At the end of 2003, a work arrangement said that the gospel could be preached to the pagans; as long as we knew their backgrounds clearly and they had a good humanity and acknowledged there was a God, we could preach to them. My relatives and friends all acknowledged there was a God and had a very good humanity, so the leader asked me to seize the opportunity to preach to them. But I thought, “Ever since I accepted this stage of work, they have been very dissatisfied with me for believing in God and going out every day. In their eyes, I am a person who does not take care of her family and does not keep house. If I preach this stage of work to them, they will not accept it.” Thus, I delayed three to four months and still did not go to preach to them.
One day, I read in the man’s fellowship these words: “I find that there is a kind of disease among all people; that is, they are very self-right and always do things according to their notions, and even give up seeking the truth. … Whatever work they do, they will do it according to their own imaginations and feelings, thinking that that is most reliable. Even if they know God’s words, they disregard them and still believe their own feelings. People all believe themselves more than believing God. In many things, people all act according to their own feelings. … People like to do things by their own ideas, acting willfully and recklessly. This is their greatest disobedience and is also their fatal spot. … As to God’s words and the work arrangements from above, whether people understand them, they should obey them and carry them out and try to understand and experience them in their practice. … People always do things according to their own ideas and cannot drop their notions and imaginations; this will offend God’s nature most easily and is the most serious offense against and resistance to God. If one always sticks to ‘in my view’ and believes himself too much, he is a most troublesome person. Such a person is most loathsome and disgusting and nauseating to God….”
After I read this passage, I examined myself and could not but feel ashamed and guilty. Since the work arrangement says that the gospel can now be preached to the pagans, God will surely work in this regard. However, I always had my own ideas, thinking that I knew them best and my feelings were most correct and reliable. Doesn’t this show that I had no regard for God and was arrogant and self-right? Did I not resist God most seriously? I knew clearly that it is God’s intention to preach to the pagans, but I trusted my own imaginations and did not obey the arrangement of God’s family. Did I have any sense of a created being? If I still do not drop my notions to cooperate with God’s gospel work, won’t I become one detested by God?
Having thought of that, I became afraid and fell before God to pray to him, “O God, I know my notions, imaginations, and judgments are disgusting and loathsome to you. I am arrogant and self-right without any sense of a created being, but you have not treated me according to my disobedience. Instead, you inspired and guided me and gave me the chance to repent and be transformed. O God, I am willing to drop myself and cooperate with you practically and do my best to bring before you the souls belonging to you.”
Afterward, I, by God’s leading, talked to my relatives about this stage of work, and eight of them came before God one after another. And they were all willing to pursue and read God’s word.
Through this experience, I have realized that my feelings and imaginations and notions are not reliable at all, and they are even less the truth. From now on, I will no longer act according to my notions and imaginations. I will do everything according to God’s word, and pursue to be a person obedient to God.
Liaocheng City, Shandong Province