By Li Rui, China

I have always been in poor health. After getting married, I became busy taking care of both the family and the business, and I couldn’t eat or rest on time each day. Years of rushing around and exhaustion caused my health to worsen, and I developed myocarditis, antral gastritis, cholecystitis, and vertigo. I also had bone spurs, and my upper spine often hurt. Pretty much my entire body was riddled with sickness. My myocarditis was especially severe, and just doing a bit of work left me short of breath and struggling to breathe. Throughout those years I was tormented by illness and suffered greatly. Most of the time I could only rest at home, and I felt like a waste of space. I was really envious when I saw people on the streets full of energy, and I often wondered, “When will I be able to have a healthy body like them?”

In 2004, I accepted Almighty God’s work of the last days. A little over a year later, my illnesses had basically healed, and I was truly grateful to God. I made a silent resolution: “I must believe in God wholeheartedly to repay His love!” After that, whenever I saw brothers and sisters in difficulty, I did my best to help them, and no matter what duty I was assigned, I tried my best to do it. In 2009, the leader fellowshipped with me and asked me to water newcomers. I thought to myself, “Our business at home depends entirely on me, and occasionally doing my duty doesn’t affect me in making money. But if I water newcomers, this is going to take more time and energy, and if no one handles the business, won’t it have to close down?” I felt somewhat conflicted. But then I thought about how God had healed my illnesses, and about how God had given me such great grace; I knew I had to do my duty properly to repay God’s love. I felt that if I were to give up on making money now and put more effort into my duty, God would surely protect me and give me good health, and when God’s work concludes, perhaps God would even protect me from suffering catastrophes and allow me to enter the kingdom of heaven to enjoy great blessings. So I accepted this duty and handed the business over to my husband. Sometimes I would walk dozens of miles a day to preach the gospel, and when I got home, my ankles would be swollen. But I never complained in my heart. When I thought about receiving more of God’s grace and blessings in the future, and about entering the kingdom of heaven, I became even more motivated to do my duty.

One day in 2017, I happened to find a hard lump in my chest. After going to the hospital, the doctor said, “This tumor needs a biopsy to determine whether it is benign or malignant. If it’s malignant, you’re going to need surgery.” I was a little afraid, thinking, “If it’s malignant, won’t that mean I’m doomed? That’d be an incurable disease!” But then I thought, “I am a created being—whether I live or die is in God’s hands. If God wants me to live on, I won’t die even if I have cancer.” With that thought, my fear eased. After the biopsy results came back, the doctor told me I had been diagnosed with breast cancer and he scheduled me to have surgery. The surgery was completed successfully in under three hours. I knew this was God’s protection and I felt really grateful to Him. I also thought about how even with this great sickness I hadn’t complained against God, and that surely God would remove my cancer. After the surgery, I underwent chemotherapy. I thought I’d be discharged after this, but to my surprise, the doctor said my condition was rather serious, and that the cancer cells had already spread to my lymph nodes. He also said that the chemotherapy hadn’t been effective, and that I’d have to undergo radiation therapy. I was completely stunned. I had heard from other patients that radiation therapy was particularly painful, and that they vomited everything they ate and became extremely weak. Some couldn’t even walk and had to be pushed in a wheelchair by family members. Some still didn’t manage to get their cancer under control after radiation therapy and ended up dying. I was very afraid. I thought, “Radiation therapy is so painful—will I be able to bear it? If the cancer cells aren’t brought under control after radiation therapy, will I die? If I die like this, won’t I lose the chance to be saved? Then won’t all these years of sacrifice and expenditure have been for nothing? Why isn’t God protecting me for all my years of suffering and expenditure? Several patients in the ward don’t even believe in God, but after chemotherapy their cancer was brought under control and they were discharged. Why is it that I believe in God but am worse off than nonbelievers? Could it be that God has abandoned me?” Thinking of this, I cried uncontrollably like a child and I was so distressed I couldn’t eat or sleep. I’d also just skim through God’s words when reading them, and couldn’t even find any words to pray. My heart was filled with darkness and pain. In my despair, I knelt down and prayed to God, “God, just thinking about undergoing radiation therapy makes me so afraid. I’m worried that if I die, I’ll lose the chance to be saved. God, I’m very weak right now. Please guide me to understand Your intention and give me the courage to experience this situation.” After praying, I remembered a passage of God’s words: “It’s right for humans to follow God, and the farther down the road the brighter it gets. God won’t lead you astray, and even if He delivers you to Satan, God is responsible to the end. You must have this faith, and this is the attitude created beings should have toward God” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. How to Know God’s Sovereignty). God’s words gave me faith. I thought of Job. Although God allowed Satan to tempt Job, He commanded Satan not to take Job’s life. So even though Job’s flesh suffered greatly, he did not lose his life due to Satan’s harm. Though I had cancer and my body was very weak, wasn’t the fact that I was still alive and that the surgery had gone smoothly also because of God’s protection? I should have faith in God.

Then I read God’s words: “The more God refines people, the more people’s hearts are able to love God. The torment in their hearts is of benefit to their lives, they are more able to be at peace before God, their relationship with God is closer, and they are better able to see God’s supreme love and His supreme salvation. Peter experienced refinement hundreds of times, and Job underwent several trials. If you wish to be made perfect by God, you too must undergo refinement hundreds of times—you must go through this process and rely upon this step—only then will you be able to satisfy God’s intentions and be made perfect by God. Refinement is the best means by which God makes people perfect; only refinement and bitter trials can bring out the true love for God in people’s hearts. Without suffering, people lack true love for God; if they are not tried within, if they are not subjected to true refinement, then their hearts will always be floating around outside. Having been refined to a certain point, you will see your own weaknesses and difficulties, you will see how much you are lacking and that you are unable to overcome the many problems you encounter, and you will see how much you’ve rebelled. Only during trials are people able to truly know their real states; trials are even more so capable of perfecting people” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Only by Experiencing Refinement Can Man Possess True Love). “In their belief in God, what people seek is to obtain blessings for the future; this is their goal in their faith. All people have this intent and hope, but the corruption in their nature must be resolved through trials and refinement. In whichever aspects you are not purified and reveal corruption, these are the aspects in which you must be refined—this is God’s arrangement. God creates an environment for you, forcing you to be refined there so that you can know your own corruption. Ultimately, you reach a point at which you would rather die in order to give up your intents and desires and to submit to God’s sovereignty and arrangement. Therefore, if people do not have several years of refinement, if they do not endure a certain amount of suffering, they will not be able to rid themselves of the constraints of corruption of the flesh in their thoughts and in their hearts. In whichever aspects people are still subject to the constraints of their satanic nature, and in whichever aspects they still have their own desires and their own demands, these are the aspects in which they should suffer. Only through suffering can lessons be learned, which means being able to gain truth, and understand God’s intentions. In fact, many truths are understood by experiencing suffering and trials. Nobody can understand God’s intentions, recognize God’s almightiness and wisdom, or appreciate God’s righteous disposition when in a comfortable and easy environment or when circumstances are favorable. That would be impossible!” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Part Three). After reading God’s words, I came to understand a bit more about God’s intention. God tries and refines people to cleanse them, forcing them to seek the truth and come to know their corruption, impurities, and intentions. This enables people to gain a true understanding of God and develop genuine love for Him. Getting cancer wasn’t because God was trying to reveal and eliminate me, but because I had a corrupt disposition and impurities in my belief. It was only through this kind of situation that these things could be revealed. Before, I gave up my business to believe in God and do my duty, and no matter how much I suffered in my duty, I didn’t complain. I always treated these sacrifices and expenditures as capital before God, and I even thought I was someone who submitted to and loved God. But now that I had cancer and needed radiation therapy, I had no faith in God at all and misunderstood Him, thinking He no longer wanted me. I even used my efforts and expenditures as capital to try and argue with God, complaining that He wasn’t protecting me. I saw that I was truly rebellious, and full of demands and expectations toward God. Without experiencing this illness, I never would have known my corrupt disposition or my incorrect intentions in believing in God. If I didn’t change at all by the time God’s work ended, I would completely lose my chance at salvation. In this illness I faced, God wasn’t trying to eliminate me, but to save me! But I didn’t understand God’s intention and even misunderstood and complained about Him. Thinking of this, I felt deeply remorseful and ashamed. I silently prayed to God in my heart, willing to repent to Him and seek the truth to reflect on my corrupt disposition.

In my seeking, I read God’s words: “Man’s relationship with God is merely one of naked self-interest. It is a relationship between a receiver and a giver of blessings. To put it plainly, it is the relationship between an employee and an employer. The employee works hard only to receive the rewards bestowed by the employer. There is no affection in such an interests-based relationship, only transaction. There is no loving or being loved, only charity and mercy. There is no understanding, only helpless suppressed indignation and deception. There is no intimacy, only an uncrossable chasm. Now that things have gotten to this point, who can reverse such a course? And how many people are capable of truly understanding how dire this relationship has become? I believe that when people immerse themselves in the joy of being blessed, none can imagine how embarrassing and unsightly such a relationship with God is” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Appendix 3: Man Can Only Be Saved Amidst God’s Management). “What is the problem with people always making demands of God? And what is the problem with them always having notions about God? What is contained within man’s nature? I’ve discovered that, regardless of what happens to them, or what they’re dealing with, people always protect their own interests and worry about their own flesh, and they always look for reasons or excuses that serve them. They don’t seek or accept the truth in the slightest, and everything they do is justifying their own flesh and planning for the sake of their own prospects. They all solicit grace from God, wanting to gain whatever advantages they can. Why do people make so many demands of God? This proves that people are greedy by nature, and that before God, they are not possessed of any reason at all. In everything people do—whether they are praying or fellowshipping or preaching—their pursuits, thoughts, and aspirations, these things are all demands of God and attempts to solicit things from Him, they are all done by people in the hope of gaining something from God. Some people say that ‘this is human nature,’ which is correct! In addition, people making too many demands of God and having too many extravagant desires proves that people are truly lacking in conscience and reason. They are all demanding and soliciting things for their own sakes, or trying to argue and find excuses for themselves—they do all of this for themselves. In many things, it can be seen that what people do is totally devoid of reason, which is full proof that the satanic logic of ‘Every man for himself and the devil take the hindmost’ has already become man’s nature. What problem is illustrated by people making too many demands of God? It illustrates that people have been corrupted by Satan to a certain point, and that in their belief in God, they don’t treat Him as God at all” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. People Make Too Many Demands of God). God exposes that man’s nature is selfish and despicable, and that no matter what they do, it’s all for their own benefit. Even their faith in God carries personal intentions, and they vainly hope to exchange outward suffering and expenditure for a good destination. What God exposed was exactly my state. Before I found God, I was riddled with illness, and after finding God, my illnesses were all healed. So I gave thanks and praise to God and resolved to repay His love, and no matter what duty the church arranged for me, I carried it out actively. I even set aside my business and expended myself for God full-time. When I found out I had cancer, though I appeared somewhat submissive, in reality, I was trying to exchange “submission” for God’s protection, hoping He would heal my illness. When I saw nonbelievers recovering from cancer while I still had to undergo radiation after chemotherapy—not only facing suffering, but also danger to my life—my true colors were exposed. I began to complain that God didn’t protect me, and I unreasonably demanded that He remove my sickness. I saw that my faith was driven by intentions to gain blessings, and that all my years of effort and expenditure were not to fulfill the duty of a created being, but to try and exchange my suffering and expenditure for grace, blessings, and heavenly rewards. I was truly selfish and despicable. Paul preached the gospel across much of Europe and suffered a lot, but it was to demand rewards and a crown from God. In the end, he even said these shameless words, “I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith: From now on there is laid up for me a crown of righteousness” (2 Timothy 4:7–8). My efforts and expenditures, like Paul’s, were full of intentions, and I had no sincerity or loyalty toward God at all. I treated God as a last resort, as an employer who gave me rewards and wages. My suffering and expenditure were only to gain benefits from God. In this, I was trying to deceive and exploit God. This truly is loathsome to God. If I didn’t turn around my erroneous perspectives behind my pursuit and pursue dispositional change, then no matter how actively I did my duty, I still wouldn’t attain salvation in the end. In my heart, I prayed to God, “God, through this experience of cancer, I’ve seen that though I’ve believed in You for many years, I’ve had no sincerity or loyalty toward You. Even in my duty, I’ve only been trying to demand grace and blessings from You. I see now how selfish and despicable I am. God, I no longer wish to rebel against You like this. No matter what situation befalls me, I’m willing to focus on seeking the truth and submit to Your orchestrations and arrangements.”

During one of my devotionals, I read God’s words: “There is no correlation between the duty of man and whether he receives blessings or suffers misfortune. Duty is what man ought to fulfill; it is his heaven-sent vocation, and should not depend on recompense, conditions, or reasons. Only then is he doing his duty. Receiving blessings refers to the blessings a person enjoys when they are made perfect after experiencing judgment. Suffering misfortune refers to the punishment a person receives when their disposition does not change after they have passed through chastisement and judgment—that is, when they do not experience being made perfect. But regardless of whether they receive blessings or suffer misfortune, created beings should fulfill their duty, doing what they ought to do, and doing what they are able to do; this is the least that a person, a person who pursues God, should do. You should not do your duty only to receive blessings, and you should not refuse to act for fear of suffering misfortune. Let Me tell you this one thing: Man’s performance of his duty is what he ought to do, and if he is incapable of performing his duty, then this is his rebelliousness. It is through the process of doing his duty that man is gradually changed, and it is through this process that he demonstrates his loyalty. As such, the more you are able to do your duty, the more truth you shall receive, and the more real your expression shall become. Those who merely go through the motions in doing their duty and do not seek the truth shall be eliminated in the end, for such people do not do their duty in the practice of truth, and do not practice truth in the performance of their duty. They are those who remain unchanged and will suffer misfortune. Not only are their expressions impure, but everything they express is evil” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. The Difference Between the Ministry of God Incarnate and the Duty of Man). After reading God’s words, I gained a correct understanding of the meaning of doing one’s duty. We are created beings, so doing our duty is perfectly natural and justified. It is what we ought to do. We shouldn’t try to use this as a bargaining chip to strike deals with God. Whether we are blessed or suffer misfortune has nothing to do with our doing our duty—it’s not that simply doing our duty guarantees blessings in the end. What God looks at is whether there has been change in our disposition. If we undergo the judgment and chastisement of God’s words and our corrupt disposition changes, and we gain genuine submission to God and can fulfill the duty of a created being, only then can we gain God’s approval. If our corrupt disposition hasn’t been cleansed, then no matter how much we run around or expend ourselves, we still won’t gain blessings. I thought back on when this illness was a matter of life and death. I took my past suffering and expenditure as capital to demand that God protect me, wrongly thinking that because I’d paid a price, God ought to grant me grace. I had enjoyed so many of God’s graces and blessings, yet I didn’t regard my duty as my own responsibility. I would ask God for blessings and rewards for just a little effort or expenditure. I was truly lacking in conscience and reason! God brought me out of the vast sea of people back into His house and allowed me to do a duty. God’s intention was for me to seek the truth while doing my duty, and for me to change my corrupt disposition, so that in this, I may be cleansed and saved. I should submit to God and seek to satisfy Him. Thinking of this, I made a silent resolution, “If after radiotherapy my cancer isn’t cured, even if I die, I will remain willing to submit to God’s orchestrations and arrangements, and I won’t complain against God anymore. If the cancer can be cured through radiotherapy, then I’ll earnestly pursue the truth afterward even more, and I’ll fulfill my duty to repay God’s love.” Once I understood these things, I stopped thinking so much, and I had my husband take me to the hospital for radiotherapy. At the hospital, the doctor asked me to raise my arm to make a radiotherapy positioning mold. But my arm hurt so badly that I couldn’t even lift it to shoulder height. The machine couldn’t target the affected area, and the mold couldn’t be made. The doctor had no choice but to have me go home and exercise for a few days, and to come back once I could lift my arm. Once home, I didn’t dare to delay and kept exercising. But after three days, I still couldn’t lift my arm. I lay in the hospital bed and silently prayed to God, “God, whether or not I can undergo radiotherapy without issue today, I am willing to submit to Your orchestrations and arrangements!” Without even realizing it, I became able to lift my arm and rest it behind my head. When the doctor saw this, he immediately made the mold for me. During radiotherapy, I didn’t suffer too much, nor did I have many side effects, and I knew clearly that this was God’s protection for me. I felt truly grateful to God. In this way, after seventeen rounds of radiotherapy, my sickness was brought under control. After that, I continued doing duties alongside brothers and sisters.

In 2020, I was doing hosting duties. Due to work needs, I occasionally had to go out and handle things, and sometimes after finishing errands, I’d return home in the evening feeling very tired. I remembered that a fellow patient once said, “After getting cancer, you absolutely mustn’t overexert yourself, or it could easily recur. If cancer relapses, it might be incurable.” The doctor also advised me to rest more and not overwork myself. In particular, when I thought of all the cases of death due to recurrence I’d heard about while in the hospital, I felt a bit scared. What if the cancer came back? Would I die from it? But at this time, the CCP was frantically arresting brothers and sisters, and I needed to safeguard the environment and keep them safe, so I simply didn’t have time to go to the hospital for a follow-up appointment. Though I seemed to be persevering in my duty, I often worried about my illness, and from time to time, I would think to myself, “Though my health is poor, I’ve never stopped doing my duty all these years. Surely God will keep my cancer from recurring, right?” I realized I was once again trying to make deals with God, so I quickly prayed to God to rebel against this intention of mine. Later I read a passage of God’s words and saw through the matter of life and death a bit more. God says: “A person who has gained, in their decades of experience of human life, knowledge of the Creator’s sovereignty is a person with a correct appreciation for the meaning and value of life. Such a person has a deep knowledge of life’s purpose, with real experience and understanding of the Creator’s sovereignty, and beyond that, is able to submit to the Creator’s authority. Such a person understands the meaning of the Creator’s creation of mankind, understands that man should worship the Creator, that everything man possesses comes from the Creator and will return to Him some day not far in the future. This kind of person understands that the Creator arranges man’s birth and has sovereignty over man’s death, and that both life and death are predestined by the Creator’s authority. So, when one truly grasps these things, one will naturally be able to face death calmly, to calmly lay aside all one’s external things, accept and submit happily to all that follows, and welcome the last life-juncture, arranged, as it is, by the Creator, rather than blindly dreading it and struggling against it” (The Word, Vol. 2. On Knowing God. God Himself, the Unique III). After reading God’s words, I understood that birth, aging, sickness, and death are all in God’s hands, and that the time of a person’s death has been predestined by God. It’s not like what nonbelievers say, that overwork causes cancer to relapse which leads to death. If God has predestined that I only live to a certain age, then even if I rest every day in bed and don’t overexert myself, I will still be unable to escape death. If I stopped doing my duty because I was afraid of my cancer relapsing, then this would be a true rebellion against God. Even if my cancer didn’t end up relapsing, if I hadn’t fulfilled my duty, then my life would have been empty, and I would be detested by God. I also understood that whether I live or die is up to God’s sovereignty and arrangements, and my worries and concerns cannot change that. What I must do is submit to God’s arrangements and fulfill my duty. Then, even if one day I leave this world, my life will have been worthwhile. Realizing this, I no longer worried about whether my cancer would relapse and whether I’d die.

I then read another passage of God’s words, and the path of practice became even clearer. Almighty God says: “If, in your faith in God and pursuit of the truth, you are able to say, ‘Whatever sickness or disagreeable event God allows to befall me—no matter what God does—I must submit, and stay in my place as a created being. Before all else, I must put this aspect of the truth—submission—into practice, I must implement it, and live out the reality of submission to God. Moreover, I must not cast aside what God has commissioned to me and the duty I should perform. Even on my last breath, I must hold fast to my duty,’ is this not bearing testimony? When you have this kind of resolve and this kind of state, are you still able to complain about God? No, you are not. At such a time, you will think to yourself, ‘God gives me this breath, He has provided for and protected me all these years, He has taken much pain from me, given me much grace, and many truths. I have understood truths and mysteries that people have not understood for generations. I have gained so much from God, so I must repay God! Before, my stature was too small, I understood nothing, and everything I did was hurtful to God. I may not have another chance to repay God in the future. No matter how much time I have left to live, I must offer the little strength I have and do what I can for God, so that God can see that all these years of providing for me have not been in vain, but have borne fruit. Let me bring comfort to God, and no longer hurt or disappoint Him.’ How about thinking this way? Do not think about how to save yourself or escape, thinking, ‘When will this illness be cured? When it is, I shall do my best to perform my duty and be loyal. How can I be loyal when I’m ill? How can I perform the duty of a created being?’ As long as you have a single breath, are you not capable of performing your duty? As long as you have a single breath, are you capable of not bringing shame upon God? As long as you have a single breath, as long as your mind is lucid, are you capable of not complaining about God? (Yes.) It is easy to say ‘Yes’ now, but it will not be so easy when this really happens to you. And so, you must pursue the truth, often work hard on the truth, and spend more time thinking, ‘How can I satisfy God’s intentions? How can I repay God’s love? How can I perform the duty of a created being?’ What is a created being? Is the responsibility of a created being merely to listen to the words of God? No—it is to live out the words of God. God has given you so much truth, so much of the way, and so much life, so that you may live out these things, and bear testimony to Him. This is what ought to be done by a created being, and it is your responsibility and obligation” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Only in the Frequent Reading of God’s Words and Contemplation of the Truth Is There a Way Ahead). I understood that God’s requirements for us are very simple, which is to live out the reality of submission, and that no matter if we face sickness or other adversities, we must fulfill our duty. My life is given by God, and moving forward, whether my illness would relapse and whether I would die was all in God’s hands, and I was willing to submit to God’s orchestrations and arrangements. I just felt a bit tired physically, but this didn’t mean my cancer had relapsed, and I wasn’t so exhausted that I couldn’t get out of bed. Especially with the CCP’s frantic arrests of brothers and sisters, I should focus my heart on my duty, and I should pray to and rely on God to protect the brothers and sisters so they could do their duties in peace. After that, I just continued to do my duty as usual. Sometimes I’d rest more when my body felt uncomfortable, and when I felt better, I would get up and read God’s words. When I needed to go out to handle things, I’d go out as usual, without thinking too much about my illness. A while later, I went to the hospital for a follow-up appointment, and the cancer hadn’t relapsed. I have been doing my duty like this, going to the hospital for follow-up appointments every few months, and now several years have passed and my cancer still hasn’t relapsed. I am truly grateful for God’s protection and guidance.

Through this sickness, I have come to understand more of God’s intention to save mankind, and I’ve seen that no matter what situations God sets up, they are all to purify man and to remove man’s corrupt disposition and the impurities in their faith. At the same time, I also came to understand that while a person is alive, they should pursue the truth, submit to God’s sovereignty and arrangements, and fulfill their duty. This is the only way to live with meaning and value. From now on, I will earnestly pursue the truth, pursue dispositional change, and fulfill my duty to satisfy God. Thank God!