210 What Believers in God Should Seek
1 I believed in the Lord for many years, I often spread the gospel, but I was still unable to bear witness for God. I could only speak of testimony of enjoying His grace, but could not speak of genuine understanding of Him. Yet I still longed to be raptured into the kingdom of heaven when the Lord returned. How ridiculous it was! Experiencing judgment before the seat of Christ has made me utterly remorseful and ashamed. It turns out I did not know what to gain from believing in God. I just worked zealously but I did not consider God’s heart. I was like Paul, wholeheartedly for gaining rewards and crown. Having believed in God for so many years without changing my disposition, I feel a deep sense of shame. After all God’s salvation of mankind is for us to gain life.
2 God’s judgment has made me see God’s love and blessing. God’s words have revealed my satanic disposition, and dealt with my arrogant nature. I have finally seen that I am so deeply corrupted, with little of a human likeness. When performing my duty I muddle through, without genuine love for God. I want to bear witness for God and repay His love but I am powerless. If I still don’t work hard to pursue the truth, my life would dishonor God. I set my resolve, I swear to not rest until I gain the truth. In order to gain the truth, no matter how much I suffer, I will never give up.