In 1999, I heard that God’s work would be ended soon. In excitement I began to think: What will the world be like after God’s work is over? All the unbelievers will have been destroyed, leaving the buildings, markets, cars, and abundant material things, which we can use and enjoy as we please. I won’t have to live in my shabby house or ride my miserable, shabby bicycle, even less have innutritious rice gruel for meals…. There is just this one year; if I don’t expend my all for God now, when will I? So, I gladly accepted God’s commission, and I ran around outside every day. You can hardly imagine how great my enthusiasm was. I had no time to cook for my children, had no time do the farm work, even less had time to attend to the household affairs. When I came back home, I learned to sing hymns, danced, and read God’s word, for fear that if I slacked a bit I would be cast behind by God. My husband said that I went insane and he would divorce me. I said cheerfully to him, “If you want to, then let’s divorce. I want nothing but the clothes to wear.” When I saw a car pass by, I thought: Don’t run so fast. When the time comes, I will disdain to drive your car even if you ask me. There will be plenty of fine cars at my choice. When I saw someone dressed in nice clothes, I thought: Though now I have not, I will dress better than you in time. When I saw the clothes in the supermarkets, I comforted myself: Be patient for one year! Then I will be satisfied. All the clothes will be ours and I can wear any piece I like…. Under such illusions, I was pursuing with my own intents. Rain or shine, I ran around persistently.
Early in 2000, the work arrangement finally came. Contrary to my expectation, God would make us experience seven years of trials. When I heard the news, I was at once dumbfounded: Good heavens! There is still so long a time! How will I live my future life? In my family, my aged parents-in-law, who are sick, and my children, who attend school, all need money, and even to keep alive, to cultivate land, and to buy chemical fertilizers all take money. … If I continue running around like this for seven years, I don’t know what my family will be reduced to. I wish I hadn’t run so recklessly. I was too foolish! Didn’t I expend myself for the year in vain? At this time, I was very distressed and always had a feeling of being deceived and fooled. Finally I thought: I simply do not believe anymore! If my expending is wasted, it is wasted. It’s just my luck.
When I wanted to rebel against and leave God, this hymn of God’s word, “The Consequences of Escaping the Judgment,” inspired me: “hose who only receive judgment but never never get purified, that is, those who run away from the work of judgment, will be detested and rejected by God forever. Their sinful deeds are graver and more than those of the Pharisees, because they rebel against God and they are rebels against God. These ones who are not even qualified to toil will receive a severer punishment, an eternal punishment.” Now I was frightened. If I leave God, will I not be one who runs away from God’s judgment work? Then I no longer dared to have the thought of running away. Nevertheless, I just could not bestir myself.
Later, from above came a piece of fellowship. It says that sufferings and trials are man’s true wealth of life, are man’s greatest need in entering into life, and are the path man has to take to be saved, and that to enter into the kingdom on a bridal sedan chair is only man’s daydreaming. And it says that all those who do not pursue the truth but always expect God’s day to come and their fleshly miserable life to end, are not easy to be saved and are ones in danger, and that if they do not change they will definitely be eliminated. It also says that the seven-year trial reveals that man’s inherent nature is a satanic inherent nature and is rebelliousness, that man does not love the truth and does not know or obey God’s work, and that all men believe in God with their own intents and desires. Through this fellowship, I came to realize that I was not a person who believed in God but a person who pursued to receive blessings. I wanted to make use of God to achieve my own purposes and satisfy my extravagant desires. By believing in the Almighty God for only one year, I wanted to become one of the masters of the next age and enjoy the worldly wealth and honor. How extravagant it was! In order to receive blessings, I was even willing to get divorced and give up my family and my career, and I had no complaints about any hardships and difficulties. I just wanted to exchange my temporary expending for eternal enjoyment. It was really absurd and ridiculous! Without God’s exposing, I thought that I was very faithful and was a good believer and I would surely be left in the end. Today I have seen that my belief was so pitiable. While believing in God, I did not pursue the truth and life but only pursued to receive blessings. And when I failed to receive what I expected, I wanted to leave God. I dare not imagine how I would treat God if I received adversities. I always shouted that I pursued to be a Job. But Job was tried because of his righteousness and he cursed himself rather than complained about God. I, however, was tried by God’s words because of my corruptions and I complained against God and wanted to leave God. There was simply an immeasurable distance between Job and me. Only then did I feel that to believe in God is really not an easy matter. If God’s work had ended in 1999, a person like me, who had no truth and no good deeds and who had satan’s original likeness, would surely have been an object of destruction. The seven-year trial is very necessary for me. The seven-year time is an opportunity God has given me to be saved and prepare good deeds, and is also a chance for me to cast off my corruptions and be transformed in my nature. I will cherish the days to come, equip myself with more truths, and accept God’s trials, so as to get rid of the impurities in my belief and be gained by God in the end.
Jianyang City, Sichuan Province