I Am Willing to Accept the Supervision of All
A little while ago, whenever I heard that upper-level leaders were coming to our church to implement some work, I would feel a bit ill at ease. I didn’t reveal my feelings outwardly, but my heart was full of opposition. I thought: “It would be best if you all didn’t come. If you do come, at least don’t water the church with me. Otherwise, I’ll be restricted and unable to commune.” Later, the situation got so bad that I actually hated their coming. But being so numb, I had no understanding of the state I was in, much less did I think to seek the truth to resolve it.
One day, I read the following passage in the work arrangement “Regulations on the Duties of Church Leaders and Workers of All Levels”: “They must visit each regional decision-making team and get a good grasp of their work, resolve the work mistakes and deviations occurring for each regional decision-making team in a timely manner, and especially provide guidance and assistance to those weaker regional decision-making teams so that they can better perform the work for their regions” (Selected Annals of the Work Arrangements of). From these words in the work arrangement, I realized that leaders of all levels should comprehend and come to grips with the real situation of every church they take charge of. Only in this way can they resolve practically all the problems, errors and wrong methods that exist within the work of the church and ensure the smooth running of all church work. This is the primary work responsibility of church leaders. I contemplated the meaning of this passage while reflecting on my recent condition: Why was it that I so disliked the leaders coming to our church? Why wasn’t I willing to water the church alongside them? Was it not because I was worried that, if they were to come into the church, they would find the deviations in my work, and would prune and deal with me for this issue? What’s more, I was scared that they would commune better than me and cause me to lose my privileged status in the hearts of my brothers and sisters. If they didn’t come, I could go about my work plans just as I pleased. Even if my methods did not accord with the truth or with the principles, no one would know and certainly no one would deal with me or criticize me. In this way, my standing in the hearts of my brothers and sisters would only become greater and more stable. All the brothers and sisters of the church would look up to me, admire me and obey my orders. The whole church would revolve around me. Was this not my true purpose? Thinking these thoughts, I became afraid. As it so happened, was I not scheming to drive out God from the hearts of my brothers and sisters so that I may gain status in their hearts? Was I not a living, breathing example of those poisons of the great red dragon, “The emperor is as far away as the sky,” and “There is no king but me”? Later, I read the following passage of God’s words: “The teaching of the feudal code of ethics and passing down of knowledge of ancient culture has long infected man and turned man into devils big and small. … Man’s face is filled with murder, and in all places, death is in the air. They seek to cast God out from this land…. It wishes to wipe out God’s all in one blow, to again insult and assassinate Him, and attempts to tear down and disturb His work. How could it allow God to be of equal status? How can it tolerate God ‘interfering’ with the work among men? How can it allow God to unmask its odious face? How can it allow God to disrupt its work? How could this devil, fuming with rage, allow God to govern its court of power on earth? How could it willingly admit defeat? Its odious countenance has been revealed for what it is, hence one finds himself not knowing whether to laugh or cry, and it is truly difficult to speak of. Is this not its essence? … Demons and evil spirits … have closed off the will and painstaking effort of God, making them impenetrable. What a mortal sin! How could God not feel anxious? How could God not feel wrathful? They cause grievous hindrance and opposition to the work of God. Too rebellious!” (“Work and Entry (7)” in ). In order to control and claim dominion over humanity, the great red dragon combated the coming of God with full force, not allowing God to have a hand in the affairs of men, to expose its ghoulish face, to interfere in its plans or govern in its dominion. Thus, it wildly opposed, disrupted, tore down and decimated God’s work. It fantasized that, one day, it could wrest God from the hearts of humankind and fulfill its despicable objective of becoming the eternal arbiter of man and forcing mankind to worship it. What difference was there between my own thoughts and the actions of the great red dragon? Because I wanted to maintain my own status and assure that I could go my own way and not be restricted in my work, I didn’t want to let other leaders or co-workers supervise or inspect my work. I didn’t want anyone else meddling in the work of the church I led or watering my brothers and sisters. Was it not just because I wanted to control and claim dominion over others? Was my purpose not to proclaim myself king and earthly ruler over my brothers and sisters? I saw that the poison of the great red dragon—that unchecked arrogance and megalomania—had already penetrated to the core of my being. On the surface, I was working to fulfill my duty, but my heart held ulterior motives. The essence of my action was the desire to establish my own empire, and I was defying God and obstructing from being carried out. My nature was so terrifying! If not for the harsh revelation and judgment of God’s word, I never would have known to what degree I had been corrupted by Satan and opposed God. I never would have come to realize that, deep within my soul, satanic plots had been hatched and that my nature and substance had become so corrupt. I had indeed become the offspring of the great red dragon as revealed in God’s words, and I was the progeny of Satan!
Thank God for His revelations and enlightenment, which allowed me to realize my satanic nature. I vow to pursue the truth with diligence and come to a deeper understanding of satanic poisons within my nature. I vow, more so, to accept the inspection and supervision of other co-workers and leaders. I will accept the dealing and pruning of all. I shall place myself under the inspection of the entire congregation so I may fulfill my duties conscientiously to comfort God’s heart.
After Losing My Status
Every time I saw or heard of someone having been replaced and them feeling down, weak or sulky, and not wanting to follow anymore, then I looked down on them. I thought it was nothing more than different people having different functions within the church, that there was no distinction between high or low, that we were all God’s creations and there was nothing to feel down about.
A Haughty Spirit Before a Fall
In the Bible, the Book of Proverbs says, “Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall” (Proverbs 16:18). Just as I was diving head-first into my work with very high hopes, I felt that, in my heart, I was losing touch with God. Not only did my work fail to fall into place, but also the effectiveness of our gospel work went from soaring to taking a nosedive. I fell into an extremely painful position, but wasn’t sure what I did wrong.
I will never be able to forget God’s love and salvation for me. If it hadn’t been for God designing my environment and dealing with my ambitious desires in the early stages of my life, how would I have been willing to let go of the faith that I had been living by for many years and that had become my life?
I Was Not Following Peter’s Path
At this point, I fell down before God: Oh God! Thank You for timely salvation, which made me up from my stupor, realize my real situation, and see that I was still walking the path of Paul the Pharisee. My work and the fulfilling of my duty was exactly the same as the Pharisees, which must have disgusted You.