Qin Shuting Linyi City, Shandong Province
For some time, although I had not ceased to eat and drink the words of God, I never felt the light. I had prayed to God for this but, afterward, I had still not been enlightened. So I thought, “I have eaten and drunk what I should have and God is not enlightening me. There is nothing I can do, and I do not have the faculty to receive God’s words. There is a time for God to enlighten each man, so there is no use in trying to rush it.” Afterward, I kept the rules and ate and drank the words of God without anxiety, “patiently” awaiting God’s enlightenment.
Until one day, I read these words of God: “Only if your heart is at peace before God will your pursuit of the truth and of changes in your disposition bear fruit. Because you come burdened before God, you always feel that you are lacking too much, that there are many truths that you need to know, much reality that you need to experience, and that you should give every care to God’s will. These things are always on your mind, it is as if they are pressing down on you so hard that you can’t breathe, and thus you feel heavy of heart (but not in a passive state). Only people such as this are qualified to accept the enlightenment of God’s words and be touched by the Spirit of God. It is because of their burden, because they are heavy of heart, and, it can be said, because of the price they have paid and the torment they have suffered before God that they receive the enlightenment and illumination of God, for God does not give anyone special treatment, He is always fair in His treatment of people, but He is also not arbitrary in His provision to people, and does not give to them unconditionally. This is one side of His righteous disposition” (“It Is Very Important to Establish a Normal Relationship With God” in The Word Appears in the Flesh). In pondering these words of God, I understood: God is a righteous God. He is never arbitrary in His provision to man, and does not give to man unconditionally. For people to receive God’s enlightenment and illumination, they must quiet their hearts before God and have a heart that yearns for and seeks God’s words. They must bear the burden for their own lives and search for their own shortcomings within the words of God. Bearing their burden, they must purposefully eat and drink the words of God to give every care to His will and go ever deeper into the truth. Only by practically paying such a price to work with God can one obtain the enlightenment of God. In retrospect, I was carrying no burden nor keeping any yearning heart at all to eat and drink the words of God. Every time I picked up the book of the word of God, I would flick through and see that I had read this passage and read that passage, thinking that I had a rough idea about every passage. Then I would find any old one, give it a cursory read, and then I was done. When I ate and drank the words of God, it was only enough for me to understand the literal meaning of the words, focusing only on keeping a few rules and practices. I certainly didn’t see much of the truth that I needed to enter into, nor was I satisfying God’s heart. I was bearing no burden for my own life at all, nor was I worried about having not equipped myself with enough truth; I was merely handling my eating and drinking of God’s words with indifference. With such a cavalier attitude to the words of God, how would I have obtained His enlightenment and illumination? I was not really working with God, and was using “There is a time for God to enlighten each man” as an excuse to wait blindly for God’s enlightenment. I really was being so ignorant! Only now do I recognize that, although there is a time for God to enlighten each man, this much is true, there is a principle behind the Holy Spirit’s work on man. Man himself must have a yearning, seeking heart to be able to positively and actively work with God. Only then can the Holy Spirit work on man and enlighten and illuminate man’s understanding of God’s will, causing them to understand the truth in His words.
Oh God! I give thanks for Your timely enlightenment that allowed me to recognize the deviation in my own experience. Now I wish to turn back to positively and actively work with You, to keep a yearning, seeking heart, to bear my burden to eat and drink Your words, to pursue further enlightenment obtained through Your words, to make myself penetrate deeper into the truth, and for my life to grow ever greater.