After I accepted the Last Christ—the Almighty God—in 1998, I gave up my job and offered up my whole being to expend for God. At the same time, my family sister did hosting at home. It could be said that we had “given up” everything for the truth. But whenever I ate and drank God’s word “Your belief in this Christ is only ten or twenty percent, and your love for her is only zero. …,” I felt confused. And in my heart I could not help resisting it and even denying it. Not until God exposed me was I completely convinced.
In September 2002, because of my foolishness, I fell into the hand of the great red dragon. Then I thought: This is the time to ask me for evidence of “triumph” when God’s work is accomplished. I must bear a resounding testimony to shame satan and at the same time to prove that my love for God is “true.” So, I did my best to prepare my mind and constantly prayed to God, beseeching God to strengthen my faith. At first, despite the great red dragon’s cruel torture and wreck, I did not fall because of the weakness of my flesh; instead, I was very grateful to God for letting me see with my own eyes the ferocity of the great red dragon. One week later, I had been tortured to nothing, but the measures of the great red dragon were more brutal… At the critical moment of my life and death, I fell into satan’s temptation. I could not but think: I’ve believed in God for years, only to fall into such a plight. I’m going to die among the strangers, yet even my family do not know it. As I was thinking, my tears gushed forth in floods. Will I really be parted by death from my wife and children like this? The intense longing for my family finally toppled the “stronghold” of love for God in my heart, and my former “lofty spirit and soaring determination” had already disappeared. Should I choose to die or to be a Judas? In the bitter struggle, I prayed to God. Thank God that he inspired me. I felt as if waking from a dream and realized my frailty and the mixture in my belief in God. At this juncture, it was revealed that I did not have any element of love for God. I prostrated myself. Then I remembered the oath I had taken before God: “If I become a Judas, curse my whole family and let us have a traffic accident and die without a complete body….” After much consideration, I finally decided to uphold the testimony for God and choose to die rather than become a Judas. When I dropped the safety of my flesh to satisfy God, I saw God’s almightiness. Thank God that he kept me and delivered me from the hand of the great red dragon, so that I was freed from the den of demons.
Through this event, I saw that my expending of these years was completely out of my zealousness, and was for myself, not truly for God. Hence, when God tried me to a degree, the substance of my inherent nature was fully expressed. What I deeply loved was still my wife and children. In my heart there was no place for God at all, let alone any bit of love for God. In the experience, I gained a little knowledge of the real meaning of God’s word of disclosing: “Your belief in this Christ is only ten or twenty percent, and your love for her is only zero.” And I was sincerely convinced.
Huai’an City, Jiangsu Province