My Husband Had an Affair—How Can I Escape the Pain
By Yikao, Italy
“One factory is enough for us. Give the other one to that woman and leave her, okay?”
“What’s so shocking about having another woman? I’m not the only one with a mistress these days. Don’t all the other factory owners in town have one? It’s the trend, and it’s a symbol of wealth!”
Hearing my husband say something so shameless made me so angry that I was shaking all over. Never in my wildest dreams had I imagined that the man who had gone through thick and thin with me, who had promised a lifetime of faithfulness to me would have a change of heart!
My Once-Happy Marriage
“Even though we have a lot of debts, as long as we work hard together things will gradually get better. You’re able to go through hardships by my side now, and later when we’re living a comfortable life I won’t have a change of heart. I want to spend my entire life with you and have only you.” That’s the solemn vow my husband made to me when we were newlyweds.
We weren’t well off then, but my husband was clever and capable, so he not only arranged for and worked on everything big or small in our household, but he was also really considerate toward me. Everyone in our town praised him for being a good young man, and I was thrilled that I had found someone I could rely on for the rest of my life. He later signed a contract to take on a materials factory for casual footwear and within two years had repaid all debts. We also got a new house built in town. After that he opened up a steel mill with a friend and made quite a bit of money, so our lives became very comfortable. All the other locals praised us, saying we were really capable but what they envied even more was the love we shared as husband and wife and the harmony in our home. I was totally content and felt I had a really happy marriage.
Unwilling to See My Marriage Crumble, I Do Everything to Save It
But all good things come to an end—to my surprise, my husband started up again with his ex-girlfriend, and on top of that, she herself had a family. I was afraid that he would start living with her so I went to see her mother in secret and asked her to make sure that her daughter didn’t break apart my family, but that was no use. My husband later opened up a steel mill with that woman’s brother and frequently didn’t come back home, using business as an excuse. Seeing that my husband no longer had his heart in our home left me feeling gutted and constantly afraid—my heart wasn’t in anything I did. I wasn’t at all willing to see our happy family disappear just like that, so I tried to think of everything I could do to win him back. Every single day I either prepared health supplements for him or gave him a massage to help dispel his fatigue. Not only did he not appreciate all of this, but became even worse; he even started fooling around with the female owner of a massage parlor. I was in so much pain that I was practically washing my face with tears every day, and sometimes when I felt I really couldn’t tolerate the torment I even wanted to die, to end it all. But when I looked at my little son I just couldn’t bear to let go of him. For the sake of my child and to keep our home intact, all I could do was bury my sadness, grin and bear it, and live a life of days stretching out like years. In my heart I was still hoping that my husband would come around someday.
Working Abroad to Help Pay Off My Husband’s Debt Still Doesn’t Win His Heart Back
I thought that my patience and tolerance would move my husband, but surprisingly, when I gave him an inch, he wanted a mile. One day my husband actually brought a woman who worked at the massage parlor to our house—I totally blew my top and made a scene with him, but to no avail. Even worse, later on he owed a lot of money from the factory he had opened but still didn’t change his ways. He kept on going out and messing around with other women all the time. I couldn’t stand it and brought up the idea of divorce, but he was steadfastly opposed to it and even got family and friends to advise me against it. He even apologized to me in front of some relatives and promised that from then on he’d make a good life with me, make money to pay off the debt, and wouldn’t have any more contact with those women. My heart softened when I heard this and I decided to forgive him so that our child could have a whole home, and so that we could once again have a happy life together. But after that, although he did exercise some restraint, he still wouldn’t completely cut off contacts with those women.
Six months passed and I was feeling like it was too difficult to earn money in China so planned on going overseas to work. My husband was really supportive of that but we only had enough money for one of us to leave the country, so he said that once I had earned enough abroad, he’d follow. I thought to myself, “As long as I make a genuine effort and pay off his debt, he’ll be moved and will completely leave those women, and then maybe we’ll be able to pick up the pieces and make a fresh start.” So, I came here to Italy, and five years passed just like that. I worked like crazy to earn money and pay back the hundreds of thousands of yuan of our debt, but my husband was always finding excuses not to join me. Later my son told me that right after I left the country my husband had asked his ex-girlfriend to move into our home, and then sold the house for food, drink, women, and gambling. When I heard this I was truly about to fall apart and couldn’t help but cry out within my heart, “Oh God! What kind of world is this? How could he do this to me?” I was practically crazed with pain and just kept repeating this over and over. I lost all hope in my husband that time and went back to China to divorce him. Once the divorce was final I took my son back to Italy with me. Even though I didn’t hear anymore more about my husband, his multiple infidelities and the wounds he had inflicted upon me were always in my mind. I just couldn’t understand why I hadn’t been able to win him back after I had put so much into the marriage. Every time I thought of our failed marriage I just couldn’t let it go and was plunged into unbearable pain.
The Grace of God’sComes Upon Me and I Understand the Root of Human Evil
Just as I was in pain, in despair, and at a dead end, two sisters shared God’sof the Age of Kingdom with me. They used God’s words to fellowship with me on the source of human corruption as well as the root of people living in pain. They also shared all sorts of truths, such as how people can cast off suffering and live easily and freely. Listening to God’s words and these sisters’ fellowship made me feel like I had found something to lean on and I had a sense of steadiness in my heart. They also said that since I was overseas all on my own, I could share any difficulties I had with them and they would do anything they could to help me out. I was really moved by their frank words and tears streamed down my face. After a period of time of attending gatherings and reading God’s words I came to understand some truths and knew the root of my husband straying and having an affair. The pain in my heart gradually lessened a bit.
One day, I read this in God’s words: “One after another, all these trends carry an evil influence that continually degenerates man, causing them to continually lose conscience, humanity and reason, and that lowers their morals and their quality of character more and more, to the extent that we can even say the majority of people now have no integrity, no humanity, neither do they have any conscience, much less any reason. So what are these trends? You cannot see these trends with the naked eye. When the wind of a trend blows through, perhaps only a small number of people will become the trendsetters. They start off doing this kind of thing, accepting this kind of idea or this kind of perspective. The majority of people, however, in the midst of their unawareness, will still be continually infected, assimilated and attracted by this kind of trend, until they all unknowingly and involuntarily accept it, and are all submerged in and controlled by it. For man who is not of sound body and mind, who never knows what is truth, who cannot tell the difference between positive and negative things, these kinds of trends one after another make them all willingly accept these trends, the life view and values that come from Satan. They accept what Satan tells them on how to approach life and the way to live that Satan ‘bestows’ on them. They have not the strength, neither do they have the ability, much less the awareness to resist” (“, the Unique VI”).
After reading these words from God I suddenly had clarity within my heart. I saw that mankind’s evil and depravity are due to being misled and corrupted by Satan. In the beginning people possessed some integrity and dignity; they had some morals and knew shame, so everyone knew that having an affair or keeping a mistress was not a good thing, that they would be spurned by others if they did that. But then before we knew it, Satan used all sorts of romantic fiction and TV dramas to inculcate us with evil thinking like “It’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all,” “The red flag at home does not fall, the colored flags outside flutter in the breeze,” “A first-class man has another home, a second-class man has another bed,” “Without a lover, a woman is no better than a sow.” These corrupt and distort our thinking. A lot of people see having an affair or having a mistress as a symbol of having money and skill, adulating and pursuing that as if it were something positive. People no longer know anything of morals or shame, but adore evil more and more. They gradually lose their humanity and conscience, living within evil and licentiousness. I thought of how my husband used to work so hard and fight for our family, that he was an ambitious young man, but when he saw that a lot of the people around him had lovers or mistresses, he was gradually assimilated into that evil trend. He started indiscriminately seeing other women without even a hint of shame, even thinking that it was a sign of being capable. Plus his ex-girlfriend had her own family, but after being steeped in this evil trend paid no mind to morals and shamelessly messed around with my husband. She even brazenly moved into our home after I left the country. I also thought about how divorce and remarriage rates in our society are constantly on the rise, plus getting a mistress and living off of a rich person are very commonplace things. Lots of people betray their spouses because they’ve been steeped in and corrupted by evil trends, deeply wounding their partners and causing their innocent children to lose a complete family. I have now come to understand that all of this is because we lack the truth and have no discernment over the evil fallacies and evil trends from Satan, so we can’t help but follow evil trends, and be manipulated and corrupted by Satan. My husband and his ex-girlfriend were also tempted and corrupted by these satanic evil trends, which is the only reason they disrespected me—they are also victims. Once I realized all of this my detest for my husband and his ex-girlfriend abated somewhat and I felt a sense of release in my heart that I hadn’t felt before.
I Realize My Pursuit of a Happy Marriage Was Unrealistic
After that I read these words from God: “Pernicious influences that thousands of years of ‘the lofty spirit of nationalism’ have left deep in the human heart as well as the feudal thinking by which people are bound and chained, without an iota of freedom, with no will to aspire or persevere, no desire to make progress, remaining instead passive and regressive, entrenched in a slave mentality, and so on—these objective factors have imparted an indelibly filthy and ugly cast to the ideological outlook, ideals, morality, and disposition of humanity. Humans, it would seem, are living in a terrorist world of darkness, which none among them seeks to transcend, and none among them thinks of moving on to an ideal world; rather, they are content with their lot in life, to spend their days bearing and raising children, striving, sweating, going about their chores, dreaming of a comfortable and happy family, of conjugal affection, of filial children, of joy in their twilight years as they peacefully live out their lives…. For tens, thousands, tens of thousands of years until now, people have been squandering their time in this way, with no one creating a perfect life, all intent only on mutual slaughter in this dark world, on the race for fame and fortune, and on intriguing against one another” (“Work and Entry (3)”). God’s words made me realize that what was behind the happy marriage I had been pursuing was Satan’s tricks to corrupt and damage mankind. I had been influenced by traditional thinking like “grow old together, hand-in-hand,” and “a happy husband and wife make for a happy home,” so I always took marital love and a happy home as my goal in life, working for and seeking that end. I thought that gaining that was happiness. When my husband was extremely thoughtful of me I was happy and content and felt that I was the happiness person in the world. When I found out that he was seeing another woman, it was as if I went from heaven down into hell in an instant. I was lost and helpless and felt like my heart was hollow—I was constantly distracted. Hoping to win his heart back, I tolerated the pain of my husband’s cheating and the wounds he inflicted; I prepared supplements for him and gave him massages and I even toiled abroad to repay his debt, thinking it would change his mind and we could be a happy, loving couple again. In spite of everything I did, all I got in return was endless suffering and pain. Now I think about the fact that all of humanity has been corrupted by Satan, and withoutand without seeking the true way, we can’t distinguish between positive and negative things—who has the power to overcome sin? In the right environment we just can’t help but follow the evil trends of the world, living within evil desires and lusts and having affairs. Then our happy marriages no longer exist. In the past when I didn’t possess the truth, I couldn’t see into how Satan corrupts people, so I saw marital love as the primary pursuit in life, and when my own desire was shattered I didn’t want to go on living. I was living within hatred, struggling in my pain. I was deeply wounded and really toyed with by Satan. Now I finally understand that in such a dark, evil age, pursuing a happy marriage is really unrealistic. Not only is it unattainable, but it just brings more pain and sadness.
Understanding the Truth Gives Me a New Direction in Life
Once during my devotionals I read this in God’s words: “Because the essence of God is holy, that means that only through God can you walk the bright, right road through life; only through God can you know the meaning of life, only through God can you live out a real life, possess the truth, know the truth, and only through God can you obtain life from the truth. Only God Himself can help you shun evil and deliver you from the harm and control of Satan. Besides God, no one and nothing can save you from the sea of suffering so that you suffer no longer: This is determined by the essence of God. Only God Himself saves you so selflessly, only God is ultimately responsible for your future, for your destiny and for your life, and He arranges all things for you. This is something that nothing created or non-created can achieve” (“God Himself, the Unique VI”). After pondering God’s words I understood that God is the Creator and His essence is perfect and holy. Only the truths expressed by God can allow us to learn to discern between good and evil, between ugly and beautiful, and to see through Satan’s tactics and tricks to corrupt humanity. Only those truths can allow us to distance ourselves from Satan’s harms and live out a meaningful life. I think about before I gained my faith, when I didn’t have the guidance of God’s words, I wasn’t able to properly deal with my failed marriage but just lived within hatred all the time, subject to torment. I didn’t have the right goal in life. But now God has saved me, and God’s words have revealed the truth of humanity’s corruption and the reason we live in pain. I’ve finally seen the reason behind my husband’s affair and have gained discernment over my own erroneous pursuits and perspectives—I’ve finally come out from the fog of marital betrayal. The truths expressed by God really can resolve our practical difficulties, guide us to cast off our suffering, and find direction in life. God’s words are so precious and so practical. Following God and seeking the truth is the only proper path in life and is the only aim I should pursue! Once I realized all of this I determined to give the rest of my days to God, to really seek the truth, and to be a person in accordance with direction pointed out in God’s words.
In the days that followed I longed more and more to read God’s words and attended gatherings frequently. I spoke to brothers and sisters about all the difficulties I had, opening up my heart and soul in fellowship. I sought a path of practice within God’s words and my life became more and more relaxed and free. Now, I’m more indifferent about the failure of my marriage. When my coworkers ask about my family, I don’t feel the kind of disappointment and hatred for my husband that I used to. I give thanks to God for guiding me to cast off the pain of marital betrayal and allowing me to find the right direction in life! Amen!
How to Get Over a Breakup
Under the influence of romantic dramas, ever since she was small, she longs for a love that will last till the day she died, but her two loves both end in failure. The breakups leave her heart bruised, and she can’t help but think: “Where can true love be found in this world? Why do I always end up betrayed and hurt?” Until one day she comes before God and she finds the answer within God’s words, and at last she awakens from her love-filled dreams.
The Aftermath of My Husband’s Affair (Audio Essay)
Just as she was struggling with this pain, God’s salvation of the last days came upon her. God stretched out His warm, mighty hand, saving her from the abyss of her pain and telling her who had stolen away the love they had shared.
God’s Grace Frees Her From Her Painful Marriage (Part 1)
Strongly influenced by romance novels and the screen idols in soap operas, Jiao yearns for a happy, perfect love, and to grow old together with her one true love. But things do not turn out as she hoped and, soon after she marries, her husband follows worldly trends and has an affair. When she finds out, Jiao almost has a breakdown, and she tries to kill herself twice without success. Afterward, God’s salvation comes to Jiao, and she discovers in God’s words the root cause of all her pain. She is then freed from her painful marriage, and she begins to pursue the truth and starts a new life.
Christian Testimony: A Father and His Step-Daughter Surpass the Ties of Blood (Audio Essay)
God’s words brought sudden enlightenment to Zixuan; it turned out that the family in which every single person is born, their background growing up, and who their parents, relatives and friends are, and so on, all have their source in the sovereignty and predestination of the Creator; it is not decided by parents, much less is it chosen by oneself.