208 The Past Pierces Me Like a Sword
1 Thinking of my faith in the Lord in the past, I feel remorseful for what I did. I loathe my denial of God’s work in the last days, I’m left with eternal regret. I dreamed every day of the Lord’s return, I longed with my whole heart to be raptured into the heavenly kingdom. But when the Lord came knocking on the door and the end-time salvation appeared, I refused to accept it. Thinking that believing in God was believing in the Bible, I delimited God within the Bible. I raved, arbitrarily judging God’s work with no heart of seeking. I worked to seal off the church to stop believers from seeking and investigating the true way. To maintain my own name and status I confined believers within my own grasp. I never imagined I could serve God all these years but become a ringleader in resisting Him. My inerasable sins pain me to no end.
2 I was so rebellious and resistant but God still showed mercy and tried everything to save me. He had knocked at the door of my heart with His words so many times before my hard heart turned around. I’ve accepted the judgment and chastisement of God’s words, I’ve seen how foolish and blind I am. The richness of what God has and is, mankind can never fully understand. God’s work is not constrained by any rules, it is always progressing. But I delimited God’s work with the words of the Bible, so incredibly arrogant. So many believers lost their chance at salvation because of my hindering. Believing in God, I still vied with Him for status, I really was a modern-day Pharisee. I should be damned for my actions, but God still gave me a chance to repent. Seeing God’s true love I feel I owe Him so much. Oh God, I believed in You but did not know You, and I resisted and judged You. I truly am of Satan’s kind, unworthy of Your mercy and salvation. Oh God, I will repent and accept Your judgment. I will pursue the truth with everything I have, fulfill my duty and repay Your love.