By Xiao Yuxin, China

In August 2023, my mom was arrested by the CCP while doing her duty. At the time, the brothers and sisters and I had no idea. We didn’t hear a thing about her until September 2024, when she sent a letter from prison. That’s how we learned she’d been sentenced to four years. The news left me feeling weak all over. My heart was in agony, and I thought, “Mom was detained before for preaching the gospel. After her release, she kept doing her duty away from home. All these years, the police have always been coming to our house, demanding to know where she was. Now she’s in their hands again. I can’t imagine how they’ll torture her. Life in prison is hard. Can she stand firm?” A sister fellowshipped with me then. She told me that the environments we experience and the suffering we endure in life are all preordained by God. She said I should place my mother in God’s hands and submit to His sovereignty and arrangements. I knew I should submit, but the moment I thought of how viciously the CCP treats believers in Almighty God, and how my mom would surely suffer terribly, my mind flew into chaos, and I barely registered a word she said. Afterward, I kept doing my duty, but whenever I had a free moment or couldn’t sleep at night, my mind would fill with images of arrested brothers and sisters being brutally tortured by the police or abused by inmates, and I would get really worried for my mom. “How is she doing in prison?” I’d wonder. “There are still so many days and nights left in her four-year sentence. How will she ever get through it? Some people can’t withstand the torture after they get arrested, so they turn Judas. Others sign the Three Statements and betray God. What if Mom can’t stand firm in her testimony and betrays God? Wouldn’t all the suffering she’s endured have been for nothing?” Then I remembered a sister telling me a few months ago that her husband was sentenced to five and a half years for his faith. He was about to be released at the end of his sentence, but because he refused to sell out the church or deny God, the police actually beat him to death. They even twisted the facts and claimed he’d committed suicide. Another brother was also tortured to death a year after his arrest. Thinking about this worried me even more. If the police tortured my mom to death, how could she ever be saved by God? I just couldn’t understand it. I was puzzled, “After Mom came to believe in God, she did her duty diligently. She never sold out anyone or the church the last time she was arrested. After that, she always did her duty away from home to avoid arrest. God has watched over and protected her all these years, so why didn’t He protect her this time? Why does God allow the CCP to arrest and persecute us? If it weren’t for all this persecution, we could just believe in God and do our duties in peace, and Mom wouldn’t have to suffer in prison.” During those days, my mood was heavy and repressed. In my prayers, I didn’t know what to say to God, and I couldn’t quiet my heart while doing my duty. I just couldn’t stop thinking about how my mom was, and I was in extreme mental agony. I knew my state was wrong, and that I had developed notions about God. Then, I remembered a passage of His words: “Notions are a major problem. People having notions about God is like a wall standing between them and God, one that stops them from seeing the true face of God, that stops them from seeing the true disposition and true essence of God. Why is this? It’s because people live among their notions, and among their imaginings, and they use their notions to determine whether God is right or wrong, and to measure, judge, and condemn all that God does. What kind of state are people often plunged into by doing this? Can people truly submit to God when they live among their notions? Can they have true faith in God? (No, they cannot.) Even when people do submit to God a little, they do so according to their own notions and imaginings. When one relies on their notions and imaginings, it becomes tainted with personal things that are of Satan and the world, and it is at odds with the truth. The problem of people’s notions about God is a serious one; it is a major issue between man and God that urgently needs to be resolved” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Only by Resolving One’s Notions Can One Embark on the Right Track of Belief in God (1)). From God’s words, I came to realize how dangerous it is to have notions about Him. They create misunderstandings and a barrier between a person and God. If a person doesn’t understand God’s intentions behind the things that happen, they can’t submit to His orchestrations and arrangements. That was my exact state during that period of time. Ever since I learned my mom was in prison, as soon as I thought about her suffering and wondered whether she’d even make it out alive, I developed notions about God. I didn’t understand why He allows the great red dragon to arrest and persecute believers, I complained that He hadn’t protected my mom, and my heart wasn’t in my duty. If I kept living in my notions instead of seeking the truth, the barrier between God and me would only grow and grow. So I prayed, “Dear God, I have never been able to bring myself to submit to Mom’s arrest, and I’ve developed notions about You. I don’t want to keep being so rebellious. Please guide me so I can understand Your intentions.”

During my spiritual devotions, I read a passage of God’s words that really helped me. Almighty God says: “People must frequently examine anything in their heart that is incompatible with God, or is a misunderstanding of Him. How do misunderstandings come about? Why do people misunderstand God? (Because their self-interest is affected.) After people see the facts about the Jewish exile from Judea, they feel hurt, and say, ‘At first, God loved the Israelites so much. He led them out of Egypt and through the Red Sea, gave them manna from the heavens and spring water to drink, then personally gave them laws to lead them, and taught them how to live. God’s love for man was overflowing—people who lived back then were so blessed! How could God’s attitude toward them do a one-eighty in the blink of an eye? Where did all His love go?’ People’s feelings cannot get past this, and they begin to doubt, saying, ‘Is God love or isn’t He? Why isn’t His original attitude toward the Israelites visible anymore? His love has disappeared without a trace. Does He have any love at all?’ This is where people’s misunderstanding starts. What is the context in which people form misunderstandings? Could it be because God’s actions are not compatible with people’s notions and imaginings? Is this fact what causes people to misunderstand God? Is the reason people misunderstand God not because they delimit His love? They think, ‘God is love. Therefore, He should look out for and protect people, and shower them with grace and blessings. This is what God’s love is! I like it when God loves people this way. I could especially see how much God loved people when He led them through the Red Sea. People back then were so blessed! I wish I could be one of them!’ When you are enamored with this story, you treat the love God revealed in that instant as the highest truth, and the single marker of His essence. You delimit Him in your heart, and pass the verdict that everything God did at that moment is the highest truth. You think that this is God’s most lovely side, and the one that most makes people respect and fear Him, and that this is God’s love. In actuality, God’s actions themselves were positive, but because of your delimiting, they became notions in your mind, and a basis on which you pass verdicts on God. They make you misunderstand God’s love, as though there is nothing else to it than mercy, caring, protection, guidance, grace, and blessings—as though that is all God’s love is. Why do you cherish these aspects of love so much? Is it because it is tied to your own self-interest? (Yes, it is.) Which self-interests is it tied to? (The pleasures of the flesh and a comfortable life.) When people believe in God they want to obtain these things from Him, but not other things. People do not want to think about judgment, chastisement, trials, refinement, suffering for God, giving things up and expending themselves, or even sacrificing their own lives. People just want to enjoy God’s love, care, protection, and guidance, so they pass the verdict that God’s love is the only characteristic of His essence, and His only essence. Did the things God did when leading the Israelites across the Red Sea not become the source of people’s notions? (Yes, they did.) This formed a context in which people formed notions about God. If they formed notions about God, then can they achieve a true understanding of God’s work and disposition? It is obvious that not only will they not understand, but they will misinterpret it and form notions about it. This proves that man’s understanding is too narrow, and is not true understanding. For it is not the truth, but rather a type of love and understanding which people analyze and interpret from God based on their own notions, imaginings, and selfish desires; it is not compatible with God’s true essence. In what other ways does God love people other than through mercy, salvation, care, protection, and by listening to their prayers? (With chastening, discipline, pruning, judgment, chastisement, trials, and refinement.) That is correct. God shows His love in an abundance of ways: by striking, disciplining, reproaching, and with judgment, chastisement, trials, refinement, and so on. These are all aspects of God’s love. Only this perspective is comprehensive and in line with the truth. If you understand this, when you examine yourself and realize you have misunderstandings about God, are you not then able to recognize your distortions, and to do a good job reflecting on where you went wrong? Can this not help you resolve your misunderstandings about God? (Yes, it can.) In order to accomplish this, you must seek the truth. So long as people seek the truth, they can eliminate their misunderstandings about God, and once they have eliminated their misunderstandings about God, they can submit to all of God’s arrangements” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Only by Understanding the Truth Can One Know God’s Deeds). After reading God’s words, I realized that I couldn’t understand His actions because I’d delimited His love in a certain way. I believed God’s love meant He should watch over and protect people, giving them grace and blessings, and never letting them face pain or tribulation. When God’s actions didn’t fit my notions, I couldn’t accept or submit to them. This was all because I didn’t truly know His work. I remember when I was little, my mom used to tell me how God created humanity and provided everything for us. In the Age of Law, He had Moses lead the Israelites out of Egypt and across the Red Sea, sending them quail and manna in the wilderness and guiding them into the good land of Canaan. In the Age of Grace, the Lord Jesus healed the sick, cast out demons, and was crucified to redeem humanity. So in my mind, God’s love was all about care and protection, and the bestowal of grace and blessings. After I came to believe in God, I saw Him keep us safe and sound, and we enjoyed His grace and blessings in our lives, which made me feel even more that He loved us greatly. But this time, with my mom arrested and in prison, her flesh was bound to suffer a lot. I worried that if she couldn’t stand firm in her testimony or was tortured to death by the police, she’d lose her chance at salvation. So I complained about God for not protecting her. I even tried to argue with Him, pointing out how diligent she was in doing her duty and how she’d never sold out anyone or the church when she was arrested. I was so devoid of reason! I was measuring God’s love based on whether the flesh gained benefits and blessings, which does not align with the truth at all. God’s love isn’t just grace and blessings; it also includes judgment, chastisement, trials, and refinement. When God bestows grace and blessings on people, that is His love; but when He sets up environments to try and refine people, it is even more a manifestation of His love. Take my mom’s arrest, for example. From a fleshly standpoint, I saw it as a bad thing and delimited it as not being God’s love. Actually, my understanding was just too one-sided. If this hadn’t happened, I would have never realized that I had delimited God, had notions and misunderstandings about Him, or that I had no true knowledge of His work and His love. In the same way, even though my mom is suffering physically from experiencing arrest and prison, if she can pray to and rely on God and seek His intentions in her hardship, she can understand the truth, grow in her life, and her faith in God can also increase. That would be a good thing for her. A lot of God’s work doesn’t fit our notions or benefit our flesh, but it benefits our lives, which demonstrates His love all the more. Pondering this, my heart grew much brighter.

Later, I reflected again: Why couldn’t I submit to my mom’s arrest? Then I read God’s words: “I do not give people the opportunity to express their feelings, for I am without fleshly feelings, and have grown to hate the feelings of people to an extreme degree. It is because of the feelings between people that I have been cast to one side, and thus I have become a ‘third party’ in their eyes; it is because of the feelings between people that I have been forgotten; it is because of the feelings of man that he takes the opportunity to pick up his ‘conscience’; it is because of the feelings of man that he is always averse to My chastisement; it is because of the feelings of man that he always calls Me unfair and unjust, and says that I am heedless of man’s feelings in My handling of things. Do I also have kin upon earth? Who has ever, like Me, worked day and night, without thought for food or sleep, for the sake of My entire management plan? How could man be comparable to God? How could man be compatible with God?” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. God’s Words to the Entire Universe, Chapter 28). “Mankind all live in a state of feelings, and so God does not avoid a single one of them, and exposes the secrets hidden in the hearts of all mankind. Why is it so hard for people to cast off their feelings? Does doing so surpass the standards of conscience? Can conscience fulfill God’s will? Can feelings help people through adversity? In God’s eyes, feelings are His enemy—has this not been clearly stated in God’s words?” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Revelations of the Mysteries of “God’s Words to the Entire Universe,” Chapter 28). I reflected and realized I couldn’t submit because I was living in fleshly affection. In terms of doctrine, I knew that the people, events, and things that come upon us every day, good or bad, are permitted by God and should be accepted from Him. But when I found out my mom was in prison, I couldn’t accept it from God, and still less did I seek His intentions. Just the thought of her physical and mental pain and torment in prison broke my heart. I didn’t want her to suffer. I was also afraid she would fail to stand firm in her testimony, turn Judas and thus not be saved, or that the police would torture her to death in prison and I’d lose my mother. I sided with my fleshly affections and argued with God, complaining that He hadn’t protected her. Everything I thought was in resistance to God. I was setting myself against God and opposing Him. I thought about Job during his trials. He lost all his livestock, all his possessions, and all ten of his children, and his body was covered in sore boils. But Job never complained. He believed that everything was in God’s hands and that even adversity came with God’s permission, and he still submitted to God and praised His name. I saw that Job had a God-fearing heart. I fall so far short of him! When I heard my mom had been arrested and was in prison, I just couldn’t accept it. I was completely living in affections. Even though I knew this had God’s permission, I couldn’t submit. I argued with God and opposed Him inwardly. Where was my God-fearing heart? It’s clearly the great red dragon that hates God and arrests and persecutes believers, and that’s why my mom is suffering so much after her arrest. But instead of hating the CCP, I complained about God. I had everything completely backward and couldn’t tell right from wrong!

After that, I read a few more passages of God’s words and began to understand a little about the significance of why God allows persecution and tribulations. God says: “Over the course of His work, ever since the beginning, God has set out trials for every person—or you could say, every person who follows Him—and these trials come in various sizes. There are those who have experienced the trial of being rejected by their families, those who have experienced the trial of adverse environments, those who have experienced the trial of being arrested and tortured, those who have experienced the trial of being faced with choices, and those who have faced the trials of money and status. Generally speaking, each of you has faced all manner of trials. Why does God work like this? Why does He treat everyone this way? What sort of result does He seek? Here is the point I wish to communicate to you: God wants to see whether or not this person is the type who fears Him and shuns evil. What this means is that when God is giving you a trial, and facing you with some circumstance or other, His intention is to test whether or not you are a person who fears Him and shuns evil” (The Word, Vol. 2. On Knowing God. How to Know God’s Disposition and the Results His Work Shall Achieve). “During the work of God’s abiding provision and support of man, He tells the entirety of His intentions and requirements to man, and shows His deeds, disposition, and what He has and is to man. The objective is to equip man with stature, and to allow man to gain various truths from God while following Him—truths that are the weapons given to man by God with which to fight Satan. Thus equipped, man must face God’s tests. God has many means and avenues for testing man, but every one of them requires the ‘cooperation’ of God’s enemy: Satan. This is to say, having given man powerful weapons with which to do battle with Satan, God hands man over to Satan and allows Satan to ‘test’ man’s stature. If man can break out from the battle formations that Satan has set up, if he can escape Satan’s encirclement and still live, then man will have passed the test. But if man fails to leave Satan’s battle formations, and is subdued by Satan, then he will not have passed the test. Whatever aspect of man God tests, the criteria for His tests are whether or not man stands firm in his testimony when attacked by Satan, and whether or not he renounces God and capitulates and surrenders to Satan while ensnared by Satan. It may be said that whether or not man can be saved depends on whether he can overcome and defeat Satan, and whether or not he can gain freedom depends on whether he is able to wield, on his own, the weapons given to him by God to overcome Satan’s bondage, making Satan completely abandon hope and relinquish him. If Satan abandons hope and relinquishes someone, this means that Satan will never again try to take this person from God, will never again accuse and disturb this person, will never again wantonly torture or attack them; only someone such as this will truly have been gained by God. This is the entire process by which God gains a person” (The Word, Vol. 2. On Knowing God. God’s Work, God’s Disposition, and God Himself II). “Those who truly follow God are able to withstand their work being tested, whereas those who do not truly follow God are incapable of withstanding any of God’s trials. Sooner or later they will be expelled, while the overcomers will remain in the kingdom. Whether or not man truly seeks God can only be determined by testing his work, that is, by God’s trials, and has nothing to do with what man himself concludes. God does not reject any person lightly; all that He does can utterly convince man. He does not do anything that is invisible to man, or any work that cannot convince man. Whether man’s belief is true or not is proved by the facts and cannot be determined by man. That ‘wheat cannot be made into tares, and tares cannot be made into wheat’ is without doubt. All those who truly love God will ultimately remain in the kingdom, and God will not treat anyone who truly loves Him poorly” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. God’s Work and Man’s Practice). From God’s words, I understood that He allows persecution and tribulation to come upon people to perfect them and make them loyal and submissive to Him. At the same time, He reveals and eliminates those who are not sincere toward Him. In the last days, God expresses the truth to provide for us and tells us all His requirements. Then, He sets up some real environments to try and test us, to see if we are sincere and submissive toward Him. If we can take up the truth as our weapon to battle Satan, stand firm in our testimony for God during trials, and utterly shame Satan, then we become people who have been gained by God. Take the CCP’s arrests and persecution for example. Sincere believers, despite their pain and weakness, do not deny or betray God. Instead, through Satan’s persecution, they see the devil’s ugly face clearly. In times of weakness and pain, the enlightenment and guidance of God’s words gives them even greater faith, and they’re willing to risk their lives to stand firm in their testimony. Through this kind of environment, God gains people’s sincere hearts and works the truth into them. It’s like the main character in the movie The Refiner’s Fire. To force her to betray God, the police stripped her naked and shocked her whole body with electric batons. She endured extreme torture, but God’s words gave her faith. She would rather die than betray or deny God. She bore a resounding testimony for Him and ultimately shamed Satan. I saw that sincere believers, no matter what environments they experience or how much suffering or torture they endure, can hold fast to their loyalty to God. For them, tribulations and suffering are a way of being perfected, and are also a special blessing from God. But those who are not sincere toward God deny and betray God out of self-preservation when they face physical torture, pain, or the threat of death. Such people are the tares that are revealed, the very ones God will eliminate. God uses the great red dragon as a service-doer to both reveal and perfect people. God is so wise! I remembered my mom making a resolution after her last arrest: Even if she were arrested again, she would hold fast to her faith and persist in following God, and never betray God. This arrest is God’s test of her. If she betrays God to protect her flesh, she will be revealed. But if she can pray to and rely on God, and stand firm in her testimony for God no matter how Satan persecutes her, then this environment will perfect her, increasing her faith and love. It’s also an opportunity God has given her to bear witness—a special blessing from Him. Understanding this, I let go of some of my worries for my mom in my heart.

As I kept seeking, I realized I had another mistaken view. I thought that if someone was persecuted to death in prison, they couldn’t be saved. It wasn’t until I read a passage of God’s words that my viewpoint was turned around. God says: “Let us not speak of the final outcome of those martyrs, or of God’s verdict on their deeds, but ask this: When those martyrs arrived at the end, did the ways their lives ended accord with human notions? (No, they did not.) From the perspective of human notions, those martyrs paid such a great price to propagate the work of God, but were ultimately grievously harmed to death by Satan. This does not accord with human notions. However, those things are precisely what befell them—this is what God allowed. What truth can be sought in this? Was God allowing them to die this way His curse and condemnation, or was it His arrangement and blessing? It was neither. What was it? It brings people heartache to think about the deaths of those martyrs, yet these are indeed the facts. What explanation should be given for believers in God dying in this way? When we mention this topic, you put yourselves in their position, so in your hearts do you feel upset and a bit of hidden pain? You think, ‘These people did their duty to propagate God’s gospel and should be considered good people, so how could they come to such an end and such an outcome?’ Actually, this was how their bodies died and passed away; this was their manner of departure from the human world, yet that did not mean their outcome was the same. No matter what the manner of their death and departure was or how it happened, it was not how God determined the final outcomes of those lives, of those created beings. This is something you must see clearly. On the contrary, this was precisely the manner by which they condemned this world and bore witness to God’s deeds. These created beings used their most precious lives—they used the last moment of their lives to bear witness to God’s deeds, to bear witness to God’s great power, and to declare to Satan and the world that God’s deeds are right, that the Lord Jesus is God, that He is the Lord, and God’s incarnate flesh. Even down to the final moment of their lives, they never denied the name of the Lord Jesus. Was this not a form of judgment upon this world? They used their lives to proclaim to the world, to prove to human beings that the Lord Jesus is the Lord, that the Lord Jesus is Christ, that He is God’s incarnate flesh, that the work of redeeming all of mankind He did allows this mankind to live on—this fact is forever unchanging. To what extent did those who were martyred for propagating the gospel of the Lord Jesus perform their duty? Was it to the ultimate extent? How was the ultimate extent manifested? (They offered their lives.) That’s right, they paid the price with their lives. Family, wealth, and the material things of this life are all external things; the only thing that is related to the self is life. To every living person, life is the thing most worthy of being treasured, the most precious thing and, as it happens, these people were able to offer their most precious possession as confirmation of and testimony to God’s love for mankind. All the way up until their deaths, they did not deny God’s name, nor did they deny God’s work, and they used their last moments of life to bear witness to the existence of this fact—is this not the highest form of testimony? This is the best way of performing one’s duty; this is what it is to fulfill one’s responsibility” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Preaching the Gospel Is the Duty All Believers Are Bound to Fulfill). After reading God’s words, my heart brightened. I used to think that being persecuted to death by the police meant you couldn’t be saved by God, but that’s not how God sees it at all. The Lord Jesus said: “Whoever will save his life shall lose it: and whoever will lose his life for My sake shall find it” (Matthew 16:25). I thought of those who turned Judas. After being arrested, terrified of police torture, they sold out leaders and workers, or their brothers and sisters and also signed the Three Statements. They didn’t suffer physically and were released—they’re still alive today—but they’ve lost their chance at salvation forever and will face eternal punishment in the future. But those who were martyred through being persecuted to death by the great red dragon—though they were tortured to death, they stood firm in their testimony at the cost of their own lives. That is the most meaningful and valuable thing, and it is remembered by God. It’s just like the disciples in the Age of Grace who were martyred for proclaiming the name of the Lord Jesus. They were loyal to God. After they died, their souls returned to God, and He had fitting arrangements for them. What’s more, their deaths are proof of Satan doing evil in brutalizing God’s chosen people, and they are a victorious testimony of God gaining glory and defeating Satan. My mom’s fate is in God’s hands. Everything she will experience is under His sovereignty and arrangements. Even if she is persecuted to death, it would be for the sake of righteousness, and it would be a glorious thing. I’m just a tiny created being; I have no right to tell God what to do. I must submit to His sovereignty and arrangements. Realizing this, the torment in my heart began to subside.

This past January, my grandfather wrote to say that my mom had sent a letter from prison. She said the labor is very arduous and her eyesight has gotten much worse. Hearing this made me furious and heartbroken. “Mom already had eye problems,” I thought. “Doing such heavy labor every day—what if she goes blind? There’s still so much left of her sentence. The days ahead are going to be so hard for her!” Then, I remembered God’s words: “The path God guides us along does not go straight up, but is a winding road full of potholes; God says, furthermore, that the rockier the path is, the more it can reveal our loving hearts. Yet none of us can open up such a path. In My experience, I have walked many rocky, treacherous paths and I have endured great suffering; at times I have even been so utterly grief-stricken that I wanted to cry out, but I have walked this path to this day. I believe that this is the path led by God, so I endure the torment of all the suffering and continue onward. For this is what God has ordained, so who can escape it? I do not ask to receive any blessings; all I ask is that I am able to walk the path I ought to walk according to God’s intentions. I do not seek to imitate others, walking the path that they walk; all I seek is that I may offer My devotion and walk My designated path until the end. I do not ask for the help of others; to be frank, I cannot help anyone else, either. It seems that I am terribly sensitive on this matter. I do not know what other people think. This is because I have always believed that the amount an individual must suffer and the distance they must walk on their path are preordained by God, and that no one can really help anyone else” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. The Path … (6)). Pondering God’s words, I understood that the path of faith is not a smooth one; we must all endure a great deal of suffering. The hardships each person will experience are preordained by God. How the police treat my mom, how much she suffers in prison, whether she will go blind—all of this is in God’s hands. All I can do now is pray more, place my mom in God’s hands, and ask Him to give her the faith to experience this environment. Now, when I think of my mom, although I still feel a little worried and concerned, it no longer affects my state. I can quiet my heart and dedicate myself to my duty, because I understand that everything God does is good and contains His good intentions.