By Han Lu, China

Since I was young, I often heard the elders say that “A man is the head of the household and the pillar of the home, and finding a good man is a woman’s lifelong blessing.” I thought to myself, I absolutely mustn’t find a weak and useless man, and that I had to find a man who was manly and virile. Whenever I saw a man who was slow and incapable, I looked down on him. When I was 21, I was introduced to my husband, and after a little over a year together, we got married. His family was from the countryside, and they farmed and raised livestock. I saw that hard labor couldn’t make money, so I told my husband, “We can’t just rely on farming and raising livestock to get by—working ourselves to death like this won’t earn us much. We should start a business, that way we’ll earn money faster. Otherwise, how can we ever live a prosperous life?” But my husband was a shy man who blushed when speaking and wasn’t good at socializing, and he flat-out refused at the very mention of doing business. I brought him along to do business, but no matter how I taught him, he just couldn’t learn. So I nagged him for being useless. My husband angrily said, “You’re always causing trouble. I’m just not cut out for business, yet you insist I do it. Other people don’t know how to do business either, and they’re living just fine.” Hearing him say that made me even angrier, “You’re just a loser! You never take the lead, and you can’t even do business. If I spend my life with a loser like you, I’ll end up dying of humiliation!” From then on, I often argued and fought with him, thinking even women could do business and make money, yet he wasn’t even as good as a woman, that all he could do was manual labor, and that he had no real abilities.

In the 1980s, rural households began to implement individual land contracting. Soon after, the local cattle farm’s dairy business was to be contracted to individuals. So I told my husband, “Let’s contract a few dairy cows ourselves. You can stay home and raise the cows and send off the milk, and I’ll go out and do business. Reform and opening up has just started, and if we have the guts to act, we’ll surely make good money. In a few years, our life will definitely improve.” My husband said, “You’re really bold! We have no experience raising cows. What if we lose money?” I said, “You’re already thinking about failure before we even begin—are you even a man? Other men can carve out a career for themselves and support their families. But you? You don’t even have the guts to try anything!” Scolded by me, my husband said nothing and just went to the fields to work. Seeing him like that made me even angrier. I thought to myself, “How did I end up with such a man—utterly dull and passive, never taking charge of anything. Why is he so pathetic! I guess this is just my lot. Seems I’ll have to do it myself!” So I brought home three dairy cows to raise. My husband liked tidying up around the house and kept it spotless every day, but I thought this wasn’t something a man should do, and that a real man should be out accomplishing great things. Seeing my husband always busying himself at home made me really angry, and I just couldn’t stand the sight of him. So we had big fights every three days, small ones every two days, our relationship deteriorated, and we got to the point where we hardly ever had a normal conversation. Sometimes, my husband would secretly cry after I scolded him, and seeing this made me even angrier. I thought, “Men aren’t supposed to shed tears easily—how can a grown man cry just like that?” One time, my husband said to me, “It’s too painful for us to go on like this. Your expectations are too high—I truly can’t meet them. If this continues, we might as well get a divorce.” Looking at my husband’s helpless face, I felt a bit regretful for treating him as I had. Seeing my marriage nearing its end filled me with pain. In my despair, a neighbor shared the gospel of the Lord Jesus with me. From the Bible I came to understand that constantly scolding my husband was a sin and displeased the Lord, and that I had to repent.

At the end of 2000, our whole family accepted Almighty God’s work in the last days. Elders and coworkers from the denomination often came to disturb us at home, and later, they even reported me to the police. The police began harassing me frequently at home, and I had no choice but to leave home to do my duty. My husband didn’t dare to live at home anymore either, and took the children to hide and rent places to live elsewhere. But every year, the police still called my husband to look for me. My husband was already introverted and not good at expressing himself, and he got even more nervous when they called, not knowing what to say. I believed that as a man, my husband should act tough and not be so timid in front of the police. So I said to him, “How can you be such a coward of a man? What are you afraid of them for? They’re always harassing us—can’t you talk back to them even a little bit? You get scared at the slightest thing—where is your backbone as a man?” Seeing my husband’s helpless expression, I realized what I said wasn’t right and apologized to him. I told him how to respond when the police called again. But I had been too deeply corrupted by Satan, so when my husband revealed weakness or negativity, I still looked down on him. I thought, “How could a grown man be so cowardly and spineless?” Since we had little in common, we rarely talked, and if he did things not to my liking, I would still be in a huff with him.

One day, my husband and I were doing devotionals together, and we read God’s fellowship dissecting the saying: “One should never be corrupted by wealth, changed by poverty, or bent by force.” It helped me gain discernment about my state. Almighty God says: “It is easy to see from this saying ‘One should never be corrupted by wealth, changed by poverty, or bent by force’ that the person who proposed this requirement for moral conduct is biased against men. In that person’s eyes, men must have a strong will, an inexorable resolve, and a spirit that does not yield to power and violence. From these requirements, can you see what the aim of the person who proposed this saying was? It was to make the useful men and strong-willed men in this society better able to serve society, the nation, and the country, and ultimately able to better serve those in power, and to bring the value and function of men in this society to bear. Only men like this can be called manly and virile. If men fail to meet these requirements, then in the eyes of these moralists and rulers, they are not called manly and virile, but can only be called mediocre people and pariahs and are discriminated against. That is to say, if a man does not have a strong will, inexorable resolve, and a spirit that does not yield to power and violence as they require, but is just an ordinary, mediocre person with no accomplishments, and can only live his own life, and cannot contribute his value to society, to the nation, and to the country, and cannot be assigned to some important position by the rulers, country or nation, then such a person will not be accepted and valued by society, nor will he be valued by those in power, and he will be regarded by the rulers or these moralists as a mediocre person, a pariah, and a degenerate among men. Is this not the case? (Yes.) Do you agree with this saying? Is this saying appropriate? Is it fair to men? (No, unfair.) Must men set their sights on the whole world, the country, and great undertakings for the nation? Can they not just be ordinary, dutiful men? Can they not cry, be lovesick, harbor selfish motives in small ways, or lead a simple life in the company of their loved ones? Must they have the world in their sights to be described as manly and virile? Must they be called manly and virile to be considered men at all? Is the definition of a man that you must be manly and virile? (No.) These ideas are an insult to men, they are tantamount to a personal attack on men. Do any of you feel the same way? (Yes.) Is it okay for men to not have a strong will? Is it okay for men to not have an inexorable resolve? When men come up against power and violence, is it okay for them to yield and seek compromise in order to survive? (Yes, it is.) Is it also okay for men to not have whatever women do not have? Is it okay for men to give themselves a break by not being manly and virile, but just being ordinary men? (Yes, it is.) That way, people will be liberated, the path to being a man will be broadened, and men will not be so tired in life, but can live normally” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. What It Means to Pursue the Truth (11)). “Such societies, nations, and countries have high requirements for men, which puts great pressure on them and gives rise to many adverse consequences. Some men who lose their job daren’t even tell their families. Day after day they shoulder their bag and pretend to go to work, but they actually go out and traipse the streets. Sometimes they come home late at night and even lie to their family members that they’ve been doing overtime at the office. Then the next day, they keep up the pretense by going back out to pace the streets. These ideas of traditional culture, as well as men’s social responsibilities and positioning in society, are a source of pressure and even humiliation, and also distort men’s humanity, causing many men to feel fretful, repressed, and often on the verge of a breakdown whenever they are beset by difficulties. Why is this the case? Because they think that they are men, that men should earn money to support their family, that they should shoulder their responsibilities as men, and that men should not cry or be sad, and that men should not be unemployed, but should be pillars of society, and the backbone of the family. Just as nonbelievers say, ‘Men do not shed tears easily,’ a man should not have weaknesses, nor any shortcomings. These ideas and views are caused by men being wrongly pigeonholed by moralists, as well as by them continually elevating men’s status. These ideas and views not only subject men to all sorts of trouble, vexation, and anguish, but also become shackles within their minds, making their position, situation and encounters in society increasingly awkward” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. What It Means to Pursue the Truth (11)). God’s words touched me deeply, exposing the ideas and views within me. I said to my husband, “I realize I’ve had a bias against men. I believed that a man must be manly and virile. I was influenced by the traditional cultural idea of ‘One should never be corrupted by wealth, changed by poverty, or bent by force.’ I placed extremely high expectations on men, thinking men should accomplish great things, earn big money, and support the family, and also never yield to any evil force. Business was never your strong suit to begin with, but I kept forcing you to go out and do business, and I demanded that you never complain, and stick with it no matter how exhausted you were. When the police threatened and intimidated you, I wouldn’t allow you to feel afraid. In this atheist country of China, the CCP forbids belief in God and persecutes and attacks anyone who believes. Feeling nervous and afraid when interrogated and threatened in this kind of environment is completely normal, but I demanded that you not yield to the police, and that you argue with them, thinking that this was the kind of backbone a man should have. I always thought that as a grown man, you shouldn’t be weak or shed tears easily, and that you should charge forward in the face of trouble and have no fear. When you revealed a bit of normal human weakness, I saw you as pathetic and unmanly, and so I often looked down on and belittled you. I now see that this was hurtful and insulting to you! Through God’s exposure, I finally realize that my perspective was wrong. I caused you a lot of pain, and I was in the wrong. Traditional culture truly brings harm upon both others and oneself!” My husband said, “Only God truly understands people. Over the years, because I didn’t know how to do business and didn’t earn much, you kept belittling and mocking me, and so I felt a deep pain and inferiority in my heart. I lived under such repression! I’m really introverted by nature, and I truly don’t have the drive other men seem to have. Sometimes when I made a mistake, I didn’t dare tell you for fear you’d nag me relentlessly. These past years have been so difficult and exhausting for me! We’re just ordinary people—if we can work hard and feed our family, that’s enough. I just can’t live up to these ideas of being ‘manly and virile’ and ‘not bent by force.’ I’m just an average farmer without any big ambitions. I just want to live an ordinary life. But your standards were too high, and when I couldn’t meet them, you belittled and mocked me. I was really constrained by you! You can’t keep living by those ideas anymore. Those satanic thoughts are too binding—they bring people so much pain! We’re so much freer living by God’s words.” Hearing my husband speak from the heart, I felt a pang in my heart, and I almost cried. I felt I truly owed my husband so much. So I said, “I’m truly sorry. I’ve hurt you too deeply. From now on, I’m willing to change. I won’t keep demanding things of you based on satanic views. I must accord with God’s words in how I view people and things, and in how I conduct myself and handle things.”

Later, I read more of God’s words with my husband. Almighty God says: “Should the social responsibilities of men and women be differentiated? Should men and women have equal social status? Is it fair to unduly elevate the status of men and play down women? (No, it is unfair.) So, how exactly should the social status of men and women be treated in a way that is fair and reasonable? What is the principle for this? (That men and women are equal and should be treated fairly.) Fair treatment is the theoretical basis, but how should it be put into practice in a way that reflects fairness and reasonableness? Does this not have something to do with practical problems? First of all, we must determine that the status of men and women is equal—this is indisputable. Therefore, the social division of labor between men and women should also be equal, and should be considered and arranged according to their caliber and work capability. There should be equality particularly when it comes to human rights, insofar as women should also enjoy that which men can enjoy, in order to ensure equal status between men and women in society. Whoever can do the job, or whoever is competent to be the leader should be allowed to do it, regardless of whether they are a man or woman. What do you think of this principle? (Good.) This reflects equality between men and women. … when deciding whether to select a man or a woman to do anything, besides the overriding principle of fair treatment, the specific principle of practice is to let whoever is capable and up to the job do it, regardless of whether they are male or female. By doing this, you are no longer constrained or bound by the idea that ‘Men are superior to women,’ and no outdated ideas will affect your judgment or choice on this matter. From your point of view, whoever is up to the job should be allowed to do it, regardless of whether they are male or female—is that not being fair? First and foremost, when handling a matter, you have no prejudice against men or women. You believe that there are many outstanding and talented women, and you know quite a few such individuals. Therefore, your insight convinces you that women’s work capability is not inferior to that of men, and that the value women bring to bear in society is no less than that of men. Once you have this insight and understanding, you will make accurate judgments and choices based on this fact whenever you act in future. In other words, if you don’t show favor to anyone, and don’t have any gender bias, then your humanity will be relatively normal in this respect, and you can act fairly. The prohibitions of traditional culture, in the sense that men are regarded as superior to women, will be lifted, your thoughts will no longer be confined, and you will no longer be influenced by this aspect of traditional culture. No matter the prevailing trends of thought or conventions in society, in short you will have already transcended these conventions, and will no longer be confined and influenced by them, and can face the facts and see through to the truth. Even better than that, of course, is that you can view people and things, conduct yourself, and act according to God’s words and the truth principles, with the result that ideas and views such as ‘men must be manly and virile, whereas women are shrinking violets’ do not exist as far as you are concerned. So, are your thoughts and views relatively progressive among human beings? (Yes.) This is progress, relatively speaking. Whether male or female, old or young, everyone can receive fair treatment when they come to you. This is, in effect, edifying people rather than harming them” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. What It Means to Pursue the Truth (11)). “You think that women are weak and vulnerable, that women are shrinking violets and men are manly, so women should be protected. How did these ideas come about? Is it due to the influence of traditional culture? (Yes.) Herein lies the root cause. No matter what you say about treating people fairly, looking at it from your actions, you are undeniably still fettered and confined by this idea in traditional culture that ‘Men are superior to women.’ It is clear to see from your actions that you have not rid yourself of this idea. Is that so? (Yes.) If you want to rid yourself of these fetters, you must seek the truth, understand completely the essence of these ideas, and not act under the influence or control of these ideas of traditional culture. You should abandon and rebel against them once and for all, and no longer view people and things, and conduct yourself and act according to the ideas and views of traditional culture, nor make any judgments and choices based on traditional culture; but rather, view people and things, conduct yourself and act according to the words of God and the truth principles. In this way, you will be walking on the right path, and will be a true created being approved of by God. Otherwise, you will still be controlled by Satan, and you will keep living under Satan’s power, and you will not be able to live in God’s words: These are the facts of the matter” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. What It Means to Pursue the Truth (11)). After reading God’s words, my husband said, “God says people should be treated fairly based on their caliber and work capabilities, that men and women are equal, and that men shouldn’t be held to overly high standards. I was born introverted and don’t like talking much, and I shy away from doing business and dealing with people. There’s no way I can do business with the same intensity and boldness as you. You’re clever and good at business, but I haven’t been idle at home. I’ve worked hard with my hands—isn’t that also a way to support the family? But you weren’t content, and you always expected so much from me. It was exhausting!” From God’s words, I also came to understand that men and women have equal status, whether in the family or in society, and that there shouldn’t be any hierarchy of superiority or inferiority. Things should be based on a person’s caliber and abilities. People should do what they’re capable of. Whoever can get the job done should do it, and everyone should be treated fairly. These are principles. My husband was born shy and doesn’t know how to do business, but he’s diligent and hard-working. He knows carpentry and masonry work, and he can even sew and mend things around the house, and when it comes to physical labor, few can match him. These are his strengths. As his wife, I should let him use his strengths and offer him understanding and help. That aligns with the truth principles. Even though my husband can’t do business, he has fulfilled a man’s responsibilities and duties. For the ten years I’ve been out doing my duty, he’s taken on the roles of both a father and a mother. But influenced by wrong perspectives, I was unable to see any of his strengths. I insisted he should be able to do business and earn big money, demanding that he never complain when tired, and never cry even when wronged. I placed unreasonable demands on my husband, and brought him great suffering. Living by these wrong viewpoints, I truly lacked normal humanity! I should treat my husband correctly according to God’s words, no longer complaining about or constraining him, and no longer trying to force him to do this or that. I should let him make use of his strengths and do what suits him. Realizing this brightened my heart. Later, I consciously practiced God’s words in daily life, and gradually, we were able to open up and communicate. We started to show care and consideration for each other, and this allowed me to feel the ease and joy of practicing God’s words.

Later, I read another passage of God’s words: “People often like to treat famous sayings from traditional culture and the truth as equals and mix them together, especially when it comes to things that outwardly resemble the truth, or that appear to conform with human morality, the standards of their consciences, and human feelings. Everyone believes these things to be positive and aligned with the truth, but no one can see that they originate in Satan and that they are actually negative things. Now, is anything that Satan instills in man positive? (No.) There is nothing positive in those things at all. On the contrary, they are all negative things and satanic poisons. This is beyond doubt. So, have you come to know and dig out these negative things and satanic poisons? Is there anything left in your mind that is similar to these things from traditional culture which you consider to be correct? If there is, it is a scourge, a cancer! You should ponder on this more now, and you should carefully observe and pay attention to this in your daily life. See whether there is anything in what others say and what you hear, or in the things that make an impression on you or that you remember, or in those things that you accept into your heart and regard as valuable, that resembles what traditional culture advocates for. If there is, you must discern and dissect it, and then completely abandon it. This will be of benefit to your pursuit of the truth” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. What It Means to Pursue the Truth (14)). I saw that living by traditional culture only leads people further and further away from God. These sayings about moral conduct instilled by Satan are roadblocks and obstacles to people’s life entry, and they are truly harmful to our pursuit of the truth. I had been deeply misled and poisoned by traditional culture, and though I had believed in God for years and ate and drank His words often, I had never realized that traditional culture is a negative thing. In fact, whether man or woman, what God created are just ordinary, normal human beings, and everyone has normal emotions—joy, anger, sorrow, and happiness. Men also have things they don’t understand or can’t do, and they can have weaknesses. When they work a lot, they get tired, and when something sad happens, they feel sorrow—isn’t that perfectly normal? But I viewed things by the traditional cultural idea of “One should never be corrupted by wealth, changed by poverty, or bent by force.” I always placed unrealistic demands on my husband, and when he couldn’t meet my standards, I belittled and mocked him, using harsh, hurtful words. What I lived out was entirely a satanic corrupt disposition. I caused my husband great pain, and I myself lived under great repression. If God hadn’t dissected and fellowshipped on these traditional cultural views in such detail, we would never have seen through them as being wrong, and we would still be harmed and fooled by Satan. I thought of a relative of mine who was just like me. She insisted on changing her husband, trying to make him into her idea of a manly and virile man. But no matter what, he couldn’t be that man. She constantly berated him and put him under long-term pressure, and as a result, he drank pesticide and took his own life. I also had a very close friend. She was a very strong-willed woman. She was very capable in business and earned a lot of money, but her husband was very guileless. She insisted that he had to be just as capable as she was, and when he couldn’t meet her expectations, they often argued. She lived in great misery, and in the end, she hanged herself. These traditional cultural ideas have ruined countless lives. I too was deeply harmed by them. Not only was I like this toward my husband, but I also belittled and discriminated against other guileless and incapable men, and I never considered their feelings. My unreasonable demands on men were, in fact, a kind of insult to their integrity. I had no humanity or reason at all! Realizing all this, I hated myself. Later on, when my husband did things that weren’t to my liking or didn’t meet my standards, I would feel the urge to belittle him again, but I learned to rebel against myself, not to live by my corrupt disposition, and to be tolerant and understanding of him, and I no longer said hurtful things to him. My husband also became more understanding and considerate toward me. When I was busy doing my duty, he took care of all the housework, and this gave me more time to do my duty. When I saw him feeling negative and weak, I would patiently fellowship with him using God’s words to help him, and gradually, my husband no longer looked as gloomy as before. Sometimes he even hummed hymns of God’s words, with a smile I hadn’t seen in a long time.

After experiencing all this, I deeply felt how real God’s salvation is. God has dissected and fellowshipped on each of the sayings about moral conduct in traditional culture one by one, allowing people to see through to the harm and consequences they bring. Everything God does is to completely save people from Satan’s influence, so that people are no longer tormented by Satan, and so that people can pursue the truth, live by the truth, and be fully gained by God. This is the painstaking intention behind God’s salvation of man. I also came to understand that unless we let go of the traditional culture Satan has instilled in us, we will never be free from pain. It was God’s words that turned around my mistaken views. They helped me find the root of my suffering and break free from the bonds of traditional culture. Thank God for His salvation!