Whenever I saw the scar on my lip, I was gnawingly sad in my heart, because it was a mark of shame left by my resisting God. And it was this scar that caused me to have a little knowledge of God’s majestic and wrathful nature that is not to be offended.
It was September 2001. God uplifted me to perform the duty as a small-district assistant. In the work I offered several suggestions to the small-district leader and she adopted none of them. Then I thought that she had no regard for me, and thus I formed prejudices against her, no longer willing to coordinate with her harmoniously.
Once, she asked me to go to X’s home to make an arrangement, where she intended to hold a meeting with the church leaders. I said right away: “No! Some of the people purged know that home.” She said: “Let’s go and have a look and then make a decision.” We went there. It happened that the mother of the family died. Now I got a handle against her. I took this chance to disseminate before the brothers and sisters, saying that she handled things improperly and always caused trouble to others, that she was arrogant and self-right and did not accept others’ advices, and so forth. At that time, the Holy Spirit rebuked me within: You are undermining her behind her back! But I did not take heed to that at all; I simply kept venting my personal spite. When the meeting took place, I was still sulking: You are competent, aren’t you? I don’t coordinate with you to fellowship, and let you show off freely! So I sat there with my mouth shut. Seeing my state was not good, the small-district leader passed me the book of God’s word. But I intentionally made an excuse: “My throat is sore and I can’t read.” Just like this, I got through the day sulkily. Of the content of the fellowship that day, I did not take in any word. When evening came, I could no longer sit still, thinking, “I won’t listen to your prattling anymore. I’ll simply go home.” But then I thought that I’d better drag someone for company. So, I said to a church leader: “You need to go home tonight, and now you can go.” I did not expect that she should say: “I don’t go home. If I do, my husband won’t allow me to come out tomorrow. Besides, today’s fellowship is very important, and I want to hear more tonight. Otherwise my church will suffer loss.” On hearing this, without saying a word I rose up and left. Unexpectedly, when I went less than a hundred meters away from the house, my bicycle hit a piece of brick with a bang, and I fell headfirst to the ground. Immediately my face streamed with blood. Covering my face, I ran hurriedly toward the hospital. On the way, God’s words struck my heart from time to time: “You resist, disobey, and knowingly transgress; aren’t you the object of being severely punished?” “As one who serves, you must be able to safeguard the church’s interests in everything, and give no thought to your personal interests. Don’t act independently and undermine each other. People who can act like this are unworthy of serving God! Such people are too bad by nature and without any humanity. They are sheer satans! They are beasts!” I realized this was God’s righteous nature coming upon me. With fear and pain, I felt weak in my legs and kept trembling all over. I thought back to what I did: I really had no humanity and was purely a satan, a beast! God gave this commission to me for the purpose that I could care for God’s will and coordinate harmoniously with the sister, so that the church would be built up and the brothers and sisters be benefited. But for my face and position, I even did the evil things of disseminating, disturbing, and undermining. How could I not nauseate and disgust God? How could I not provoke God’s anger? Today the discipline came upon me, which was the result of my own actions and the punishment I deserved. At the moment, I was overcome by regret and could not but pray to God: O God! I will absorb the lesson of this time and coordinate harmoniously with the sister, and will never again disturb, disrupt, or undermine. If I do not act according to my resolution, may your chastisement and curse never leave me!
In the hospital, the doctor put four stitches in my upper lip and bandaged it together with my skinned right cheek. After that, I returned to the meeting place directly. At sight of me, the brothers and sisters were all stunned, “How could you have become like this in a short while?” At the moment, self-reproach, guilt, indebtedness, and remorse mingled together. Shedding tears, I made a clean breast of my disobedient conduct and the process of my being disciplined by God….
It has been more than two years since this event. But the stigma is still imprinted on my face and also engraved in my heart. It warns me all the time: When coordinating with the brothers and sisters to serve, I must act according to God’s requirements and never again disturb, disrupt, or undermine.
Xinyang City, Henan Province