189 Becoming a New Person
1 Thinking of my faith in God in the past, my heart feels such indebtedness. Because I didn’t pursue the truth, I’m left with so many regrets. God exalted me to do my duty, but I didn’t know to consider His will. I worked and preached solely to compare myself with other people. I enjoyed being looked up to and esteemed by others. I served God in name, but in reality I was establishing myself. God’s words reminded me and warned me but I paid no heed. Unyielding, I rushed about only for rewards, for a crown. I struggled for name and status, it’s so disgusting to God.
2 God hid His face and I fell into darkness with nowhere to turn. Like a walking corpse I lived through days that felt like years. In trials, I examined my own deeds and behavior. I enjoyed so much of God’s love but didn’t consider repaying Him. I used the opportunities to do my duty to show myself off. My nature, like that of the archangel, should be cursed by God. Trembling with fear, I fell before God in such remorse. So rebellious and defiant to God, how could I be worthy to be called human? I wish to accept God’s judgment and attain dispositional change.
3 By experiencing God’s judgment, I came to know God’s disposition as righteous. In my heart I revere and obey God and I live out some human likeness. Only now I know that without dispositional change, I’m unworthy to serve God. I give thanks to God’s timely judgment that brought me under His protection. Now I have tasted God’s love, and it is so true and so real. Oh God, I will never again rebel against You or cause You grief. I wish only to cherish these final hours and become a new person, not to seek the esteem of others, but only to satisfy Your will, to live by Your words and exalt You and testify for You in all things.