In my experience of God’s work, what affected me most profoundly was the “seven-year trial.” In the experience of this trial, my arrogant inherent nature, unreasonable demands on God, complaints and misunderstandings about God, and desire and intent of receiving blessings were thoroughly exposed. In the presence of the fact, I had to bow my head.
I accepted God’s end-time work with the intent of receiving blessings. At the beginning, I expected every day that God’s work would end sooner so that I could be freed from suffering. When I heard that God’s work would be concluded in 1999, I was beside myself with joy. And I imagined very supernaturally: When God’s work ends, there must be great disasters. Heaven and earth are turned upside down, and the evildoers are destroyed all at once, leaving only the believers in the Almighty God. Thus, my strength to expend for God was very great, and I spoke arrogantly to the brothers and sisters, “I will believe in God even if no one else believes in God, and I will love God even if no one else loves God. No matter how hard and difficult it may be, I will expend for God.” At that time, my husband persecuted me and would not let me believe. I thought: Even if you beat me to death, I believe determinedly. Even if you beat me once a day, you can’t do it many times. I even made an agreement with him, saying that I would stop believing by the end of 1999. Afterward, I closed down my business and washed my hands of housework. All day I ran around performing my duty. I had inexhaustible strength, and never felt suffering or fatigue. When I walked on the road and saw the worldly people building new houses, I thought, “No matter how beautiful houses you build, you can’t live in them for long. When God’s work ends, you will all be destroyed. Won’t all of them be left to us? You are ones doing service to us.” When I saw the cars on the street, I thought, “Although I suffer from running around now, it is temporary. Once God’s work ends, I can take my choice of cars, driving whichever one I like.” When it was cold in the winter and I wanted to buy a coat, I thought, “Forget it. When God’s work ends, the clothes in the stores will all be for us to wear. With this money I’d better prepare some good deeds.” When it was close to the Spring Festival and I saw the worldly people do shopping happily, carrying small and big bags home, I thought, “It’s hard to say whether you will have a chance to enjoy them.” … Thus, my longing for God’s day grew stronger every day. When I indulged in my fantasies, a new piece of fellowship came.
On the lunar New Year’s Eve, when I just came to the church, a sister said, “The above says that we have to undergo trials for seven years.” I could hardly believe my ears. I responded by asking loudly, “What?” “There are still seven years,” repeated the sister. At the moment, I felt weak all over, stared fixedly, and did not have any strength. I complained bitterly in my heart, “Wasn’t it said that God’s work would end in 1999? How come seven more years? I’ve made an agreement with my husband, closed down my business, and offended my relatives. How will I walk my future path?” I really wanted to have a good cry. I even regretted my previous expending and giving. No matter how the above fellowshipped, I could not turn around. I always wanted to rebel against and leave God, living all along in the state of being passive and complaining. If I leave, won’t my expending in the years be wasted? Besides, God has blocked my ways of escape and I can’t go back to the world. I just go on mindlessly, and let my going take care of itself. So I had a heart of guarding against God. I did not dare to fully believe him but left myself some latitude in everything. Later, I read God’s words: “If you have expended something for me, but I have not satisfied your small request, will you be disappointed with me and even full of resentments and shout abuse? … If what you imagine in your heart is contrary to all that I do, how should you walk your future path? If you have not received anything you hope to receive, can you continue to be my follower? If you never understand the purpose and the significance of my work, can you be an obedient person and not pass judgment on or draw conclusion about it rashly? … Can you be my faithful follower and rather gain nothing than not suffer for me all your life? Can you because of me not consider, plan, or prepare your future path of living?” I had nothing to say in reply. Then I remembered what I had said, “I will believe in God even if no one else believes in God, and I will love God even if no one else loves God. No matter how hard and difficult it may be, I will expend for God.” But now in the presence of the fact, I had to admit that the purpose of my believing in God was to receive blessings and to make an exchange, that I was making a bargain with God, and that the path I walked was a path to severe punishment and destruction. I always wanted to pay a small price in exchange for God’s eternal blessings, and desired to enter directly into the kingdom on a bridal sedan with filthiness all over, without undergoing painful refining and being transformed. I truly regretted my past complaints and misunderstanding about God. If it had not been for God’s timely salvation and the disclosure and guidance of God’s words, I would still have pursued according to my own imagination, and in the end I would only have myself eliminated and bring destruction upon myself.
Today, this experience has become a life treasure in the course of my believing in God. Without the “seven-year trial,” I would not have had any knowledge of myself or gained any truth.
Luoyang City, Henan Province