Once, when I read God’s words: “The coming of illness is God’s love, and there must be God’s good purpose in it. … Praise God in illness, and enjoy God in praising,” I felt very confused: Don’t we believe in God just for peace? How can God let us suffer illness? He even says that there is enjoyment in illness. Falling ill is altogether a painful thing. I never heard of one having enjoyment in illness. No one wants to get ill. And I said to God in my heart, “O God, it is your love for us if every one of us is in good health.” From then on, I had a notion about God, and gradually I became unwilling to read God’s word.
One day, I went out to handle something. On the way I got a lift on someone’s bicycle. We were going when suddenly the carrier of the bicycle broke down. Before I became aware what had happened, I was thrown on to the ground, unable to stand up. My legs and face were oozing blood, unbearably painful. Suddenly I found that my left arm was so numb that I lost all sensation in it. I was terribly scared and thought, “I’m finished. Now I’m finished. Probably I am disabled. What should I do? What will others think of me? How come the misfortune, which worldly people have not encountered, has happened to me?” I kept complaining inwardly that God had not kept me. After I returned home, I had sensation in my arm, but it was all the more painful. I had my arm in a sling all day long, unable to do any work. I stayed at home but was in no mood to watch TV. What shall I do? I thought back and forth to myself. Then I thought of God’s word. I held God’s word in my hand and read one piece after another; and every piece was so lucid and clear. God’s word attracted me more and more, so that I could hardly bear to put it down.
In the following half year or more, I did nothing but eat and drink God’s word almost every day. Once, in a piece of God’s word, I read these words: “According to people’s traditional notion, God’s love is God’s grace, God’s mercy, and God’s sympathizing with man’s weaknesses. Although these are God’s love, they are too one-sided and are not the main means by which God perfects people. Some of you began to believe in God because you had a sickness. That sickness was a grace God gave to you. If you had not had that sickness, you could not have believed in God. If you had not believed in God, you could not have followed until today. So, that grace was also God’s love.” Only then did I wake up suddenly and come to understand God’s intention. Unconsciously tears streamed down my face, “O Almighty God, you have loved me and saved me, so that I have seen your wonderful deed and seen your care and keeping for me. O Almighty God! I had a notion about your words before, did not know your intention, and even misunderstood you, but you did not look at my foolishness and ignorance and still saved me. O God, your love is so real. Without the happening of this accident, I would not have truly come before you, nor would I have treasured your word. O God, thank you for your discipline and smiting. It has made me truly experience that the coming of illness is your love.”
Kaifeng City, Henan Province