My Life Principles Left Me So Damaged
The phrase “All lay loads on a willing horse” is one with which I am all too personally familiar. My husband and I were both particularly guileless people in the world. When it came to matters that involved our own personal benefit or loss, we weren’t the type to haggle or fuss with others. Where we could be forbearing we were forbearing, where we could be accommodating we also did our best to be accommodating. As a result, we often found ourselves bullied by others. So I really believed the saying “All lay loads on a willing horse” to be absolutely true—if you have too much kindness in your heart, if you’re too accommodating and modest in your affairs, you’re very likely to be bullied. With this in mind, I resolved to no longer subject myself to all that bullying and live in frustration: I vowed not to be too accommodating in future matters and in dealings with others.
After I believed in God, I was working alongside a sister in fulfilling our duties. This sister frequently pointed out my inadequacies and shortcomings; I had the feeling that she was holding me down in every way. At first I was able to exercise forbearance and not make an issue out of it with her. Later, however, after this sister proved to be unrelenting in pointing out my corruption, I finally thought back to that phrase “All lay loads on a willing horse.” It occurred to me that the sister must have recognized that I was too kind and therefore an easy target, so she made things hard on me by nitpicking over petty and inconsequential matters. I decided I was no longer going to be patient and accommodating, so I really lost my temper at her and let out all of my dissatisfaction and resentment, giving her a piece of my mind. Later, the sister asked me to have fellowship with her and apologized to me, saying that she was trying to help me by pointing out my deficiencies, never imagining it would hurt me. Hearing her say this, I was extremely smug, as if I had been victorious in battle. What’s more, I was even further convinced that there was a lot of merit to the phrase “All lay loads on a willing horse.”
Later, while reading “The 100 Axioms of Satan Upon Which Corrupt Humans Rely for Existence” issued by the church, I saw a passage which said: “‘All lay loads on a willing horse.’ … Humanity has been corrupted by Satan for thousands of years and there are countless fallacies which Satan uses to deceive people. Here we summarize 100 fallacies which humanity prizes as precious maxims to guide them through life. These fallacies have already taken root in the deepest depths of the human heart; if not equipped with the truths, humans are largely incapable of uncovering the true nature of these fallacies. If humans continue to hold Satan’s fallacies up as maxims and principles for living, corrupt humanity will never attain.” After reading this passage from the fellowship I had a sudden realization, as if waking up from a long dream: The phrase “All lay loads on a willing horse” was a fallacy created by Satan to deceive and corrupt humankind. God asks that in our interactions with others we should be accepting, patient, tolerant, and forgiving. We should be thoughtful, respectful, and loving toward others. By contrast, Satan’s life principle, “All lay loads on a willing horse,” subtly guides us away from good and toward evil, teaches us to not be too kind or conciliatory in our dealings with others. To protect ourselves, we must practice “an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth,” we must learn to be tough, barbarous, and evil. I realized that “All lay loads on a willing horse” represents a fallacy that is diametrically opposed to the truth—it is Satan’s logic, it is the negative thing of Satan, and is a poison of Satan. Satan works through these specious theories to deceive humans into scheming against one another, murdering in cold blood, engaging in dogged and endless competition, submitting to no one until there is no humanity left within them. In this way humans become as corrupt as Satan itself, sacrificial objects to be buried with it, and Satan achieves its goal of corrupting and consuming all of humanity. I couldn’t see through the illusion and took “All lay loads on a willing horse” as a truth to be accepted and respected. I thought that I couldn’t be too kind or accommodating, and that being patient or tolerant in dealings with others was the way of the stupid and ignorant and would only leave me vulnerable to bullying. Therefore, when this sister pointed out my inadequacies in order to help me recognize them and change for the better, not only did I not accept her comments, but I actually thought she was bullying me and nitpicking at inconsequential details. As a result, I lost my temper with this sister, thus oppressing her. Even when she abased herself and offered me an apology, I still didn’t gain insight into myself or feel embarrassed, but rather sat there pleased as Punch, thinking that I had won, and thus I even further identified with and held aloft the satanic law of “All lay loads on a willing horse.” How absurd, how preposterous I was! I had mistaken wrong for right, getting things completely backward! God’s work in the last days is to cleanse humanity of Satan’s poison, and use truth to change their corrupt disposition. In my own case, however, I hadn’t sought the truth, or strived to dissect and recognize Satan’s poison existing within me, nor did I practice the truth to change myself. Instead, I held on to Satan’s fallacies and rejected the truth. If I continued on like that, I would never begin to understand myself. I would never achieve a change in my disposition and gain the truth. In the end, I would have to be annihilated by God, as is Satan’s fate.
Thank God for His enlightenment and illumination, which allowed me to realize that “All lay loads on a willing horse” is Satan’s axiom, and that it is nothing but a fallacy which Satan uses to deceive and corrupt mankind. This phrase is in direct opposition to the truth, and can only corrupt and ruin mankind. If man attains his sustenance from Satan’s poison, if he acts according to Satan’s axioms, he will only become more corrupt and evil. He will be less and less humane and more and more in opposition to God, removed from God. He will never receive God’s salvation. I vow to put all my effort into God’s word and into my pursuit of the truth, so that I may come to recognize the many varieties of Satan’s venom within me, thoroughly forsake the fallacies of Satan, and no more act according to Satan’s axioms. I vow to seek outin all matters, and follow His word, so that God’s word may take root deep within my heart and become the axioms by which I do things, the standards against which I measure myself, so that I may become someone who entirely lives by God’s word.
After Losing My Status
Every time I saw or heard of someone having been replaced and them feeling down, weak or sulky, and not wanting to follow anymore, then I looked down on them. I thought it was nothing more than different people having different functions within the church, that there was no distinction between high or low, that we were all God’s creations and there was nothing to feel down about.
A Haughty Spirit Before a Fall
In the Bible, the Book of Proverbs says, “Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall” (Proverbs 16:18). Just as I was diving head-first into my work with very high hopes, I felt that, in my heart, I was losing touch with God. Not only did my work fail to fall into place, but also the effectiveness of our gospel work went from soaring to taking a nosedive. I fell into an extremely painful position, but wasn’t sure what I did wrong.
I Have Only Just Begun Walking the Right Path of Life
God elaborately arranged various environments, people, things, and occurrences, and led and guided me step by step using His practical work, allowing me to walk on the right path of life. Every environment and every manifestation was all elaborately planned by God, and behind each lies God’s great love for me.
I Have Seen My True Colors
Due to the needs of the church’s work, I was reallocated to another place to fulfill my duty. At the time, the gospel work at that place was at a low ebb, and the situation of brothers and sisters was generally not good. But because I was touched by the Holy Spirit, I still took on everything that was entrusted with full confidence.