234 Without Pursuing the Truth, Failure Is Certain
1 Though I attended meetings and read God’s words, I paid no attention to practicing the truth. When I could perform some duties, I thought I possessed the reality of the truth. I prayed to God but had no real communion with God. By achieving some results in my duties, I thought I had accrued some merit. So pleased with myself, I thought God would certainly give me a reward. Through experiencing the judgment and chastisement of God’s words, I woke all at once. I believed in God for many years without knowing Him, and I still made deals with God. Finally, I saw that without pursuing the truth, there was no way for my corruption to be cleansed away.
2 God expresses the truth totally for the sake of cleansing and saving man, but I didn’t understand His good intention at all. I used the opportunity to do my duty to pursue status and reputation. In work or sermons, I often boasted emptily and showed off myself. And I regarded my ability to preach spiritual theory as having the reality of the truth. I just relied on my fervor to do work but didn’t practice the truth, doing things my own way. I was hypocritical like the Pharisees, but I thought I was spiritual. Without God’s judgment I don’t know what level I would have sunk to.
3 After God’s repeated judgment and trials I finally understand that working with fervor without pursuing the truth, it’s all toil in vain. Examining my own deeds and behavior, I realize I have no true obedience to God. With crookedness and deceit in speech and action, I am not an honest person. No matter how much good behavior I have, it isn’t the same as a dispositional change. God’s kingdom is holy—how could it allow corrupt people to enter in? Hypocrisy cannot cover the truth of resisting God. Without the reality of the truth, I do not deserve to live in God’s presence. I am resolved to stand witness in adversity and win God’s praise.