190 The Heartfelt Wish to Repent
1 Seeing God’s day of glory gradually growing near, my heart can’t help but feel sorrow and worry. I think back on my rebellion and defiance of God, remorse, uneasiness, and indebtedness well up in my heart. God chose me, so I turned back to Him and attended the kingdom feast. He earnestly teaches me the path I must take, and the way I should keep. He exhorts me again and again but I don’t take it to heart. I have not yet gained the truth, I’m not worthy to face God.
2 For years in my faith I saw doctrine as reality, believing working hard was practicing the truth. I lacked devotion in my duty, it was all carelessness and deceit. When I was pruned and dealt with, I made excuses and justified myself. God arranged people and things to perfect me and help me gain the truth, but I did not submit, much less seek the truth. I stubbornly walked the Pharisees’ path and didn’t know to turn back. Hated by God, I lived in darkness, in a life worse than death.
3 Every word of God’s judgment shakes my heart. My long-numb heart only now begins to awaken. I hate myself for being so hardened and not pursuing the truth. To this day all I live out is a satanic disposition. God’s work is on the cusp of ending, He will soon return to Zion. Having faith but unable to satisfy God is a truly shameful thing. I’m truly unworthy of savoring His words, I am truly indebted to God. Having these final hours to be devoted to God is a rare gift. I set my resolve to pursue the truth and spend my life repaying God’s grace.