By Theodore, Italy

I’ve always done video editing duties in the church. In May 2022, after a film was shot, it entered into an intense post-production phase, and the editing needed to be finished urgently for submission to the leader for review. After spending much time editing each scene, I accidentally hit the delete key, and the footage from the first five edited scenes was instantly deleted. I instinctively tried to undo the last action, but not only did the software fail to restore it—it froze completely. Seeing the empty timeline, my mind went completely blank. After I came to my senses, I hurriedly tried everything I could to recover the project, and while searching, I kept thinking, “It’s all over; what should I do now? I haven’t backed it up in the past few days—the project must be lost. I’ve rarely made mistakes in my duty before, and the supervisor trusts me. How could something have gone wrong right at the critical moment before it was submitted to the leader for review? If everyone finds out I’ve made such a rookie mistake after being an editor for so long, what will they think of me? Even a newbie knows to back up daily to avoid accidental data loss, but I thought that since I’d never lost a project after years of doing it this way, daily backups weren’t necessary. Why did I put so much trust in myself?” Before, when other brothers and sisters made mistakes due to errors in operation, I’d say with self-satisfaction, “This kind of problem can be avoided with a little more caution.” This thought made my face burn. I’d dropped the ball at the crucial moment and done something so irresponsible. Everyone would be sure to look down on me if they found out. Wouldn’t my good reputation and image be completely ruined? No, unless absolutely necessary, I couldn’t let my brothers and sisters know about this. I looked at a backup from a few days earlier, and found that only two recently shot scenes needed replacement. I could pull an all-nighter and almost fix it, and then once I had it all fixed, the brothers and sisters would never know I’d lost the project, and I could maintain my good image. With that thought, I rushed to restore the project, but during the process, I noticed that the film’s color grading and audio all needed to be redone. Looking at the workload in front of me, I knew it couldn’t be restored in a day and a night. I felt really discouraged. It was clear to me that I couldn’t finish this project on my own, and that I could only seek help from others. I thought to myself, “If I ask someone now, won’t they find out I’ve lost the project? Everyone will look down on me if they know. But if I don’t say anything, the work will be delayed even further. Besides, the truth always comes to light.” I realized this wasn’t something that had happened by chance, and that there was a lesson I needed to learn. So I prayed to God, “God, I didn’t back up the project, and I’ve been afraid to face this rookie mistake. I’ve been terrified of others finding out and so I kept wanting to cover it up. I am not an honest person. God, please guide me, and enable me to be simple and open up to the brothers and sisters about this problem and seek help.” After praying, I thought of a passage of God’s words: “My kingdom requires those who are honest, those who are not hypocritical or deceitful” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Utterances of Christ in the Beginning, Chapter 33). God likes honest people. I clearly made a mistake, and I should have been simple and opened up, admitted my mistake, and sought help. But I kept thinking about how to cover it up so that no one would find out. My heart was so dark and deceitful! Really, once a mistake has been made, I should first admit to it, and no matter how the brothers and sisters see me or even if I get criticized or pruned, it’s what I deserve. In facing their mistakes, honest people can dare to admit them and have the courage to take responsibility. Why couldn’t I practice this way? Only after thinking this did I start to seek help from everyone. I messaged the brothers who might know how to resolve it one by one. I saw that I’d asked nearly everyone, and that there was still no way to recover it. Just then, the brother responsible for the audio recording walked in and asked, “Did you find it?” I replied in dismay, “No.” Then he said, “I just backed up the editing project yesterday.” When I heard that, I nearly cried. It turned out that after I finished working the night before, the brother who did the audio recording had come into the studio the next morning and made a backup. It was exactly what I had lost. I looked at the backup project in front of me. The editing, color grading, and audio were all intact. I couldn’t help but offer thanks and praise to God in my heart. The issue with the lost project came to an end. Following this relief, I began to reflect on myself, “Why do I always try to conceal things when I make a mistake in my duty and not want others to know?”

During my reflection, I read a passage of God’s words: “Corrupt human beings are good at disguising themselves. No matter what they do or what corruption they reveal, they always have to disguise themselves. If something goes wrong or they do something wrong, they want to put the blame on others. They want credit for good things to go to themselves, and blame for bad things to go to others. Is there not a lot of disguising like this in real life? There is too much. Making mistakes or disguising oneself: which of these relates to disposition? Disguising is a matter of disposition, it involves an arrogant disposition, wickedness, and deceitfulness; it is especially loathed by God. In fact, when you disguise yourself, everyone understands what is happening, but you think others do not see it, and you try your best to argue and justify yourself in an effort to save face and make everyone think you did nothing wrong. Is this not stupid? What do others think about this? How do they feel? Sick and loathing. If, having made a mistake, you can treat it correctly, and can allow everyone else to talk about it, permitting their commentary and discernment about it, and you can open up about it and dissect it, what will everyone’s opinion of you be? They will say you are an honest person, for your heart is open to God. Through your actions and behavior, they will be able to see your heart. But if you try to disguise yourself and deceive everyone, people will think little of you, and say you are a fool and an unwise person. If you do not try to put on a pretense or justify yourself, if you can admit your mistakes, everyone will say you are honest and wise. And what makes you wise? Everyone makes mistakes. Everyone has faults and flaws. And actually, everyone has the same corrupt disposition. Do not think yourself more noble, perfect, and kind than others; that is being utterly unreasonable. Once people’s corrupt dispositions and the essence and true face of their corruption are clear to you, you will not try to cover up your own mistakes, nor will you hold other people’s mistakes against them—you will be able to face both correctly. Only then will you become insightful and not do foolish things, which will make you wise. Those who are not wise are foolish people, and they always dwell on their minor mistakes while sneaking around behind the scenes. It is disgusting to witness. In fact, what you are doing is immediately obvious to other people, yet you are still blatantly putting on a show. To others, it has the appearance of a clownish performance. Is this not foolish? It really is. Foolish people do not have any wisdom. No matter how many sermons they hear, they still do not understand the truth or see anything for what it really is. They never get off their high horse, thinking they are different from everyone else and more respectable; this is arrogance and self-righteousness, this is foolishness. Fools do not have spiritual understanding, do they? The matters in which you are foolish and unwise are the matters in which you have no spiritual understanding, and cannot easily understand the truth. This is the reality of the matter” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. The Principles That Should Guide One’s Conduct). Through God’s words, I came to understand that it’s inevitable that some errors or deviations happen in our duties, but what God requires is that people correctly face their mistakes, and not try to conceal and disguise them. Concealment and disguising is a satanic disposition of wickedness and deceitfulness—something God detests and hates. Through the exposure of God’s words, I realized that when I made mistakes in my duty, my first thought was to cover them up—this was driven by a wicked and deceitful satanic nature. Thinking that I’d been doing video editing duties for a while, had some experience, and everyone thought fairly well of me, I felt like I couldn’t make mistakes, especially not at crucial moments. I felt I should be more reliable and trustworthy than others. So when mistakes came about, I worried that I’d lose pride and status, and I’d try my best to conceal them and not let anyone know. Especially when it was a rookie mistake like this, I was even more afraid that if others found out, they’d look down on me, and that my status in their eyes would plummet. The more I thought like this, the more I became unable to face my mistake properly. I wanted to disguise myself as someone flawless, and I didn’t dare admit my mistake or seek help. I even wanted to quietly fix it without anyone knowing, allowing me to save face. The truth was that the mistake had already happened, and it would’ve been fine if I’d been simple and opened up, owned up to it, and learned from it. Yet I did all I could to cover it up and resort to deceit. God scrutinizes everything—though I may be able to fool people, could I really fool God? Was I not burying my head in the sand? I’d been truly foolish! Everyone makes mistakes—it’s nothing to be ashamed of, and furthermore, this was actually a wake-up call for me, allowing me to be more careful when I did my duty again. But when I made mistakes, I’d rack my brain to think of ways to hide them. In God’s eyes, this deceitful concealment was far more serious than these mistakes themselves. The more I covered up my mistakes, the more it proved how wicked and deceitful my disposition was. The more I thought about it, the more I felt that I was hypocritical and really disgusting and loathsome to God. I also thought about how if I’d been able to recover the project myself this time, I absolutely wouldn’t have told anyone or sought help from others, and it was only because I had no way to fix it that I told the truth to the brothers and sisters. So for the ordinary mistakes I could usually cover up, wouldn’t I be covering them up even more? I couldn’t help but recall images from my doing my duty before. Sometimes when I edited short videos, I would prioritize speed and output just to gain admiration, and as a result, issues of small details often led to reworks and revisions being needed. When others asked me why these problems occurred, I was afraid others would say I was careless and inattentive. So I’d make up objective reasons, saying it was because of the filming phase, or I’d say my software had glitched, all just so I could excuse myself. These things were revealed in me all the time. Thinking this, I realized just how much I disguised myself and deceived others. I couldn’t keep living by this deceitful disposition, and I had to begin practicing and entering into the standard of an honest person. What happened next made me reflect even more deeply and gain some knowledge of myself.

Not long after, the film was handed off to the leader for review. But then a brother noticed that in one scene, the audio was off by thirteen frames, and he wasn’t sure whether it needed to be re-rendered. My heart started to churn, “Why didn’t I catch that? Looking closely, it was actually quite obvious. The video and audio are out of sync by half a second. I even asked a sister to check that part. How come she didn’t catch it either? Re-rendering would take several hours—it’d really hold things up! Maybe I just shouldn’t tell anyone. It’s not a major issue anyway—most people wouldn’t even notice. Plus, if everyone finds out the video has such a problem, what will they think of me? Will they say I’m unreliable or irresponsible? I’ve been making these rookie mistakes again and again lately; if I keep this up, who’s going to trust me?” I didn’t feel at peace, and I felt a sense of accusation within. But after thinking it through over and over, I still decided not to say anything. After I made that decision, I felt like I was sitting on pins and needles at my computer, my heart was really agitated, and I felt really dark inside. I realized that I was covering up a mistake again, so I prayed to God in my heart, “God, only now do I really feel how hard it is to tell the truth and be an honest person. Whenever my pride or vanity is on the line, I can’t help but protect myself, wanting to lie and deceive. I don’t want to live this way. Please give me the courage and boldness to practice being honest according to Your words.” After praying, I gained some strength in my heart, and I opened up to my brothers and sisters about the issue. Later, there were still other issues in the video, so I fixed them all at once, checked everything, and then sent it back to the leader.

That experience made me start reflecting, “Why do I always want to cover up mistakes? What is the root of this issue?” I read two passages of God’s words: “If God asked you now to be an honest person and speak the truth, something that involves the facts, and your future and your fate, the consequences of which might not be to your advantage, with others no longer thinking highly of you, and feeling yourself that your reputation was destroyed—in such circumstances, could you be frank, and speak the truth? Could you still be honest? This is the hardest thing to do, much harder than giving up your life. You might say, ‘Having me tell the truth won’t do. I’d rather die for God than tell the truth. I don’t want to be an honest person at all. I’d rather die than have everyone look down on me and think I am an ordinary person.’ What does this show people cherish most? What people cherish most is their status and reputation—things that are controlled by their satanic dispositions. Life is secondary. If the situation forced them to, they would summon the strength to give their life, but status and reputation are not easy to give up. For people who believe in God, giving their life is not of the utmost importance; God requires people to accept the truth, and truly be honest people who say whatever is in their hearts, opening up and laying themselves bare to everyone. Is this easy to do? (No, it isn’t.) God does not, in fact, ask you to give up your life. Was your life not given to you by God? What use would your life be to God? God does not want it. He wants you to speak honestly, to say who you are and what you think in your heart. Can you say these things? Here, the task becomes difficult, and you may say, ‘Have me work hard, and I’d have the strength to do it. Have me sacrifice all of my property, and I could do it. I could easily abandon my parents and children, my marriage and career. But saying what is in my heart, speaking honestly—that’s the one thing I cannot do.’ What is the reason you cannot do it? It is that once you do, anyone who knows you or is familiar with you will see you differently. They will no longer look up to you. You will have lost face and been utterly humiliated, and your integrity and dignity will be no more. Your lofty status and prestige in the hearts of others will be no more. This is why in such circumstances, no matter what, you will not speak the truth. When people encounter this, there is a battle in their hearts. When that battle is over, some ultimately break through their difficulties, while others have not broken through the bondage and constraints of their satanic dispositions to this day, and remain controlled by their own status, pride, vanity, and so-called dignity. This is a difficulty, is it not?” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. The Proper Fulfillment of Duty Requires Harmonious Cooperation). “You desire to become an honest person, but you cannot let go of your pride, vanity, and personal interests. Therefore, you can only resort to telling lies to uphold these things. If you are someone who loves the truth, you will endure various hardships in order to practice the truth. Even if it means sacrificing your reputation, status, and enduring ridicule and humiliation from others, you won’t mind—as long as you are able to practice the truth and satisfy God, it is enough. Those who love the truth choose to practice it and be honest. This is the correct path and it is blessed by God. If a person does not love the truth, what do they choose? They choose to use lies to uphold their reputation, status, dignity, and character. They would rather be deceitful, and be detested and rejected by God. Such people reject the truth and reject God. They choose their own reputation and status; they want to be deceitful. They do not care about whether God is pleased or if He will save them. Can such people still be saved by God? Certainly not, because they have chosen the wrong path. They can only live by lying and cheating; they can only live painful lives of telling lies and covering them up and racking their brains to defend themselves every day. If you think that lies can uphold the reputation, status, vanity, and pride you desire, you are completely mistaken. In reality, by telling lies, not only do you fail to maintain your vanity and pride, and your dignity and character, more grievously, you miss the opportunity to practice the truth and be an honest person. Even if you manage to protect your reputation, status, vanity, and pride at that moment, you have sacrificed the truth and betrayed God. This means you have completely lost your chance for Him to save and perfect you, which is the greatest loss and a lifelong regret. Those who are deceitful will never understand this” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Only an Honest Person Can Live Out True Human Likeness). Every one of God’s words pierced my heart. I’d regarded my status in people’s hearts as more important than anything else, and to protect these things, I couldn’t even utter a single honest word. I preferred to be deceitful and to cover up my mistakes rather than be an honest person who is simple and opens up and practices the truth. This showed that I had no love for the truth at all. Honest people can face their deficiencies and problems directly, and to practice the truth, they are willing to endure all kinds of humiliation and pain. But all I had to do was to be simple and open up about my mistakes and problems, and even without facing any humiliation or ridicule, I still couldn’t do it. When problems came up, I always made excuses to justify and defend myself, attempting to conceal my issues. I’d either blame things like the pre-production process, or else the equipment or software. This time when there was an issue with the film, I even wanted to shift the blame, and I complained inwardly about the sister for not catching the mistake. I was truly lacking in reason and deceitful! I realized that to protect my pride and status, I could come up with any excuse. I realized I’d been corrupted and influenced by satanic poisons like “People need their pride just as a tree needs its bark,” and “Face is priceless.” I always believed that only if others looked up to and approved of me did my life have any value, and that without others’ admiration, life was without meaning. All along, I constantly thought about my pride and status in my duty, and as soon as a mistake appeared, I was terrified of others finding out. My cautious and guarded behavior showed that I valued status and reputation above all else. Outwardly, I had forsaken my family and career to do my duty, and I worked overtime and paid a price, but when it came time to admit my faults, to speak truthfully and open up and lay bare my corruption and shortcomings, I just couldn’t do it. Between preserving my pride and status or being an honest person, I chose the former, time and again. I saw how tightly pride and status had come to bind and control me. Outwardly I might have covered up my mistakes, but I had deceived my brothers and sisters and lived without integrity or dignity, and I still lived under Satan’s power. I had clearly been corrupted by Satan, filled with satanic dispositions and all kinds of satanic poisons, and yet I still tried to present myself as an unerring, flawless saint. I was so fake and hypocritical! Even if I could conceal my faults, what would that really achieve? Again and again, I resorted to trickery and deceit just to save face, forfeiting the chance to practice the truth and be an honest person. In God’s eyes, such behavior is deception and hypocrisy, and if I went on without casting off this corrupt disposition of deceitfulness and disguising myself, I would surely be spurned and eliminated by God, and this would be a tremendous loss! Thinking of this, I no longer wanted to live for the sake of pride, and I became willing to seek the truth to resolve my disguising myself and deception.

Later, I read more of God’s words: “You must seek the truth to resolve any problem that arises, no matter what it is, and by no means disguise yourself or put on a false face for others. Your shortcomings, your deficiencies, your faults, your corrupt dispositions—be completely open about them all, and fellowship about them all. Do not keep them inside. Learning how to open yourself up is the first step toward life entry, and it is the first hurdle, which is the most difficult to overcome. Once you have overcome it, entering the truth is easy. What does taking this step signify? It means that you are opening your heart and showing everything you have, good or bad, positive or negative; baring yourself for others and for God to see; hiding nothing from God, concealing nothing, disguising nothing, free of deceit and trickery, and being likewise open and honest with other people. In this way, you live in the light, and not only will God scrutinize you, but other people will also be able to see that you act with principle and a degree of transparency. You do not need to use any methods to protect your reputation, image, and status, nor do you need to cover up or disguise your mistakes. You do not need to engage in these useless efforts. If you can let these things go, you will be very relaxed, you will live without constraints or pain, and you will live entirely in the light” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Part Three). From God’s words I understood that the first step to becoming an honest person is to be simple and open up. One must dare to open up about their shortcomings and corruption. Particularly when you’ve made a mistake and don’t want others to know, that’s when you need to lay yourself bare, and no matter how foolish or amateurish the mistake seems, you must be able to be honest about it. What God values is a heart that loves the truth and an attitude of striving to be honest, even at the cost of losing face. I saw that I was still far from being an honest person, but I was willing to train and practice in this area. Moving forward, if I made any mistakes or errors in my duty, I would consciously open up to others about it, and when I did this, I wasn’t looked down on by my brothers and sisters. Instead, I received their sincere help. Gradually, I no longer felt guilty, afraid, or tried to cover up when I made mistakes as before. Looking back at when I didn’t dare open up after making mistakes, I was like a rat hiding in a dark corner, afraid to come into the light. Now, after opening up to my brothers and sisters, I felt liberated, as if a weight had been lifted. Later, I reflected on the problems like the lost project files and the audio-video sync issues. This mainly happened because I was careless in my duty, and relied on experience, and because I had too much confidence in myself. To avoid these problems going forward, I’d regularly back up projects and no longer trust myself so much, and instead, I’d treat my duty carefully.

One time, due to improper handling, I deleted several video projects that had already been uploaded. The brothers and sisters said this was a serious matter and needed to be reported to the leader. But I was really worried the leader would think poorly of me when it was found out, so I wanted to minimize the issue. I spent some time restoring the projects, thinking that fixing the problem would be enough, so I didn’t immediately tell the leader. But afterward, I felt quite guilty. During a gathering, I wanted to open up to the leader about the mistake I had made, but I was still too concerned about my pride to speak up. Just then, we happened to read one passage of God’s words that moved me deeply. Almighty God says: “Corrupt mankind has another flaw: They like to describe themselves as particularly noble and great, as especially insightful and affluent, and as particularly possessed of a certain status and background. They never mention the sordid or stupid things they have done in secret, the mistakes they’ve made, or the flaws and defects they have—they don’t say a single word or let the slightest detail slip, fearing that others will find out the truth about them, that others will see them for what they really are. Is this not putting up a facade? Is this not lying and deception? (Yes.)” (The Word, Vol. 7. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (25)). As I pondered God’s words, I realized that I was once again trying to cover up my mistake to protect my pride and status. Although I restored all the projects, and it seemed like no damage had been done to the church’s work, I was still showing a tendency to cover up my mistakes in this matter, and I didn’t want others to see my shortcomings. This was a corrupt disposition, and this matter was a problem that had arisen in the course of my duty, so I needed to report all the details to the leader clearly and honestly. So I silently prayed in my heart, “God, I don’t want to live by my deceitful corrupt disposition. Please scrutinize my heart. I’m willing to be simple, open up, and be an honest person.” After praying, I fellowshipped about the corruption I revealed in this and the understanding I had of myself. After I finished talking, I felt like a burden had been lifted. Even though I was a bit embarrassed at the time, my heart felt much more at ease when I opened up and fellowshipped. Thank God!