By Emilia, Italy

For the past few years, I’ve been doing my duty as an actor, filming experiential testimony videos. Later, some of the brothers and sisters who did the same duty as me started training themselves in singing and dancing in addition to filming experiential testimony videos. I was so envious seeing how multi-talented they were, and I thought to myself, “It must be so great to have so many gifts and talents. You get to appear in all kinds of videos and earn admiration and praise from more brothers and sisters. People always talk about multi-talented individuals with such envy and fondness.” I started hoping that one day I could also be in other videos and earn the admiration of my brothers and sisters. That seemed like the impressive way to live. A while ago, I saw the leader arrange for two sisters to record a demo for a foreign language hymn, and I thought to myself, “I’ve studied foreign languages before, so couldn’t I sing it, too? Why didn’t the leader ask me to try it out?” Seeing the sisters rehearsing made me feel a little disappointed, thinking, “How impressive that’d be if I could get up on stage to sing! The brothers and sisters would really admire me then.” Then I heard that three more brothers and sisters were going to sing foreign language hymns. I felt another pang of disappointment and sadness, and I even complained a little, “I don’t have any other talents, so all I can do is film experiential testimony videos. I’ll never get out of this box. What will others think of me? I’m sure I don’t carry much weight in the hearts of the brothers and sisters.” Then I’d look at the brothers and sisters who could sing and dance, and were impressive and prominent on stage. Everyone admired them a lot and paid them so much attention. It left a really sour taste in my mouth, and I just longed for the day I could also do singing or dancing duty.

Finally, one day, my chance came. A sister asked me to record a singing demo to see if I could do duty in that area. I was overjoyed. I thought, “I’ve really got to seize this opportunity. If I get chosen, I’ll be able to sing on stage, too. How impressive would that be! The brothers and sisters would definitely admire me and envy me.” But when I actually tried to sing, I realized how far off I was. I was off-key at times, and my vocal range was narrow. I sent the finished demo to the sister, holding on to a sliver of hope that I’d hear a message saying that I could sing part-time. But in the end, nothing came of it; I never heard back.

Not long after, the leader asked me and another sister to film demos of a Yangge dance. Yangge dance is a folk dance from my hometown. Although I’d never studied it professionally, I used to dance it a lot as a child. It would be great if I could be chosen to dance it. But when I actually danced, I struggled with my balance, my limbs were uncoordinated, and my movements and gestures weren’t standard. It took two practice sessions for me to just about learn it, but I didn’t dance well, and at some points, my arms and legs were moving on the same side. Later, the sister who filmed the demos with me was chosen. This sister could not only film experiential testimony videos but also work as a director. She used to perform crosstalk comedy, she was a good singer, and she’d even studied musical instruments. And now, she was starting to dance. She was truly so multi-talented! Others have so many talents! During that time, I would often fantasize about having many different gifts and talents—not only being able to sing and dance, but also being able to play various musical instruments, looking really impressive on stage. One day, I was dishing out food in the kitchen when I overheard a sister enthusiastically say to one of the dancers, “You’re about to go on stage and dance soon, that’s wonderful! Have you tried on your costume? …” Hearing her concern for the sister, I felt a pang of jealousy tinged with disappointment. Standing there, I felt a bit awkward, thinking, “It’s always the multi-talented people who get all the attention. In comparison, I can’t sing or dance. All I can do is film experiential testimony videos, which is so unremarkable!” I felt awful inside. Gradually, I grew more and more averse to filming experiential testimony videos, and my attitude toward this duty became more and more dismissive. I stopped putting my heart into relying on God to tell the testimonies well and just filmed them mechanically. I also became unwilling to talk much with the brothers and sisters who could sing and dance. I felt a barrier between me and them in my heart, feeling that I was inferior to them; I also envied them and was jealous of them. One day, I thought of a passage of scripture: “Shall the thing formed say to him that formed it, Why have you made me thus? Has not the potter power over the clay, of the same lump to make one vessel to honor, and another to dishonor?” (Romans 9:20–21). This passage really touched me, and I realized that I was too lacking in reason. My gifts and talents were all preordained by God; I shouldn’t have unreasonable demands or extravagant desires. Always being dissatisfied with my own abilities was opposing and resisting God! During that time, I often prayed to God, wanting to resolve my problem.

One day, I read God’s words and gained some understanding of the views behind my pursuits. Almighty God says: “A lot of people don’t understand the truth or pursue the truth. What do they treat performing a duty like? They treat it like a kind of job, a kind of hobby, or an investment of their interest. They don’t treat it like a mission or a task given by God, or a responsibility which they should fulfill. Even less do they seek to understand the truth or God’s intentions in the course of performing their duties, so that they may perform their duties well and complete God’s commission. … Can people like this gain the truth? They do not put in effort with regard to the truth, and they do not put the truth into practice when it comes to performing their duties. To them, the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. Today they want to do this, tomorrow they want to do that, and they think that everyone else’s duties are better and easier than their own. And yet, they do not put in effort with regard to the truth. They do not think about what problems there are with these ideas of theirs, and they do not seek the truth to solve problems. Their minds are always focused on when their own dreams will be realized, who is in the limelight, who is getting recognition from the Above, who does work without being pruned and gets promoted. Their minds are filled with these things. Can people who are always thinking about these things perform their duties in a way that is up to standard? They can never accomplish this. So, what kind of people perform their duties in this way? Are they people who pursue the truth? Firstly, one thing is certain: People like this do not pursue the truth. They seek to enjoy a few blessings, become famous, and step into the spotlight in God’s house, just like when they were getting by in society. In terms of essence, what kind of people are they? They are disbelievers. Disbelievers perform their duties in God’s house as they would do work in the outside world. They care about who is getting promoted, who is becoming a team leader, who is becoming a church leader, who is being praised by everyone for their work, who is exalted and mentioned. They care about these things. It is just like in a company: Who is getting promoted, who is getting a raise, who is receiving the praise of the leader, and who is becoming familiar with the leader—people care about these things. If they also pursue these things in God’s house, and are preoccupied with these things all day, aren’t they the same as the nonbelievers? In essence, they are nonbelievers; they are typical disbelievers. Whatever duty they perform, they will just be laboring and acting in a perfunctory way. Whatever sermons they hear, they still won’t accept the truth, and even less will they put the truth into practice. They have believed in God for many years without undergoing any change, and no matter how many years they perform their duties for, they will not be able to offer their loyalty. They do not have true faith in God, they do not have loyalty, they are disbelievers” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Eight: They Would Have Others Submit Only to Them, Not the Truth or God (Part One)). The exposures in God’s words made me feel deeply ashamed. Nonbelievers in society are always pursuing the appreciation of their superiors or the admiration of others. And here I was, a believer for many years, still pursuing these things just like a nonbeliever. My perspective on things hadn’t changed at all. I was always focused on who got to sing, who got to dance, or who had a particular talent that earned the admiration and praise of the brothers and sisters. I focused on these things every day. Seeing the brothers and sisters around me with their many talents, able to cooperate in doing various duties, made me incredibly envious. I really wanted to possess these gifts and talents too, so I could perform on stage and show myself off. When I was later asked to record singing and dancing demos, I felt disappointed and distressed because I didn’t have those talents and couldn’t do those duties. I complained about why God hadn’t given me those gifts and talents and wondered why I was inferior to others. I even began to treat my current duty flippantly. I constantly pursued having various gifts and talents to satisfy my ambition and desire to stand out and be noticed. I was neglecting my proper work and not walking the right path! In truth, no matter what talent you use in which duty, it’s all for the purpose of preaching the gospel and testifying to God, so that more people can return before God and accept His salvation. This is God’s intention, and it has nothing to do with reputation or status. But I always felt that I could only earn the admiration of more people by having a wide range of talents, being good at singing and dancing, and being multi-talented. My perspective was the same as that of a nonbeliever—it was the perspective of a disbeliever!

Later, I read two passages of God’s words and gained some understanding of the root cause of my constant pursuit of gifts and talents. Almighty God says: “Antichrists’ cherishment of their reputation and status goes beyond that of ordinary people, and is something within their disposition essence; it is not a temporary interest, or the transient effect of their surroundings—it is something within their life, their bones, and so it is their essence. This is to say that in everything antichrists do, their first consideration is their own reputation and status, nothing else. For antichrists, reputation and status are their life, and the goal they pursue throughout their lives. … It can be said that for antichrists, reputation and status are not some additional requirement, much less things which are external to them that they could do without. They are part of the nature of antichrists, they are in their bones, in their blood, they are innate to them. Antichrists are not indifferent toward whether they possess reputation and status; this is not their attitude. Then, what is their attitude? Reputation and status are intimately connected to their daily lives, to their daily state, to what they pursue on a daily basis. For antichrists, status and reputation are their life. No matter how they live, no matter what environment they live in, no matter what work they do, no matter what they pursue, what their goals are, what their life’s direction is, it all revolves around having a good reputation and a high status. And this aim does not change; they can never put aside such things” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Nine (Part Three)). “Why do you treasure status so much? What benefits can you get from status? If status brought you disaster, difficulties, embarrassment, and pain, would you still treasure it? (No.) There are so many benefits that come from having status, things like envy, respect, esteem, and flattery from other people, as well as their admiration and reverence. There is also the sense of superiority and privilege that your status brings you, which gives you pride and a sense of self-worth. In addition, you can also enjoy things that others do not, such as the benefits of status and special treatment. These are the things you dare not even think of, and are what you have longed for in your dreams. Do you treasure these things? If status is merely hollow, with no real significance, and defending it serves no real purpose, is it not foolish to treasure it? If you can let go of things such as interests and enjoyments of the flesh, then fame, gain, and status will no longer tie you down” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Eight: They Would Have Others Submit Only to Them, Not the Truth or God (Part Two)). God exposes that antichrists especially treasure reputation and status. No matter what they say or do, it’s all to gain the admiration and support of others, and to enjoy the sense of superiority that comes with reputation and status. Reflecting on myself, I saw that I was walking the path of an antichrist. I had been living by satanic poisons like “A man leaves his name behind wherever he stays, just as a goose utters its cry wherever it flies” and “Man struggles upward; water flows downward” I regarded reputation and status as incredibly important, and always wanted to be admired by others in a crowd, believing that this was the only way to live a life of value. In the past few years, I had filmed many experiential testimony videos. Some brothers and sisters who met me for the first time would say things like, “I often see you in videos,” or “I watched the videos you filmed when I first started believing in God.” Every time I heard such words, I felt incredibly happy and truly enjoyed being noticed and admired by others. I felt particularly disappointed and distressed when I saw the brothers and sisters around me all singing and dancing, looking so impressive and enjoying the spotlight, while in contrast, I couldn’t sing or dance and could only film experiential testimony videos, which didn’t attract as much attention. In particular, when I heard another sister warmly greeting a dancer while I stood by unnoticed, this left an even worse taste in my mouth. I felt like I had no presence. I started wishing I had a wide range of gifts and talents, so that I too could appear in various videos and receive admiration and preferential treatment from those around me, just like the other brothers and sisters. Later, the church did give me the opportunity to record singing and dancing demos, but the facts proved that I wasn’t good at them. This made me feel even more hopeless about ever standing out, and I became disappointed and distressed over it. My attitude toward filming experiential testimony videos became dismissive, and I even complained that I was born in the countryside in a poor family, and had never learned to sing, dance, or play any musical instruments. In reality, these complaints and my dissatisfaction with my current situation were essentially complaints and dissatisfaction toward God. Being able to film experiential testimony videos was already a great grace from God, but I wasn’t content. I was always comparing myself to others, relentlessly pursuing reputation and status, and blaming God when I couldn’t get it. I was truly so rebellious! Realizing this, I gained some understanding of the fallacious perspectives behind my pursuit, and I also understood that God gives people gifts and talents to help them do their duties better. But I always wanted to use my talents and gifts to pursue the admiration and support of others, and to pursue having status in their hearts. This was resisting God, something God loathes and hates, and if I continued down this path, I would be cursed and punished by God. I felt a little scared and was willing to turn my incorrect state around.

Later, I read God’s words and came to understand His intentions. Almighty God says: “If God made you foolish, then there is meaning in your foolishness; if He made you bright, then there is meaning in your brightness. Whatever talents God gives you, whatever your strengths, however high your IQ, they all have a purpose for God. All these things were preordained by God. The role you play in your life and the duty you do were preordained by God long ago” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. The Principles That Should Guide One’s Self-Conduct). “If God gives you average caliber, you cannot do very major work, so you cannot become arrogant. This is a protection for you. With the average caliber given to you, you have no capital with which to boast, nor can you make any earthshaking contributions. You always need to think, ‘My caliber is average; I am not good in this area, nor in that area. I must be prudent and seek the truth principles in doing my duty.’ When you feel that you are lacking in all aspects, you become much more well-behaved and much more rule-abiding, much more low-key. For example, regardless of what work you do, whether you are a supervisor or an ordinary member, if during a certain period your work goes relatively smoothly, bears some results, and the achievements are relatively outstanding, and you receive affirmation from the Above, what would your mindset be? (We would become smug, feel that we are good, and no longer easily seek the truth.) It would then become difficult for you to follow the rules and remain grounded in conducting yourself. This is a very dangerous temptation for you; this is not a good sign” (The Word, Vol. 7. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (7)). From God’s words, I understood that what gifts and talents each person has and what duty they can do are all preordained by God. I should have some reason, stand in the position of a created being, and know my place as I do my own duty well. Only this accords with God’s intention. Moreover, God says: “This is a protection for you.” Pondering these words, I felt quite touched. Everyone’s vital weaknesses and corrupt dispositions are different. Some people, who do their duty just like me, have many gifts and talents and can still walk the right path, pursue the truth, and do their duty well in a down-to-earth manner. However, my desire for reputation and status was very strong, and for years I had always pursued standing out and being admired. If I really had many gifts and talents, I’m afraid I would have gone astray and been revealed and eliminated by God long ago. I thought about how two years ago, I became arrogant and didn’t know my place in the universe because I had been training myself for a long time in filming experiential testimony videos. I put on airs in my duty and wouldn’t accept the guidance and help of the brothers and sisters. In the end, I was sternly exposed, pruned, and warned that if I didn’t repent, I would be dismissed. Only then did I quickly turn back and reflect on myself. That failure is still vivid in my mind to this day, and it was caused by my overemphasis on gifts and talents and constant sense of superiority. Thinking about this helped me understand that if I had too many talents, it would only fuel my arrogant disposition, and I would pursue reputation and status even more intensely. Only by not having those gifts and talents can I do my duty in one area in a rule-abiding manner and avoid walking the path to destruction. This is a form of protection for me. Realizing this filled my heart with a sense of gratitude. However much God bestows on me, His painstaking thoughts and good intentions are in it.

Afterward, I read God’s words and my heart brightened. God says: “God has given every person different strengths and gifts. Some people have strengths in two or three areas, some have a strength in one area, and some have no strengths at all—if you can approach these matters correctly, then you have reason. A person with reason will be able to find their place, conduct themselves according to their station, and do their duties well. A person who can never find their place is a person who always has ambition. They always pursue status and benefits in their heart. They are never satisfied with what they have. To get more benefits, they greedily overreach; they always want to satisfy their extravagant desires. They think that if people have gifts and good caliber, they should enjoy more of God’s grace, and that having some extravagant desires is not a mistake. Does this kind of person have reason? Is it not shameless to always have extravagant desires? People who have a conscience and reason can feel that it is shameless. People who understand the truth will not do these foolish things. If you hope to fulfill your duty devotedly so as to repay God’s love, this is not an extravagant desire. This is in line with the conscience and reason of normal humanity. This makes God happy. If you truly wish to do your duty well, you must first stand in your proper place, and then do what you can with all your heart, with all your mind, with all your strength, and do your very best—this is up to standard, and there’s devotion in doing a duty in this way. This is what a true created being should do. … In the church, some people can play the guitar, some can play the erhu, and some can play the drums. If you have an interest in any of these areas, you can learn. Regardless of which specific skill or technology it is, as long as you enjoy learning and are adroit, you can learn. Once you have learned a new skill, you can use it to perform an additional duty, not only pleasing people but also pleasing God. It is a most blessed thing to acquire more skills and contribute more to the work of God’s house. There is nothing wrong with learning new things while one is young and has a good memory. There is only benefit in this and no harm. It is advantageous to the performance of duties and the work of God’s house. Focusing on learning various new things while doing one’s duty means one is diligent and responsible; they are much better than those people who are not committed to their work. However, if you have been learning something for a while and still have no understanding, it indicates that you do not possess the caliber in that area. It’s just like how some people can dance well but sing off-key and have no sense of pitch—this is innate and cannot be changed. Such a situation ought to be approached correctly. If you can dance, then dance well. If you have a heart of praise for God, even if you sing off-key, God does not mind. As long as you have enjoyment in your heart, that is enough. Regardless of where your personal strengths lie, it is good if you can bring them into play. Fulfilling the duty you ought to do conscientiously is what it means to conduct yourself according to your station” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. The Principles That Should Guide One’s Self-Conduct). After reading God’s words, I understood that no matter how many gifts or talents a person has, or how good or poor their caliber is, the only difference is in their duties and functions they fulfill; within duties, there is no distinction of high or low, noble or menial. Furthermore, God has different requirements for people based on the different gifts and talents He gives them. As long as we can give our all and devotedly fulfill our duties, God will be satisfied. If I’m always unable to find my proper place, always coveting what others have, and constantly living in my corrupt disposition while pursuing reputation and status, sooner or later I will be revealed and eliminated by God. I thought about the brothers and sisters who write experiential testimony articles. Some of them do hosting duties, some do general affairs duty, and some are elderly. They don’t have any gifts or talents, but they are sincere and practical in their attitude toward their duties. They take the utmost care to do their duties well, focus on pursuing the truth, and have written life experiential testimony articles. God likes people like this. I don’t have that many talents and can only film experiential testimony videos. This was preordained by God, and it’s something I can do. If I put my heart into it, I can do it even better, but if I’m not down-to-earth, I might not even be able to do this duty well. So I prayed to God, willing to turn around my mistaken pursuits and cherish my current duty. I thought about how every experiential testimony article is a testimony of a brother or sister’s experience of God’s work. By putting my heart into presenting these experiential testimonies well, I am on the one hand bearing witness to God, and on the other hand, allowing many people to benefit from and be edified by these testimonies. This is a very important and meaningful duty! When I filmed experiential testimony videos after that, I adjusted my mindset, focused on trying to understand the author’s psychology to get into character, and was meticulous in every detail. Although the finished videos still have shortcomings and deficiencies, I felt at ease and enjoyed the process in my heart. I also realized that no matter what duty I do, as long as I use what I have and do my very best, I am standing in my proper place. At the same time, I should focus on pursuing the truth to resolve my corrupt dispositions in the process of doing my duty, not rely on my own gifts and talents in my duty, but rely on God to obtain the Holy Spirit’s guidance, and improve my professional skills within the scope of my own caliber and put my heart into doing my duty well. This is in line with God’s intentions.

Later, a sister who had also filmed experiential testimony videos went to sing foreign language hymns. I felt a little disappointed again, but I realized my thinking was wrong. I prayed to God in my heart to protect me from being disturbed and asked Him to lead me to let go of the fallacious perspectives behind my pursuit. I thought about how it was God’s preordination that my sister had this talent, and I shouldn’t compete or feel disappointed. In God’s house, everyone performs their own function in their duties. Thinking this way, I was able to let go somewhat. I thought of God’s words: “Approach your caliber correctly. Do not complain. However much God has given you, that is what He will ask of you. What God has not given you, God does not demand of you. For example, if God has given you average caliber or poor caliber, He does not require you to be a leader, team head, or supervisor. However, if God has given you eloquence, the ability to express yourself, or a certain gift, and requires you to do work related to this gift, then you should do it well. Do not fail to live up to the conditions God has given you. You must live up to God’s bestowal, giving it full play and applying it well, applying it to positive things and producing valuable work results that benefit humankind. That would be excellent” (The Word, Vol. 7. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (7)). God’s words warmed my heart. Although I can’t sing or dance, God has given me gifts in the area of acting. For so many years, God’s house has let me film experiential testimony videos and participate in movie productions. God has already shown me great grace. I should be content and not do things that God loathes anymore. I prayed to God, “Oh God, I am willing to put effort into pursuing the truth, to do my duty well, walk the path of belief in God according to Your requirements, and view people and things according to Your words. Please lead me and guide me.” After this prayer, my heart became much calmer. When I saw other brothers and sisters go off to sing or dance, I was no longer affected or disturbed. I thank God for His guidance, which has given me some understanding of the fallacious perspectives behind my pursuit and the path I was walking. In the future, I am willing to submit to God’s sovereignty and arrangements, and to do my duty well with all my heart.