246 Repenting and Making a Fresh Start
1 Why did I not wake up? I just put everything into seeking status and name. I only focused on work and preaching, but didn’t practice or experience God’s words. Why did I not wake up? I worked hard just for rewards. Full of extravagant desires and needs, I was so selfish and despicable. God’s words called out to me so many times, I hardened my heart and turned a blind eye. My heart was full of selfish desires, how could I have taken notice of Your exhortations? Oh God! My actions have hurt You so deeply. How could I have face to beg for Your mercy and tolerance? I can’t bear to look back on the things of the past, it was all my rebelliousness and ugliness. I was arrogant, self-important, wanton, and rash, I gave free rein to my satanic disposition. My transgressions haunt my conscience, I cry through my confessions, how can I make up for my lost time?
2 Only now have I realized how hypocritical, how fake my devotion was. So many times I swore undying love, yet couldn’t withstand the test of a trial. So many times I repented and prayed, saying I’d start anew, yet that was a lie. Only through judgment did I see clearly that without practicing the truth, everything comes to naught. Through ordeals I deeply repented, I came to detest my deep corruption and that I lack humanity. I fall before God, I am full of remorse, I’ll make myself anew to comfort God’s heart. Oh God! My actions have hurt You so deeply. How could I have face to beg for Your mercy and tolerance? So many memories, so many tears shed, I can’t stand to let You down again. I wish to put myself in Your hands, to obey Your arrangements and rule. I set my resolve to practice the truth, no matter the twists and turns in the road ahead, I am determined to follow You until the end!