246 Repenting and Making a Fresh Start
1 Why did I not wake up? I just put everything into seeking status and name. I only focused on work and preaching, but didn’t practice or experience God’s words. Why did I not wake up? I worked hard just for rewards. Full of extravagant desires and demands, I was so selfish and despicable. God’s words called out to me so many times, I hardened my heart and turned a blind eye. My heart was full of selfish desires, how could I have taken notice of God’s exhortations? Oh God! My actions have hurt You so deeply. I’m too ashamed to live in Your presence, enjoying Your love. I can’t bear to look back on the things of the past, it was all my rebelliousness and ugliness. I was arrogant, self-important, wanton, and rash, I gave free rein to my satanic disposition. My transgressions haunt my conscience, I cry through my confessions, how can I make up for my lost time?
2 Only through judgment was I able to see that I was a hypocrite. So many times I swore undying love, yet couldn’t withstand the test of a trial. So many times I repented and prayed, claiming that I’d become a new person, yet that was a lie. Only through judgment did I see clearly that without practicing the truth, I would eventually be exposed. Through ordeals I deeply repented, I came to detest my deep corruption and that I lack humanity. I fall before God, I am full of remorse, I’ll make myself anew to comfort God’s heart. Oh God! My actions have hurt You so deeply. I’m too ashamed to live in Your presence, enjoying Your love; I wish only to put my heart into fulfilling my duty well. I wish to put myself in Your hands, to obey Your arrangements and rule. I set my resolve to practice the truth, no matter the twists and turns in the road ahead, I am determined to follow You until the end!