175 There Is a Pain Deep in My Heart
1 There is a pain deep in my heart. Every time I think of the past it’s like a knife twisted in my heart. I once resisted and blasphemed Christ. I believed in God yet did not know Him, and I resisted Him. I witnessed Christ expressing the truth but I still denied Him, I am no different from the Pharisees. I’ll never forget this lesson written in blood. I have been left with endless remorse and regret.
2 I believed in the Lord for years but did not pursue the truth. I equipped myself with biblical knowledge just to show myself off. I talked about theological theories to make others worship me and look up to me. I worked hard for blessings and rewards. I was selfish and base, never caring for God’s will. I made much noise about pleasing God but I did not practice truth. I pledged loyalty to God in words but I did not perform my duty. I was outwardly pious but I did not obey God.
3 God’s judgment and chastisement make me bow down to the ground. I tremble with fear when I see God’s righteous disposition. I hate my deep corruption and inhumanity. I have made too many transgressions and have broken God’s heart. For all I have done I should have long since been destroyed by God. Yet God is patient and tolerant with me, giving me a chance to repent. Seeing God’s salvation fills my heart with remorse. I’m resolved to practice the truth and live out a human likeness. I’m willing to spend my life for God and repay God’s love. I will obey God and worship God forever.