By Nan Xin, China

In August 2021, the church was carrying out the cleansing work, and the leader asked me to write an evaluation of my mom. I couldn’t help but worry a little. My mom had recently been isolated at home, and though I didn’t know about her performance of her duty, I knew that after being isolated she kept thinking about working to earn money and live a wealthy life, and that her perspectives behind her pursuit were like those of nonbelievers, showing some disbeliever behavior. Thinking that my mom was under investigation and could be cleansed from the church, I felt very conflicted. “My mom has believed in God for thirty years, constantly enduring the ridicule and slander of relatives, and my dad often persecuted her, beating and berating her, but she never left God. She even raised me in faith, supporting me as I did my duty full-time. She’s also been doing her duty in the church all along, praying and reading God’s words every day. Maybe her state hasn’t been good lately, and she’s become negative and depraved, but she should count as someone who sincerely believes in God, so she probably doesn’t deserve to be cleared out, right?” When I got home, I just wanted to point out the problems in her so she could reflect, gain understanding, and quickly repent and change. I asked my mom why she had been isolated. She said that in October of the previous year, she started doing the duty of hosting, but when she moved into a new home, there were no household items, so she wrote three letters asking the general affairs team to bring them over, but they didn’t deliver them. So, my mom went back home and stayed there for over ten days. Later the leader harshly pruned her, saying she had abandoned her duty and was being irresponsible. On another occasion, my mom was helping some brothers and sisters move and she borrowed the scooter of a sister who had been arrested. The next day the leader pruned my mom, saying this could bring about risks, and she told my mom to go into hiding right away. My mom resisted a lot at the time and went straight home. After that, the leader never assigned her any duty. My mom also said that in 2020, she left home to do her duty full-time, but only two days later, the leader told her to go back, saying that if my dad reported her to the police, it could put the brothers and sisters at risk. After she went back home, the leader didn’t promptly assign her any duty again. I got really angry when I heard that, thinking, “My mom took the initiative to come out and do her duty—why did the leader stop her? That’s stripping her of the right to do her duty and crushing her motivation. If the leaders and workers don’t grasp principles and clear out my mom carelessly, won’t they be wronging a good person? That’s so unfair! No, I must get to the bottom of this—I can’t let my mom suffer unjust accusations.”

A few days later, I happened to run into the church leader, so I asked her, “It wasn’t easy for my mom to come out and do her duty—why did you send her back? She ended up in a negative state for a long time because of this.” The leader said it was mainly because my dad had a vicious humanity, and that if my mom hadn’t been at home, he might have called the police, potentially implicating other brothers and sisters. She also said that my mom always acted according to her mood and was very willful. When she felt positive, she was willing to do anything, but when she was negative, she just wouldn’t listen no matter who fellowshipped with her or tried to help, and she was prone to abandoning her duty. She treated her duty however she pleased and acted willfully, and most brothers and sisters didn’t dare to trust her. Given that her leaving home to do her duty did more harm than good, she was arranged to return home. The leader also said, “When she was doing hosting duties and moved into a new home, she saw the house lacked some household items, but she didn’t want to spend her own money, so she wrote to the general affairs team demanding that these items be delivered within a day. But there wasn’t enough time, and by the time the general affairs team received the letter, the deadline she’d set had already passed. She then complained about the brothers and sisters, and even abandoned her duty, going home for half a month. Later, she was pruned for being irresponsible in her duty, and though she admitted her fault verbally, afterward, she was still the same. On another occasion, even though she had her own electric scooter, she insisted on riding one that belonged to a sister who’d been arrested, creating a risky situation. When the brothers and sisters pruned her afterward, she got hotheaded and said, ‘When I do things well, you don’t appreciate it, but the moment I slip up, you prune me. I can’t take it anymore! I’m not doing this duty anymore. I’m going home! Even if I go to hell, I’m done!’ The supervisor and I both fellowshipped with her, but she didn’t accept it at all and just took her bags and left.” I was shocked to hear all this from the leader. Things weren’t as my mom had said. I’d not expected her to be so willful and to have brought so many disruptions and disturbances upon the church’s work. No wonder the leader wanted to understand her consistent behavior. My mom’s disbeliever behavior was so obvious, and I feared she’d likely be cleared out this time. If she really was cleared out, her journey of faith would come to an end, and in the end, she’d be punished in the catastrophes. How pitiful! Thinking of this made me feel awful. Had my mom really reached the point of being cleared out? I felt that maybe if I fellowshipped with her again, and she showed signs of repentance, she might still be able to labor in the church. So I asked the leader, “Given my mom’s behavior, did you explain clearly the nature and consequences of these issues in fellowship with her? Did you dissect and expose her with God’s words? If she has poor comprehension, low caliber, or a severely corrupt disposition, then she’s in even greater need of fellowship and pruning.” After hearing this, the leader said, “We did fellowship with her, but she didn’t accept it. You can try fellowshipping with her and see if she shows any sign of repentance and change.”

Once I got home, I hurried to fellowship with my mom, going through all the things she did in the church, fellowshipping and dissecting each one. But she showed no sign of repenting or admitting guilt at all, and instead she kept fixating on others and on specific matters. She said, “Why am I the only one being told to reflect? Have the leaders done no wrong? Don’t just listen to what they say—they might not be right either. Sometimes the leaders’ arrangements also go against the principles. Otherwise, why would God express so many words now about discerning false leaders? It’s because there are so many false leaders around these days….” Seeing that my mom was still debating right and wrong, I became extremely anxious and frustrated. So I warned her, “If you don’t reflect and repent, you’ll be cleared out!” After hearing that, my mom verbally said she was willing to change and repent, but not long after, she said to me, “I think you’d better find a job—you shouldn’t take your faith so seriously. There are so many people who work and do their duties at the same time, and they still believe in God too, don’t they? And among all the people doing their duty full-time, one more or less won’t matter. You should leave yourself a way out and think about your future. I’m your mom—I’m saying all this for your own good. If you don’t listen to me, you’ll regret it!” Hearing her say these things made me angry and anxious. Over the next month or so, no matter how I fellowshipped with her, she just wouldn’t reflect or come to know herself. Instead, she kept arguing and justifying herself, twisting facts and picking on the faults of the leaders and workers. She tried to entice me into pursuing worldly things, and she repeatedly obstructed me from going to gatherings and doing my duty. I completely saw through her essence—she was a disbeliever.

I thought of God’s words: “If believers are just as casual and unrestrained in their speech and conduct as nonbelievers are, then they are even more wicked than nonbelievers; they are archetypal demons” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. A Warning to Those Who Do Not Practice the Truth). “Is it not vile that some people like to split hairs and go down blind alleys whenever something happens to them? This is a big problem. Clear-minded people will not make this mistake, but this is what absurd people are like. They always imagine that others are making things difficult for them, that others are deliberately giving them a hard time, so they always antagonize other people. Is this not a deviation? They do not put in effort when it comes to the truth, they prefer to quibble about unimportant things when something happens to them, demanding explanations, trying to save face, and they always use human solutions to approach these matters. This is the greatest obstacle to life entry. If you believe in God this way, or practice this way, you will never attain the truth because you never come before God. You never come before God to receive all that God has set out for you, nor do you use the truth to approach all this, instead you use human solutions to approach things. Therefore, in the eyes of God, you have strayed too far from Him. Not only has your heart strayed from Him, your entire being does not live in His presence. This is how God views those who always over-analyze things and split hairs. … I tell you that no matter what duty a believer in God performs—whether they handle external matters, or a duty that relates to the various work or fields of expertise of the house of God—if they do not frequently come before God, and live in His presence, and they do not dare to accept His scrutiny, and they do not seek the truth from God, then they are a disbeliever, and they are no different from a nonbeliever” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Only by Often Living Before God Can One Have a Normal Relationship With Him). God says that if, after finding God, a person’s speech and conduct are still the same as those of nonbelievers, and no matter what happens, they never accept things from God, they constantly fixate on people and issues, and they never accept the truth, then such a person is a disbeliever. I thought about how my mom had believed in God for many years, yet she never accepted things from God. She claimed to be willing to attend gatherings and do her duty, but it was never genuine. Whenever her fleshly interests were involved, she’d set aside her duty, and no matter how many rounds of fellowship the brothers and sisters gave her, she never accepted any of it. Even after being isolated, she still didn’t reflect on her issues, and instead, she twisted facts, cried out in grievance, and complained. She refused to admit to the fact that she had caused disruptions and disturbances; she fixated on people and matters, pestered people relentlessly, and seized upon the faults of the leaders and workers. When she saw she had no hope of receiving blessings, she began pursuing a life of wealth, and focusing on food, clothing, and pleasure. She even spread notions, vented negativity, and disturbed and obstructed me from attending gatherings and doing my duty. She tried to entice me into working for money like her, and into walking a worldly path. I saw that my mom had believed in God for years but didn’t accept the truth at all, and that her words, conduct, and perspectives were completely the same as nonbelievers’; she was completely a disbeliever. With the church carrying out the cleansing work, I should write down all her behavior and report it to the leaders. But if I did that, she would definitely be cleared out. I thought about how my family favored boys over girls when I was little. My grandmother, aunt, and uncle had all been cold toward me, and my dad had never cared for me either. All he ever did every day was smoke and drink, and when he was in a bad mood, he’d curse, hit people, and smash things. At home, it was just me and my mom depending on each other. My mom also brought me before God and supported me in doing my duty full-time. She paid so much of her heart’s blood for me. If she found out I’d reported her behavior, wouldn’t she be heartbroken? Wouldn’t she feel truly disappointed in me? I felt that doing this would mean I was truly lacking in conscience and that I’d really be letting her down. At this thought, I couldn’t hold back the tears any longer, and I felt deeply conflicted and pained. After thinking it over and over, I didn’t end up reporting my mom’s disbeliever behavior, and I set the matter aside.

A little over a month later, the leader once again asked me to write about my mom’s behavior. I still felt a bit upset, so I prayed to and sought God, “God, the church is putting together information about my mom as a disbeliever. They need me to report her behavior, but I still feel a bit reluctant, thinking that reporting her behavior would mean I had no conscience. I don’t know how to handle this—please help me resolve this state.” Later, I read God’s words: “When God begins work on someone, when He has chosen someone, He does not proclaim this news to anyone, nor does He proclaim it to Satan, much less make any grand gesture. He just very quietly, very naturally, does what is necessary. First, He selects a family for you; your family background, your parents, your ancestors—all this, God decides in advance. In other words, God does not make these decisions on a whim; rather, He began this work long ago. Once God has chosen a family for you, He then chooses the date on which you will be born. Then, God watches as you are born and come crying into the world. He watches your birth, watches as you utter your first words, watches as you stumble and toddle your first steps as you learn how to walk. First you take one step and then you take another—and now you can run, jump, talk, and express your feelings…. As people grow up, Satan’s gaze is fixed on every one of them, like a tiger eyeing its prey. But in doing His work, God has never been subject to any limitations arising from people, events or things, of space or time; He does what He should and what He must. In the process of growing up, you may encounter many things that are not to your liking, as well as illness and frustration. But as you walk this path, your life and your future are strictly under God’s care. God gives you a genuine guarantee to last all your life, for He is right there beside you, guarding you and looking after you” (The Word, Vol. 2. On Knowing God. God Himself, the Unique VI). After reading God’s words, I came to understand that the family we are born into, our upbringing, and our living conditions have all been preordained and arranged by God. The fact that I’m alive today, able to believe in God and do my duty in the church is entirely due to God’s guidance and protection. When my mother gave birth to me, it was a difficult labor and the situation was critical. The doctor asked my dad whether to save my mom or me. My father was so frightened that his hands were trembling and he didn’t know what to do. My mother then prayed to the Lord Jesus, and it was thanks to God’s protection that both my mom and I survived. Also, when I was a child, I was playing around and poked a stick with sand on it into my eye. I immediately went blind in my right eye. I panicked and thought I was going blind. I kept rubbing my eye, but I couldn’t get the sand out. In my anxiety, all I could do was cry out to the Lord Jesus in my heart. Then my eye kept tearing up, and the sand was washed out. In the end, my right eyeball just sank slightly compared to the left one, but my vision was still normal. I used to think I was just lucky, but after reading God’s words, I finally realized it was God who had been watching over and protecting me behind the scenes. It looked like my mom suffered a lot to raise me, and that she even brought me before God, but according to God’s words, when I was born, the kind of environment I grew up in, the people I’d meet, the things I’d experience, and when I’d come to the church to do a duty had all been under the sovereignty and arrangements of God. God had been leading me every step of the way. Thinking of this, I was deeply moved, and I thought, “God is truly great. His love is so real!” But I kept feeling that since my mom endured hardship and exhaustion to raise me, I owed her a debt of gratitude. So in order to keep her in the church, I knowingly covered up her many manifestations of being a disbeliever, shielded her, and didn’t safeguard the church’s work. This is what really showed a lack of conscience!

I also read that God’s words say: “Everyone’s outcome is determined according to the essence that comes from their conduct, and it is always determined appropriately. No one can bear the sins of another; even more so, no one can receive punishment in another’s stead. This is absolute. … In the end, doers of righteousness are doers of righteousness, and evildoers are evildoers. The doers of righteousness will eventually be allowed to survive, while the evildoers will be destroyed. The holy are holy; they are not filthy. The filthy are filthy, and not one part of them is holy. The people who will be destroyed are all the evil ones, and the ones who will survive are all the righteous—even if the children of the evil ones perform righteous deeds, and even if the parents of the righteous ones commit evil deeds. There is no relationship between a believing husband and a nonbelieving wife, and there is no relationship between believing children and nonbelieving parents; these two types of people are completely incompatible. Prior to entering into rest, people have fleshly, familial affection, but once they have entered into rest, there will no longer be any fleshly, familial affection to speak of” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. God and Man Will Enter Into Rest Together). “The waters will roar, the mountains will topple, the great rivers will disintegrate, man will be ever given to change, the sun will grow dim, the moon will darken, man will have no more days of living in peace, there will be no more times of tranquility upon the land, the heavens will never again remain calm and quiet, and will endure no longer. All things will be renewed and will recover their original appearance. All households upon earth will be torn apart, and all nations on earth will be rent asunder; gone will be the days of reunions between husband and wife, no more will mother and son meet again, never again will there be the coming together of father and daughter. All that used to be on earth will be smashed by Me. I do not give people the opportunity to express their feelings, for I am without fleshly feelings, and have grown to detest the feelings of people to an extreme degree. It is because of the feelings between people that I have been cast to one side, and thus I have become an ‘other’ in their eyes; it is because of the feelings between people that I have been forgotten; it is because of the feelings of man that he seizes the opportunity to pick up his ‘conscience’; it is because of the feelings of man that he is always averse to My chastisement; it is because of the feelings of man that he calls Me unfair and unjust, and says that I am heedless of man’s feelings in My handling of things. Do I also have kin upon earth? Who has ever, like Me, worked day and night, without thought for food or sleep, for the sake of My entire management plan? How could man be comparable to God? How could man be compatible with God? How could God, who creates, be of the same kind as man, who is created? How could I always live and act together with man on earth? Who is able to feel concern for My heart? Is it the prayers of man?” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. God’s Words to the Entire Universe, Chapter 28). After reading God’s words, I came to understand the trend of God’s work. It is to separate all those who resist God from those who truly believe in Him. Those who truly believe in God will receive His protection and grace, while those who resist Him will be cursed and punished. God determines each person’s outcome based on their conduct and deeds, as well as their nature essence, and there is no such thing as favoritism or pulling strings. In God’s house, the truth holds power, and there’s no partiality or favoritism. Now that God’s work is nearing its end, all kinds of people are being revealed one by one. This is the time to separate the tares from the wheat. It is the time of God’s winnowing. Although my mother and I are very closely related by blood, her ultimate outcome is not something I can decide. The Lord Jesus said: “Then shall two be in the field; the one shall be taken, and the other left. Two women shall be grinding at the mill; the one shall be taken, and the other left” (Matthew 24:40–41). What kind of suffering my mother goes through in this life, and what her final outcome and destination will be depends on her own choices, and is determined by the path she walks. No matter how much I fellowshipped with her or tried to keep her in the church, her nature essence was that of a disbeliever, and her staying in the church would only disturb church life, affect the states of the brothers and sisters, and sooner or later, she would be revealed and eliminated. My refusal to report my mother’s behavior was acting out of affection. In her duty, my mother was always perfunctory and cutting corners, and she would often just abandon her duty. When brothers and sisters fellowshipped with her, she agreed verbally, but afterward still acted willfully, with no regard for the interests of the church. When the leader exposed and pruned her, she argued with distorted reasoning and got angry. After she was dismissed, she pestered people relentlessly, twisted facts, and cried out that she’d been wronged. She played no positive role in the church, and she constantly brought about disruptions and disturbances and affected the brothers’ and sisters’ performance of their duties. My mother brought so many disruptions and disturbances upon the church, and she never accepted the truth in the slightest. Her disbeliever behavior was already very obvious, and I was well aware she should be cleared out. But I still shielded her and was unwilling to report her behavior. Was I not just shielding Satan and covering for a disbeliever? Living in affection made me unable to distinguish right from wrong and completely irrational. Was I not standing in opposition to God? It was only at this point that I finally experienced why God so detests human feelings. God says: “It is because of the feelings between people that I have been cast to one side, and thus I have become an ‘other’ in their eyes; it is because of the feelings between people that I have been forgotten; it is because of the feelings of man that he seizes the opportunity to pick up his ‘conscience’; it is because of the feelings of man that he is always averse to My chastisement; it is because of the feelings of man that he calls Me unfair and unjust.” Thinking of this, I felt truly indebted to God, and in my heart, I had a strong desire to practice according to God’s requirements. I knew I couldn’t hesitate any longer on this matter, and so I reported all of my mom’s behavior.

A month later, I returned home, and my mother told me expressionlessly that she had been cleared out from the church. Then she blamed me, “Why did you tell them everything I said to you? You are truly ungrateful, and you have no conscience. I can’t believe you’d even sell out your own mother.” Hearing her say this, I felt deeply hurt and distressed. It was as if I had done something wrong to her, and I felt ashamed to face her. But after a while, I reconsidered, “Why am I so afraid of my mother’s accusations and complaints? I acted according to principles!” I realized I was once again being constrained by affection, so I silently prayed to God in my heart, “God, in this matter, what is the right way for me to practice?” At that moment, I thought of a passage of God’s word: “Love what God loves, and hate what God hates: This is the principle that should be adhered to” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Only by Recognizing One’s Own Misguided Views Can One Truly Transform). Thinking of God’s words, I felt really enlightened inside. My mother was cleared out because she caused so many disruptions and disturbances, didn’t accept the truth at all, and had no positive effect in the church. I wasn’t doing anything wrong to her by reporting her behavior. Rather, I was practicing the truth and acting according to principle, and there was no need for me to feel guilty. My mom being cleared out was based on the church’s principles. She was now not only refusing to repent but even saying such things. I became even more certain that her nature essence was that of a disbeliever. If such a person remains in the church, they are sure to disturb the brothers’ and sisters’ church life, and they’ll bring no benefit to others at all. They must be cleared out! God says to love what He loves and to hate what He hates. I did nothing wrong by acting according to principles. Thinking of this, I felt relieved, and I no longer had any feelings of indebtedness or guilt toward my mom.

After going through the experience of my mom being cleared out, I gained some discernment of disbelievers’ behavior, and I saw that when you treat people based on affection, you lack principles in your actions. I knew that I could no longer act based on affection. Thank God for giving me this chance to learn this lesson!