67. The Finest Gift God Has Given Me
Yixin Shijiazhuang City, Hebei Province
Before, I would frequently hear my brothers and sisters say, “Everything that God does is for the best; it is all what people need.” I admitted this and agreed with it, but I didn’t have any understanding through my own experience. Later on I gained some understanding of it through an environment that God created for me.
I had a particularly strong desire for status in my heart. I was always hoping that the leader would pay attention to me and that my brothers and sisters would think highly of me, but reality was never as I hoped it would be. Over several years’ time, no matter who I partnered with when fulfilling my duty, I had always been the “assistant.” No matter what was going on, the leader would always discuss it with my partner and arrange for her to take care of things. It seemed that in the leader’s eyes, I was an insignificant, unimportant person. This really threw me off balance. I thought: “I fulfill the same types of duties and I’m no worse than the others. Why am I always the ‘assistant’? Why am I always under someone else?” I experienced quite a bit of the suffering of refinement because my wishes could never be satisfied, and I was constantly living in the midst of my misunderstanding of God. I could not escape from it. One day, the leader had my partner put together some text, but didn’t ask me to help. That hit a raw nerve for me. Although I knew that I shouldn’t go after that type of worthless thing, I just couldn’t let go of it, and I once again sunk into pain. I thought: Why does this type of situation always find me? Why aren’t these situations ever what I want? Why does God do things like this? I absolutely could not understand it.
Later, when I was eating and drinking the word of God, I saw the following words from God: “Corruption within human nature must be resolved through trials, however. In whichever aspects you do not pass, it is in these aspects that you must be refined—this is God’s arrangement. God creates an environment for you, forcing you to be refined there to know your own corruption. Ultimately you reach a point where you would rather die and give up your schemes and desires, and submit to God’s sovereignty and arrangement. So if people do not have several years of refinement, if they don’t have a certain amount of suffering, they will not be able to avoid the bondage of corruption of the flesh in their thought and in their hearts. In whichever aspects you are still subject to Satan’s bondage, in whichever aspects you still have your own desires, your own demands—it is in these aspects that you should suffer. Only in suffering can lessons be learned, which means being able to gain truth, and understand God’s intention” (“How to Satisfy God in the Midst of Trials” in Records of Christ’s Talks). I felt a wave of warmth in my heart from God’s words, as if God were enlightening me face-to-face, telling me why He was doing things this way, what the goal was, and allowing me to understand His good intentions. With that enlightenment from God, I couldn’t help but turn and take a fresh look at the environment He had created for me. I saw then that God knew me best; He knew the aspects in which the binds of Satan’s influence on me were the worst. He was also clear that my corruption from Satan was most severe in the arena of status. God couldn’t bear to see me always living under Satan’s domain and corrupted, oppressed, tortured, and trodden on by Satan. So, God targeted my nature, and in accordance with what I needed, continually purified me where I was most deeply corrupted by Satan. Those revelations, those chastisements, those refinements—they were all the salvation of God’s love for me. But for so many years, I had never understood God’s good intentions. I wasn’t willing to accept God’s work of “divestment” on me. That is why I was always misunderstanding His benevolence and always felt that He was hard on me, suppressing me, and wouldn’t allow me to really show myself. When I think of it now, if I, as a person who saw status as life itself, had actually had my own way in every domain, my internal desires would have just grown and grown, and in the end I could only have been ruined. I would have been thoroughly destroyed. Only then did I understand the hard work God had done on me for many years; only then did I see that the environments God had created for me were to save me. This is a love that cannot be expressed with words. My heart was moved by God’s sincere love and my misunderstandings toward God disappeared from my heart. I was gladly willing to be obedient within the environment that God created for me.
It was only through this experience that I truly recognized that God creates environments to try and refine mankind. There is both deep meaning and great love within this! The truth is that, for me, when those situations that were not in line with my conceptions were upon me, they were exactly what I needed in life. It was an essential means of God making me recognize and obey Him in order to save me and make me perfect. Just as a mother really understands the health of her own children—which child needs what, what nutrition they need supplemented—a mother understands that well. Today, what God does in people’s lives is the same. God creates an environment for people and everything He does in their lives is only based on what they need. All of it is whatever is most beneficial for their lives and it is to allow them to gain the truth, to attain obedience to God, and throw off the influence of Satan. If people can be obedient within the environment that God has created for them, they can gain the truth, gain life, and in the end they can gain perfection from God. If people give free rein to their own temperament and preferences and have God satisfy them, then not only will they not gain anything at all, but they will disgust God, and in the end can only harm and ruin themselves. This is because what people like isn’t suitable for them, and it is even less beneficial for God’s salvation and perfection of them. Only what God gives mankind is best; only that is what people need most. It was at that time that I finally had some practical understanding of what God said: “Today’s path is the road of judgment and curse, but you should know that what I have given to you, in spite of any judgment or chastisement, is the finest gift that I can give to you. It is all what you most urgently need.”
I give thanks to God’s enlightenment that has allowed me to gain some knowledge and understanding of God’s work on me, and to see that the more I am unwilling to accept something, the more I need it, and the more I should accept it. Only this way will I be able to gain what God is giving to me. I also realize that God’s essence is good, and what He does for mankind is all love. It is all what is most beneficial for people’s lives; it is the sustenance most needed in people’s lives, and it is the finest gift given to man by God. From today forward, I am willing to put myself entirely in God’s hands, to obey and accept all the work that God completes on me. I am willing to seek to know the truth, to gain the truth, and to achieve a change in disposition soon within the environment that God creates for me.