By Ning Yu, China

After I began to believe in God, I served as a leader and worker in the church, and later I started to do text-based duty. I liked both of these duties very much, feeling that they were duties done by people with caliber, and that whenever I mentioned them, it sounded impressive and respectable, and made people envious. Especially at the end of 2016, when I was promoted to do duty in the proofreading team of God’s house, I felt even more that I had good caliber and a talent for literacy, and that I was suited to doing it. In August 2020, I was dismissed because I couldn’t cooperate harmoniously with others and was ineffective in my duty. It just so happened that at that time, there were several text-based workers without a suitable host family, so the leaders arranged for me to host them while I reflected on myself. As soon as I heard I was being asked to do hosting, I felt a little upset in my heart. “Hosting is just doing manual labor, a duty done by people with poor caliber and no strengths. In any case, I am someone who has done text-based duty for several years, with some caliber and strengths. Even if my duty is reassigned, I could never possibly be asked to do hosting duty! But to my surprise, hosting duty was exactly what the leaders assigned me!” At that moment, I was unwilling in my heart, but I reflected on the fact that I had already delayed the work for not getting results in doing text-based duty recently. God’s house hadn’t held me accountable and still allowed me to do hosting duty—this was already God’s grace. It would be unreasonable to be picky, so I had no choice but to submit for the time being. For the first two weeks, I prepared meals on time and cleaned the rooms every day, and then I would do my devotionals and read God’s words. I felt that doing duty this way was also quite good. Gradually, however, seeing my sisters sitting in front of their computers doing their duties every day while I was dealing with pots and pans, and spending my days with an apron, a mop, and a trash can, I began to feel more and more aggrieved in my heart. I thought to myself, “Doing hosting duty is physical labor: Any brother or sister who can cook can do it, and it doesn’t require any caliber or strength. On the other hand, doing text-based duty is mental labor, and there is a clear difference in level between it and the physical work of hosting duty!” The more I thought this way, the more resistant I became to doing hosting duty.

One time, Sister Chen asked me to help take out the trash, and I immediately felt my face flush, feeling like a servant. I felt even more that doing hosting duty was inferior. Sometimes, the sisters would ask me to join them for gatherings, but because I felt I was doing hosting duty and inferior to them, I didn’t dare to open up about my state when fellowshipping in gatherings. I was in great torment. I recalled how, during the years I did text-based duty, my brothers and sisters would look up to and envy me wherever I went. Now I was hosting, and no one looked up to me anymore. The more I thought this way, the more I felt that doing hosting duty was meaningless. I even thought, “Rather than hosting here, it would be better to return to my local church. Maybe I could still do text-based duty there, and my brothers and sisters would also look up to and envy me.” One time, the supervisor came to my house, greeted me, and went straight into my sisters’ room. The moment she closed the door, I suddenly felt left out, feeling that I was not in the same league as them. My sisters were doing text-based duty; they were of a higher status and level than me, and they were valued by others, while I was just doing an unremarkable physical duty, inferior to them. This stark contrast tore at my heart, and the pain was indescribable. After the gathering, the supervisor left in a hurry without asking me how my state had been recently. I knew she was busy with her work, so it was normal for her not to ask, but in my heart I still felt quite down. I thought of how, when I had done text-based duty in the past, the supervisor would inquire about my state from time to time, fellowship the truth with us to resolve our problems, and even consult me on some matters. But now, I was just a host, and no one paid attention to me anymore. No matter how much I did or how well I did it, no one would know. Would I have to spend the rest of my days like this? Thinking this way, I was in great torment and felt even more that the hosting duty and text-based duty were not on the same level. I became even more resistant to doing hosting duty. Later, I was not as proactive in preparing meals. I would cook on time when I was in a good mood, and not on time when I was in a bad mood. I didn’t clean as diligently either, and cut corners whenever I could. I was inattentive in everything I did, and at the end of the day, I felt very tired and empty inside. Because I was inattentive, I didn’t even notice that the kitchen drainpipe had come out of the main wastewater line, causing wastewater to flow directly onto the floor and seep into the neighbor’s home downstairs. They came to our door several times. Because the great red dragon was searching for believers everywhere and offering rewards for reporting them, every time someone came, the sisters had to quickly put away their computers and stop their work, which delayed them in their duties. During that time, I was groggy every day, and my heart was in great torment.

One morning, as I was cooking, a white dove flew over and landed on the kitchen windowsill. Its feathers were pure white, and it stood with its head held high and chest puffed out, looking at me with its beady black eyes. After a moment, it flew away with a flutter. A wave of desolation washed over my heart. I was not even living as freely and happily as a bird. Unconsciously, tears welled up in my eyes. It was then that I remembered a passage of God’s words: “I delight in observing the little birds flying in the sky. Though they have not set their resolve before Me and have no words to ‘provide’ to Me, they find enjoyment in the world I have given unto them. Man, however, is incapable of this, and his face is full of melancholy—could it be that I owe him an unpayable debt? Why is his face always streaked with tears?” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. God’s Words to the Entire Universe, Chapter 34). The words of God struck me to the heart, making me feel ashamed and embarrassed. A bird takes the world God has given it as its paradise and lives without a care, able to manifest God’s glory in its short life. Though I was also a created being, I could not submit to God’s sovereignty and arrangements. The supervisor had arranged for me to do hosting duty according to my actual situation and the needs of the work. This was beneficial to me and to the work of the church, but I had been feeling resistant all along, believing that doing hosting duty offered no chance to stand out or be noticed, and that I couldn’t be valued or looked up to by others. So I was perfunctory and irresponsible, failing to maintain the environment well and disturbing my sisters in their duties. I was truly too rebellious against God! With tears in my eyes, I knelt down and prayed, “O God, I have been rebelling against You all this time and have been very resistant to doing hosting duty. I always feel that doing this duty makes me inferior to others, and I can never submit in my heart. O God, I don’t want to treat my duty this way, but I can’t turn things around on my own. I ask that You guide me to understand Your intentions, so that I can submit before You.”

During my devotionals, I read a passage of God’s words: “Whatever your duty, do not discriminate between high and low. Suppose you say, ‘Though this task is a commission from God and the work of God’s house, if I do it, people might look down on me. Others get to do work that lets them stand out. I’ve been given this task, which doesn’t let me stand out but makes me exert myself behind the scenes, it’s unfair! I will not do this duty. My duty has to be one that makes me stand out in front of others and allows me to make a name for myself—and even if I don’t make a name for myself or stand out, I still have to benefit from it and feel physically at ease.’ Is this an acceptable attitude? Being picky is not accepting things from God; it is making choices according to your own preferences. This is not accepting your duty; it is a refusal of your duty, a manifestation of your rebelliousness against God. Such pickiness is adulterated with your individual preferences and desires. When you give consideration to your own benefit, your reputation, and so on, your attitude toward your duty is not submissive. What attitude should you have toward your duty? First, you must not analyze it, trying to ascertain who it was that assigned it to you; instead, you should accept it from God as God’s commission and as your duty, and you should obey the orchestration and arrangements of God, and accept your duty from God. Second, do not discriminate between high and low, and do not concern yourself with its nature, whether it lets you stand out or not, whether it is done in public view or behind the scenes. Do not consider these things. There is also another attitude: submission and active cooperation” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. What Is the Up-to-Standard Performance of One’s Duty?). As I pondered God’s words, it seemed as though a sliver of light suddenly pierced my heart, which had been in darkness for so long. God requires people to have the correct viewpoint and attitude toward their duty, to be able to accept it from God no matter what duty they do, not to act according to their own preferences, and to be able to accept, submit and be devoted to it. To treat one’s duty according to one’s preferences, to accept it when it puts one in the spotlight and resist it when it doesn’t—this is refusing one’s duty; it is rebelling against God. I reflected on my attitude toward my duty. I was always picking and choosing based on my preferences, and was not submissive at all. I believed that being a leader or worker, or doing text-based duty, would cause others to esteem and value me, and give me prestige, so I was happy to accept. Now I had been assigned to do hosting duty. Because I felt it was physical labor serving others, an inferior job, and that no matter how well I did it I wouldn’t stand out or be esteemed and valued by others, I felt it was demeaning and shameful, and I just couldn’t submit. When my sister asked me to help take out the trash, I thought she was ordering me around. When I gathered with my sisters, I also felt inferior to them and was unwilling to participate. I even regretted doing hosting duty. I thought about how I was just a tiny created being, with no status to speak of. The supervisor arranged for me to do hosting duty, and the reasonable thing to do would have been to accept it from God and submit, but I picked and chose based on my preferences, my heart set on doing a text-based duty to gain others’ esteem, and I was resistant and perfunctory in how I treated hosting duty. I truly lacked any conscience or reason. How could I not be detested and abhorred by God? Today, I had fallen into darkness and was living in unbearable pain. This was all because I cared too much about my own face and status and did not submit to God. Only then did I understand that God’s painstaking intention was in the leader arranging for me to do hosting duty. It was to reveal my corrupt disposition and prune my desire for status, to prompt me to reflect on and know myself and undergo true repentance and transformation. This duty was indeed what I needed, and it was beneficial to my life entry. I could not rebel against God any longer. I only wished to submit to God’s orchestrations and arrangements and do my duty well to comfort God’s heart!

During that time, I often pondered a passage of God’s words: “People’s entire lives are in the hands of God, and if it were not for their resolution before God, who would be willing to live in vain in this empty world of man? Why bother? Rushing in and out of the world, if they do not do anything for God, will their entire lives not have been wasted? Even if God does not deem your actions worthy of mention, will you not give a smile of gratification at the moment of your death? You should pursue positive progress, not negative regression—is this not better practice?” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Interpretations of the Mysteries of “God’s Words to the Entire Universe,” Chapter 39). As I pondered God’s words, I was greatly encouraged. That I can do my duty during the period in which God has become flesh to work in the last days is the most meaningful thing of all. No matter what duty I do, the key is to have the right intentions, to stand in my proper place before God, not to pick and choose duties based on my preferences, and to be able to submit to and satisfy God—this is what matters most. The more I pondered God’s words, the more I was moved, the more I felt indebted to God, and the more I abhorred my own rebellion. I became willing to do hosting duty. Afterward, every day I prepared the meals on time, maintained the environment well, and also cleaned the house, making my sisters feel at home. By practicing this way, I felt that my relationship with God grew closer. However, because I had no true knowledge of my own nature essence, after a period of time, I was again living in an incorrect state.

One day, I inadvertently learned that a sister who, like me, had had her duty reassigned to do hosting, had gone to do a duty related to internet technology. At that moment, my heart was in turmoil. “Others do hosting duty for a while and then have their duties reassigned, so why doesn’t the supervisor alter my duty? Even letting me return to my local church to do text-based duty would be fine; at least it would sound more respectable than doing hosting duty. Now I’m busy here all day, doing physical and menial tasks, and no matter how much effort I put in, no one looks up to me. There’s no future in this. Should I talk to the supervisor and ask her to reassign my duty?” But then I felt that doing so would be unreasonable. I thought about it over and over, and was uneasy even when cooking. Once, I was absent-minded and cooked too many noodles; it took my sisters three meals to finish them. This made me feel completely humiliated. I couldn’t even cook properly—what else could I do? My heart grew even more pained and negative. One day, I went to the market to buy groceries and met Sister Xiao, who was doing general affairs duty. Seeing her riding her bicycle under the scorching sun, weaving through the crowd with a joyful expression on her face, I was very envious. Then I looked at myself, with a long face all day, unable to be happy. I couldn’t help but reflect: “We’re both doing general affairs duties in the church, so how can she submit? How can she be so joyful? Why can’t I ever truly submit?” During that time, I repeatedly pondered these questions, and I also prayed to God, asking Him to guide me to understand the truth in this regard.

During my devotionals, I read God’s words: “In your pursuit, you have too many individual notions, hopes, and futures. The current work is in order to prune your desire for status and your extravagant desires. Hopes, status, and notions are all classic representations of satanic disposition. … For many years, the thoughts that people have relied upon for their survival have been corroding their hearts to the point that they have become treacherous, cowardly, and despicable. Not only do they lack willpower and resolve, but they have also become greedy, arrogant, and willful. They are utterly lacking any resolve that transcends the self, and even more, they don’t have a bit of courage to shake off the strictures of these dark influences. People’s thoughts and lives are so rotten that their perspectives on believing in God are still unbearably hideous, and even when people speak of their perspectives on belief in God it is simply unbearable to hear. People are all cowardly, incompetent, despicable, and fragile. They do not feel disgust for the forces of darkness, and they do not feel love for the light and the truth; instead, they do their utmost to expel them” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Why Are You Unwilling to Be a Foil?). “For an antichrist, status, power, and prestige are the most important kinds of interests, and the things that they equate with their own life. This is why, when an antichrist is dismissed, when they lose their title of ‘leader’ and no longer have status, which means that they have lost their power and prestige, that they will no longer receive the special treatment of being esteemed, supported, and looked up to, as an antichrist who sees status and power as life itself, they find this absolutely unacceptable” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Twelve: They Want to Withdraw When They Have No Status or No Hope of Gaining Blessings). Comparing myself against God’s words, I reflected on myself, and only then did I see that the root of my inability to truly submit to hosting duty was that I was living by satanic poisons like “People need their pride just as a tree needs its bark,” “A man leaves his name behind wherever he stays, just as a goose utters its cry wherever it flies,” “Man struggles upward; water flows downward,” and “Those who toil with their minds govern others, and those who toil with their hands are governed by others.” It was all caused by my constant pursuit of face and status. Influenced and conditioned by these satanic poisons, before believing in God, the life goal I had set for myself was to get into a university and find a respectable job, so that I could be held in high esteem and be respected by others. I felt that only living this way was valuable and meaningful, and that if I spent my life doing manual labor, being ordered around and looked down upon by others, life would have no purpose. However, for various reasons, I did not get into a good school and could only farm at home. I was unwilling to do manual labor, so I found a substitute teaching job at a school. Although the salary was not high, the job was respectable. After I came to believe in God, I continued to live by these satanic poisons. I divided the duties of God’s house into different ranks, and only liked doing duties that put me in the spotlight and made people look up to me. I believed that hosting duty was physical work and inferior, so I wanted to shirk it and refuse it. I was controlled by these satanic poisons. My outlook on life and my values became warped, and my heart was set on pursuing fame and status. I regarded my own pride and status as higher than anything else, and when I couldn’t obtain pride and status, I felt that life had no purpose and was very painful. I thought about how, when I was doing text-based duty, it was because I was always pursuing fame and status that my state was always poor, I couldn’t cooperate harmoniously with others, and I was ineffective in my duty, and as a result, I was dismissed. If this aspect of my corrupt disposition was not resolved, no matter what duty I did, I would sooner or later fail and fall. But I did not reflect on and resolve my corruption, nor did I consider how to do hosting duty well. My heart was set on doing text-based duty to satisfy my desire for fame and status, and I was resistant, perfunctory, and lacked devotion in how I treated hosting duty. I was particularly selfish and base, truly without any shred of humanity or reason! I thought about how I had forsaken my family and career to do my duty for more than a decade, and just one reassignment of my duty had revealed my true stature. Only then did I see that everything I usually said was just words and doctrines, without the slightest truth reality. Suddenly, I felt very pathetic. I thought of how antichrists stubbornly pursue fame and status, and no matter how many prunings, dismissals, and reassignments they face, they never give up their ambitions and desires; instead, they do many evil deeds, and are ultimately eliminated by God. Wasn’t I following in their footsteps? The path I was walking was that of an antichrist. If I did not turn back, I would ultimately be spurned and eliminated by God!

During my devotionals, I pondered further, “I cannot truly submit to hosting duty. What other erroneous viewpoints do I have inside me?” I read God’s words: “Everyone is equal before the truth. Those who are promoted and cultivated are not very much better than others. Everyone has experienced God’s work for around the same time. Those who have not been promoted or cultivated should also pursue the truth while doing their duties. No one may deprive others of the right to pursue the truth. Some people are more eager in their pursuit of the truth and have some caliber, so they are promoted and cultivated. This is due to the needs of the work of God’s house. So why does God’s house have such principles for promoting and using people? Because there are differences in people’s caliber and character, and each person chooses a different path, this leads to different outcomes in people’s faith in God. Those who pursue the truth are saved and become people of the kingdom, while those who do not accept the truth at all, who are not loyal in doing their duty, are eliminated. God’s house cultivates and uses people based on whether they pursue the truth, and on whether they are loyal in doing their duty. Is there a distinction in the hierarchy of various people in God’s house? For the time being, there is no hierarchy in terms of various people’s positions, worth, status, or standing. At least during the period when God works to save and guide people, there is no difference between various people’s ranks, positions, worth, or status. The only things that are different are in the division of work and in the duty roles performed. Of course, during this period, some people, on exception, are promoted and cultivated to do some special jobs, while some people do not receive such opportunities due to various reasons such as problems with their caliber or family environment. But does God not save those who have not received such opportunities? This is not the case. Is their worth and position lower than others’? No. Everyone is equal before the truth, everyone has the opportunity to pursue and gain the truth, and God treats everyone fairly and reasonably” (The Word, Vol. 5. The Responsibilities of Leaders and Workers. The Responsibilities of Leaders and Workers (5)). After reading God’s words, I understood that everyone is equal before God, all are created beings, and there is no distinction of status and rank based on what duty a person does. Being a leader or doing text-based duty does not mean one’s position or status is higher than others, and doing hosting or general affairs duty does not mean one’s position or status is lower. The duty each person does is arranged according to their caliber and strengths, and the needs of the church’s work. The duties done are different only in the division of labor; there is no distinction between high and low status. No matter what duty one does, what God values is whether they pursue the truth and gain the truth—this is what is most crucial. Comparing myself against God’s words, I saw that my viewpoint was simply too preposterous. I believed that in God’s house, all who serve as leaders and workers, preach the gospel, or do text-based duty are people with caliber and strengths, who have high status, and are distinguished. In contrast, I believed that those who do hosting duty or general affairs duty are just doing manual labor, are of lower status, and are of a lower class. Dominated by this absurd viewpoint, I liked doing text-based duty, and when I was asked to do hosting duty, I felt as if I had been sent to a forgotten back shelf. I was sad and lost, and found it difficult to submit. I did not view things according to God’s words, but instead viewed the duties of God’s house from the perspective of nonbelievers, dividing them into different ranks, and despised hosting duty from the depths of my heart. It was truly absurd. This was the viewpoint of a disbeliever! No matter what duty we do, God hopes that we can pursue the truth while doing our duty, and come to view people and things and conduct ourselves and act wholly according to God’s words, with the truth as our criterion. I thought about the false leaders and antichrists around me who had fallen. Although they were leaders in the church, because they blindly pursued status and did not focus on pursuing the truth, they did many things that disrupted and disturbed the work of the church. They remained unrepentant to the end, and were ultimately eliminated. In contrast, some brothers and sisters who did general affairs duty or hosting duty, despite not having high status, were able to submit to the arrangements of the church and silently do their own duties. After a period of time, they could make some progress in their life entry, and some even wrote experiential testimony articles. I saw that no matter what duty a person does, as long as they pursue the truth and can submit to God’s orchestrations and arrangements, they will have God’s enlightenment and guidance. I thought about how I had believed in God for so many years, and when my duty was reassigned, I could not view the matter according to God’s words, but measured it based on my own fallacious views. I could not do the duty of hosting well in a faithful manner and showed no submission to God at all. If I continued without turning around, I would ultimately be eliminated as well. I had to focus on seeking the truth and practicing the truth in my duty, and I could not rebel against God anymore. After that, I often prayed, read God’s words, and listened to hymns, and my relationship with God became much closer. Whenever I had any difficulties, I would open up and seek from my sisters. They would fellowship and help me, and I felt that my relationship with my sisters also grew closer. I also focused on training to seek the truth and practice the truth in the things that came upon me, preparing meals on time, keeping the house clean, and doing the work of safety and protection well, doing my best to provide my sisters with a quiet, comfortable, and safe environment for doing their duties. Sometimes, after my sisters finished their duties, they would also help me with the cleaning, and when they saw I was too busy cooking, they would proactively offer to help as well. When I changed my viewpoint, set my attitude straight, and submitted, my heart felt liberated.

One day, the newly selected supervisor for text-based work came to my house. I saw that it was Sister Chen, with whom I had cooperated two years ago. Besides the surprise, my heart was again in turmoil. “Sister Chen was also dismissed last year, and after reflecting for a period of time, she has started to do text-based duty again, and this time she was even elected as a supervisor. But look at me: After my duty was reassigned, I’ve been hosting here all this time. Others are moving up, while I am going down. There’s really no comparison!” When I thought this, I again felt that doing hosting duty was embarrassing. At that moment, I realized my state was incorrect, so I quickly prayed to God, asking Him to protect my heart. Afterward, I read God’s words: “Speaking broadly, you are taking part in the work of God’s management plan; more specifically, you are cooperating with the various types of jobs of God that are required at different times and among different groups of people. Regardless of what your duty is, it is a mission God has given you. Sometimes you may be required to look after or safeguard an important object. This might be a comparatively trivial matter that can only be said to be a responsibility of yours, but it is a task God has given you; you accepted it from Him. You accepted it from God’s hands, and this is your duty. … Regardless, as long as it has to do with God’s work and the necessity of the work of spreading the gospel, people should accept it as a duty from God. Duty, to put it in even broader terms, is a person’s mission, a commission entrusted by God; more specifically, it is your responsibility, your obligation. Given that it is your mission, a commission entrusted to you by God, and is your responsibility and obligation, performing your duty has nothing to do with your personal affairs” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. What Is the Up-to-Standard Performance of One’s Duty?). Reading God’s words, I understood that the opportunity for people to do their duty is God’s grace and exaltation. God has come to earth to carry out the work of saving humankind. This is a vast undertaking, and there are many duties that require people’s cooperation, such as being leaders and workers, preaching the gospel, hosting, and so on. Every duty is important. There are no big or small duties, no high or low duties, and no noble or base duties. Whether one is engaged in mental or physical labor, it is all fulfilling one’s responsibility before God. Although I did not stand out by doing hosting duty, being able to let everyone do their duties with peace of mind is also fulfilling the responsibility and duty of a created being. From my heart, I no longer resisted hosting duty, and I no longer felt that doing hosting duty was merely manual labor, and that it was inferior. While doing my duty, I could also put more of my mind to reflecting on my state and seeking the truth. I felt very at ease in my heart doing my duty this way.

I never expected that after some time, I started doing text-based duty again. Those days of doing hosting duty have become a precious memory in my heart. It was the guidance of God’s words that allowed me to gain discernment of my fallacious viewpoints behind my pursuit, and to understand that there are no high or low duties, and no noble or base duties. No matter what duty you are faced with, you should accept and submit. To be able to pursue the truth and offer up one’s devotion—this is what God values.