“When we suffer illness, it is God’s love, and there must be God’s good purpose God’s good purpose in it. … Almighty God is an almighty doctor! Living in illness, you will be ill. Living in spirit, you won’t be ill. As long as you still have one breath, God will not let you die.” When I sang this hymn of God’s word “We Won’t Have Testimony Without Genuine Faith,” I only understood it in letters but never carefully pondered its inner meaning. When I sing it now, however, I feel deeply touched.
One day in this April, several sisters and I were having a meeting together. Toward evening, I suddenly got a lump on my neck. One of the sisters said it was an inflammation of lymph node and advised me to go to see a doctor. Because it was neither painful nor itchy then, I paid no attention to it. However, the lump grew bigger and bigger and also began to ache dully. Although I said it was nothing, I felt somewhat afraid in my heart. So, in the evening I went to a clinic and had an infusion. At that time, I did get much better. But one day later, the lump reappeared on my neck and grew even bigger, rendering me unable to have meals; and it did not turn better though I had infusions. Then the sister advised me to go to the hospital to have my illness diagnosed, so that I could receive the right treatment for it. And she said that apart from receiving treatment, I should examine myself more. But at this time, I had completely lived in the illness and had no inclination to examine myself at all. I was only thinking to have it cured. And the more I heard others say this illness was serious, the more I was frightened. So, accompanied by the sister I hastened to the hospital. Seeing my symptoms, the doctor said that my illness came too abruptly and was very dangerous. At his words, I was all the more frightened. Though I prayed to God about it, I was not earnest at all. I thought: Prayer is necessary, but I have to receive treatment realistically. So I always lived in the illness. Even when I went around the churches, I carried an infusion bottle with me, having an infusion while having a meeting. Nevertheless, the more infusions I received, the more serious my illness got; and the more serious it got, the more I inquired about where I could see a good doctor. When I heard that someone in some place had a secret recipe, I would find ways and means to go and have a try. So I ran around for nearly two months, saw quite a few doctors, and spent nearly 800 yuan. However, I was still not cured, nor did I wake up. In every meeting, the brothers and sisters sang the hymn of God’s word “We Won’t Have Testimony Without Genuine Faith” to admonish me not to live in the illness, yet my heart had already been numb and I always paid no heed to that. I even thought that my condition was caused because going around the churches had delayed me and I had not received timely treatment.
Right then, my leader transferred me to another place to work. Though I was reluctant then, I dared not disobey the arrangement of God’s family. After I came to the new place, facing the new faces, I did not know whom I could ask to take me to see a doctor. Besides, the money I had with me had run out. I wanted to borrow some from the brothers and sisters, but I felt that was inappropriate. After much thought, I was still at a loss what to do. Finally, I had to resolve to commit my all to God. I came before God and prayed to him: “O the only true God who created the heavens and the earth and all things, may you make a way out for me, for I have been living in the illness for the two months. I believe in you but did not depend on you. O God! I’m willing to fully obey you and yield to your treatment. I believe man’s destiny is in your hand. I will not see doctors or seek remedies for myself anymore, and even less will I further delay the work of your family because of my illness. I only want to commit my all into your hand and let you manipulate.” Thank God for his great love. I never expected that after I committed my all to God and resolved not to rack my brains for the safety of my flesh, the lump on my neck should become smaller and smaller and also cease aching. Without having more infusions or taking more medicines, I imperceptibly recovered. From this, I saw God’s almightiness. Everything God arranges for man is good and it contains lessons man should learn. I hated myself for being too blind and ignorant. Though I believed in God, I did not rely on God but relied on remedy and on man, living in the illness. I was really foolish to the extreme. Not until then did I understand the real meaning of God’s words, “When we suffer illness, it is God’s love, and there must be God’s good purpose God’s good purpose in it. … Living in illness, you will be ill. Living in spirit, you won’t be ill.” I also saw that man’s everything is in the hand of the Creator and is not manipulated or arranged by man himself.
Suqian City, Jiangsu Province