One evening, a sister said to me, “The leader said when she had time she would come to check how your article writing was going on.” Upon hearing that, I got worried: Alas, I haven’t yet begun writing my article. I must write in a hurry. Otherwise, I will be unable to give the report. What theme should I write on? I thought it over for the whole evening, but could not get any idea.
The next morning, the sister urged me again, “Hurry to write! The leader may come at any time.” At the moment, I was anxious like a cat on hot bricks and just couldn’t quiet my heart. I kept thinking: Last time the leader already pointed out my many defects. If this time I do not do well in article writing, what opinion will she have of me? Will she think me unfit for use and thus have me replaced? No, I must write a good article, and can’t cause the leader to have any bad opinion of me again. Because of this, I ate and drunk God’s word and prayed simply for the formality; I only thought to seize the time to finish writing the article to be ready for the leader’s check. Unexpectedly, one day passed and my mind was still a blank. I didn’t know what to write, sitting there anxious.
By the third morning, I still couldn’t quiet my heart. I always felt puzzled in my mind: I wholeheartedly wanted to write an article, but why couldn’t I write down any word? In which aspect am I wrong so that the Holy Spirit does not work on me?
Just when I was bewildered, I came across these words of God: “To know yourself, you must know your true state. To know your own state, it is most important to grasp your own ideas and thoughts….” Only then did I begin to examine myself. I laid no stress on writing articles until I heard that the leader would come to check it. Actually, my attempt to write a good article, on the one hand, was in order to complete the task and give a report to the leader, and on the other hand to give the leader a good impression so that my position would not be lowered. I did not intend to fulfill my duty to testify about God and satisfy God. With these incorrect intents to write articles, how could I receive the working of the Holy Spirit?
At that moment I also remembered these words of God: “Whether or not your doing one thing is valuable and meaningful simply depends on whether your intent is correct or not, and simply depends on whether your viewpoint is right or not.” “Whether a person truly pursues has nothing to do with what people think of him or how the surrounding people look at him. Rather, it has to do with whether he has the working of the Holy Spirit and the presence of the Holy Spirit and even more has to do with whether the Holy Spirit’s working for a period of time causes him to have some transformation in his nature and have some knowledge of God. If he has the working of the Holy Spirit, his nature will be gradually transformed and his knowledge about the viewpoint of believing in God will be purer and purer.”
I felt enlightened all at once. Actually, whether everything I do is meaningful and valuable is measured by whether my intent is correct and whether my viewpoint is right, not by my leader’s evaluation and opinion of me. When I did things, however, I seldom came before God to examine my intent and viewpoint; instead, I cared much about the leader’s evaluation and opinion of me and about my fame and position. Was I performing my duty? I was only pursuing some utterly meaningless and worthless things. Now I understand that if I do things without facing God, then no matter how many and how well I do them before the leader, it will be in vain. This is because the leader’s estimate of me does not decide anything; the key consists in whether I have the working of the Holy Spirit, whether my nature is transformed, whether my intent and viewpoint of doing things are righted, and whether my relationship with God is normal. If I neglect these things, then no matter how I pursue and how I make efforts I will not be approved by God but will only be loathed by God.
O God, thank you for your inspiration, which has enabled me to see my incorrect intents. I am willing to right my intent and viewpoint again, put my heart before you once more, do everything before you, no longer pursuing the leader’s good opinion of me to preserve my position. Even if the leader points out my defect or deals with me or prunes me, I will accept it and pursue the transformation of my nature to satisfy your heart.
When I set my intent right, I finally got some ideas for the article. Then, following the guidance of the Holy Spirit, I wrote down my experience.
Guangzhou City, Guangdong Province