupted, tore down and decimated God’s work. It fantasized that, one day, it could wrest God from the hearts of humankind and fulfill its despicable objective of becoming the eternal arbiter of man and forcing mankind to worship it. What difference was there between my own thoughts and the actions of the great red dragon? Because I wanted to maintain my own status and assure that I could go my own way and not be restricted in my work, I didn’t want to let other leaders or workers supervise or inspect my work. I didn’t want anyone else meddling in the work of my church or watering my brothers and sisters. Why didn’t I want this? Was it not just because I wanted to control and claim dominion over others? Was my ultimate ambition not to proclaim myself king and earthly ruler over my brothers and sisters? I saw that the poison of the great red dragon—that unchecked arrogance and megalomania—had already penetrated to the core of my being. The influence of the great red dragon had long since taken hold within me: I had become as malevolent a demon as the dragon itself. On the surface, I was working to fulfill my duty, but my heart held ulterior motives. In reality, I wanted to break up the throne, set chaos in the ranks and erect my own empire in opposition to God and in obstruction of the execution of God’s will. My nature was pure evil and so terrifying! If not for the harsh revelation and judgment of God’s word, I never would have known to what degree I had been corrupted by Satan and opposed God. I never would have come to realize that, deep within my soul, a dastardly plot had been hatched and that my true nature was so deeply afflicted by evil.

Thank You God for Your revelations and enlightenment, which allowed me to realize my satanic nature of arrogance and vileness. I see that I am, in fact, a child of the great red dragon and of the archangel. God, I vow to seek the truth with diligence and come to a deeper understanding of how the great red dragon’s poison afflicts my nature. I vow, more so, to accept the inspection and supervision of other workers and leaders. I will accept the dealing and pruning of all. I shall place myself under the inspection of the entire congregation so I may fulfill my duties conscientiously to comfort Your heart.