By Yang Xiaolin, China

In 1997, I began believing in the Lord due to an illness, and before long, my condition improved. I was very grateful for the Lord’s grace. In the spring of 2003, I learned that the Lord Jesus had returned, and is Almighty God. By reading Almighty God’s words, I understood that God’s six-thousand-year management plan is divided into three stages, and that Almighty God is doing the final stage of work, the work of judgment. All who accept the judgment and chastisement of God’s words and have their corrupt dispositions cleansed can be saved by God and enter His kingdom. So I accepted Almighty God and actively dedicated myself to preaching the gospel. Although my family tried to stop me, my neighbors mocked me, and the great red dragon followed me and tried to arrest me, whenever I thought of how God had healed my illness and the wonderful destination He has promised to man, I felt that suffering this bit of hardship was well worth it.

In the blink of an eye, it was early 2021, and I was watering newcomers in the church. During that time, I often had a dull, aching pain in my lower abdomen. At first, I didn’t think much of it and figured I’d just caught a chill from the cold weather. But by the end of June, the pain had gotten much worse, and I frequently had blood in my urine, so my family rushed me to the hospital. After an examination, the doctor said gravely, “Why didn’t you come in sooner? Your uterus is the size it would be at ten weeks pregnant, and it’s full of growths. This isn’t just blood in your urine; it’s uterine bleeding. The situation doesn’t look good. You need surgery right away.” Hearing this, I was suddenly at a loss. “How could this be?” I thought. “I’ve been doing my duty all this time. I should have God’s protection!” When I got home, I prayed to God, “God, I know that I have this illness with Your permission, but the doctor’s words made me afraid. Please guide me so that I may understand Your intentions.” I remembered a line from God’s words, “Believe that God is surely your Almighty.” So I opened my computer and found that passage of God’s words: “Do not be impatient for solutions to what you do not understand; bring such matters before God more often, and offer to Him a sincere heart. Believe that God is surely your Almighty. You must have a tremendous aspiration for God, ravenously seeking while refusing Satan’s excuses, intentions, and tricks. Do not lose heart. Do not be weak. Seek with all your heart; wait with all your heart. Actively cooperate with God, and rid yourself of your internal hindrances” (God’s Fellowship). As I pondered His words, my heart gradually calmed down. I knew there had to be God’s intentions in me getting this illness. Even though I didn’t understand it yet, I knew I should pray, seek, and wait for God’s guidance. God is almighty, and He is sovereign over my fate. Doctors make diagnoses based on their knowledge and experience, but I couldn’t let their words frighten me. I had to have faith in God. Thinking this, I was no longer afraid. In early July, I had a surgery to remove my uterus, ovaries, and fallopian tubes. The doctor told me, “You’re very lucky. The pathology report came back benign.” I silently thanked God in my heart. After resting for over twenty days, I started doing my duty again.

I thought the illness was over, but, little did I know, this was only the beginning. Having had three major surgeries in my life—a gallbladder removal, an appendectomy, and now a hysterectomy—I soon began to suffer from a series of postoperative complications. One night in early August, I was suddenly struck by severe abdominal pain, and my family rushed me to the hospital. The diagnosis was a bowel obstruction. The doctors immediately inserted a tube to empty my stomach and clean out my intestines. The tube irritated my esophagus, causing me to vomit constantly. Between that and the unbearable abdominal pain, I could neither sit still nor lie down. The whole ordeal, which lasted an entire day and night, left me utterly exhausted. Then, at eleven o’clock the next night, I was hit by another wave of excruciating pain. Seeing how pale I was, my husband quickly went to find a doctor. A CT scan revealed that I had a perforated intestine and a large amount of fluid in my abdomen, requiring immediate surgery. By then, I was on the verge of fainting from the pain, with tears and sweat streaming down my face. Over and over, I cried out in my heart, “God, save me! Oh, God …” In a daze, God’s words appeared in my mind: “Believe that God is surely your Almighty” (God’s Fellowship). I don’t know how much time passed before a doctor shook me awake, asking, “How are you doing? How did you fall asleep?” It was only then I realized that in the midst of such agony, I had actually fallen asleep. Because it was too late to contact a surgeon, they could only send me back to my room for observation. Unexpectedly, I slept soundly until after seven the next morning. When the doctor came to check on me, he said with a puzzled look, “The CT scan clearly showed fluid in your abdomen. How has your condition stabilized now?” In my heart, I thanked God over and over. A week later, I was discharged.

Due to bile reflux caused by my gallbladder removal, my stomach was often bloated and had a burning sensation. The pain in my chest and back was severe, and throughout the whole day I couldn’t eat or sleep properly. I went to several different hospitals and tried many traditional Chinese medicines, but nothing helped. My insomnia also grew worse; sometimes I couldn’t sleep at all the entire night. Watching myself grow thinner each day, I was living in a constant state of anxiety and worry. “If this goes on, will I still be able to do my duty?” I thought. “If I can’t eat or sleep, will I die? And if I die, how can I still be saved?” I couldn’t help but misunderstand God a bit. “I’ve done my duty through thick and thin all these years of my faith. Even though I’ve been sick for over a year, I haven’t stopped doing my duty. Why isn’t God protecting me? Could it be that God is using this illness to reveal and eliminate me?” Time and again, I prayed to God through my tears, “Oh, God, I am so weak. I’m worried I won’t be able to fulfill my duty, and I’m even more afraid that if I die, I can’t be saved. God, I beg You to guide me, so that I may find a path of practice in Your words.” I then saw God’s words: “When sickness comes calling, what path should people follow? How should they choose? People should not sink into distress, anxiety, and worry, and contemplate their own future prospects and paths. Rather, the more people find themselves in times like these and in such special situations and contexts, and the more they find themselves in such immediate difficulties, the more they should seek the truth and pursue the truth. Only by doing this will the sermons you have heard in the past and the truths you have understood not be in vain and will take effect. The more you find yourself in such difficulties as these, the more you should relinquish your own desires and submit to God’s orchestrations. God’s purpose in setting up this kind of situation and arranging these conditions for you is not to make you sink into the emotions of distress, anxiety, and worry, and it is not so that you can test God to see if He will cure you when sickness befalls, thereby sounding out the truth of the matter; God sets up these special situations and conditions for you so that you can learn the practical lessons in such situations and conditions, attain deeper entry into the truth and into submission to God, and so that you know more clearly and accurately how God orchestrates all people, events, and things. The fates of man are in God’s hands and, whether people can sense it or not, whether they are truly aware of it or not, they should submit and not resist, not reject, and certainly not test God. You may die in any case, and if you resist, reject, and test God, then it goes without saying what your outcome will be. Conversely, if in the same situations and conditions you are able to seek how a created being ought to submit to the Creator’s orchestrations, seek what lessons you are to learn and what corrupt dispositions you are to know in the situations God brings about for you, and understand God’s intentions in such situations, and bear your testimony well to meet God’s demands, then this is what you should do. When God arranges for someone to get an illness, whether major or minor, His purpose in doing so is not to make you appreciate the ins and outs of being sick, the harm the illness does to you, the inconveniences and difficulties the illness causes you, and all the myriad feelings the illness causes you to feel—His purpose is not for you to appreciate sickness through being sick. Rather, His purpose is for you to learn the lessons from sickness, to learn how to grasp God’s intentions, to know the corrupt dispositions you reveal and the wrong attitudes you adopt toward God when you’re sick, and to learn how to submit to God’s sovereignty and arrangements, so that you can achieve true submission to God and be able to stand firm in your testimony—this is absolutely key. God wishes to save you and cleanse you through sickness. What about you does He wish to cleanse? He wishes to cleanse all your extravagant desires and demands toward God, and even cleanse the various calculations, judgments, and plans you make at all costs to survive and live. God does not ask you to make plans, He does not ask you to judge, and He does not allow you to have any extravagant desires toward Him; He requires only that you submit to Him and, in your practice and experience of submitting, to know your own attitude toward sickness, and to know your attitude toward these bodily conditions He gives to you, as well as your own personal wishes. When you come to know these things, you can then appreciate how beneficial it is for you that God has set up the circumstances of the illness for you or that He has given you these bodily conditions; and you can appreciate just how helpful they are to changing your disposition, to you attaining salvation, and to your life entry” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (3)). After reading God’s words, I understood. God’s intention in allowing this illness to befall me was not for me to get bogged down in sorrow, anxiety, and worry, but for me to seek the truth, learn lessons, and come to know the corrupt disposition I had revealed. It was also to test whether I had true faith in and submission to God. Thinking back on the past year or more of my illness, I had tried all sorts of treatments—traditional Chinese medicine, Western medicine, and folk remedies. I had seen famous doctors and specialists, but not only did my condition fail to improve, it actually got worse. I was living in a state of sorrow, anxiety, and worry, afraid that as my illness progressed I would be unable to do my duty, and even more afraid that if I died, I wouldn’t be able to be saved. My heart was pained and weak, and I had lost faith in God. In the past, when I got sick and saw God’s protection and grace, I was very grateful to Him. But now that my illness was severe and I couldn’t see His grace and blessings, I suspected that God was using my illness to reveal and eliminate me. I even tried to use my forsaking and suffering over the years I had believed in God as capital to bargain with Him, complaining about why He wasn’t protecting me. In reality, God was using this illness to reveal the impurities in my faith, and to make me know my own corruption, and submit to God’s sovereignty and arrangements. Understanding God’s painstaking intentions, I felt deep remorse. I knelt and prayed to God, “Oh God, I am willing to place myself in Your hands and submit to Your orchestrations and arrangements. May You guide me.”

Over the next period, I continued taking traditional Chinese medicine, but my condition still didn’t improve. My stomach felt like it was on fire, and I was so nauseous I couldn’t eat. My whole body ached, and at night, I could only rely on sleeping pills to barely get two or three hours of sleep. Later, not only could I not do my duty, but I couldn’t even keep up with gatherings. In July 2023, the church suggested, based on my condition, that I temporarily pause my church life to rest and recover from my illness at home. I was in great anguish. “No matter how much I was suffering before, I gritted my teeth and persisted in my duty, thinking God would heal me,” I thought. “But now I can’t even make it to gatherings. Will I be able to bear any testimony? Will I not just be waiting to be eliminated by God?” The last glimmer of hope I had was shattered. That day, I went home, threw myself on the bed, and just sobbed. I thought about how the brothers and sisters around me were all healthy and able to attend gatherings and do their duties normally. Even some nonbelievers were healthy. Why was I constantly plagued by illness?

At the end of August, I was hospitalized once again for a bowel obstruction. During that time, the daily pain in my abdomen, stomach, and back left me in unbearable agony. I could hardly eat anything, so I could only rely on IV drips of protein and glucose for nutrition. I quickly lost over 20 kilograms. My husband stopped working to stay with me at the hospital, massaging my back every day. A few times, I felt his tears fall on my back. I knew my days were likely numbered. At night, when I couldn’t sleep, scenes from my twenty years of faith flashed through my mind. My husband forbade me to believe in God and even threatened me with divorce, but I didn’t compromise. The people of the world mocked, ridiculed, and insulted me, but I didn’t back down. The great red dragon tracked and persecuted me, but I didn’t lose faith. I thought God would see how I had forsaken and suffered over the years and would protect me to the very end, allowing me to see the splendors of the kingdom. I never imagined that what I was facing now could possibly be the end of my life. I was heartbroken and couldn’t help but think, “After all that suffering, I still have to die in the end. If I had known it would come to this, why would I have started believing in God in the first place?” For a few days, I lay in my hospital bed, not praying or reading God’s words. All my mind could think about were images of what happens after death. I especially thought of how the spiritual realm was shrouded in a dark, murky fog, so dark you couldn’t see your hand in front of your face, with no family there to keep you company, and I would shudder with fear. One day, my brother and his wife came to the hospital to see me. Seeing me so emaciated and weak, my brother said with tears in his eyes, “Don’t give up. You have to pray and rely on God more!” His words filled me with a sense of guilt and unease. I thought, “Ever since I got sick, when God has shown me grace and blessings, I’ve thanked Him and felt that believing in God was wonderful. But now that death is upon me, I start to complain against Him and even regret my faith. This is a betrayal of God!” During that period, I was on an IV drip for over ten hours every day. By the ninth day, both of my arms were so swollen that they couldn’t administer the IV drip anymore, so I had no choice but to be discharged. After returning home, I prayed to God again and again, “Oh God, facing death, my heart is filled with terror and helplessness, and with misunderstandings, complaints, and unreasonable demands toward You. God, please guide me to know my own corruption and to understand Your intentions.”

Leaning back on my bed, I opened my computer and saw God’s words: “In everyone’s mind, the only thing they can think about is all the graces, blessings, and promises that Jehovah bestows on people, but they never think—or cannot envision—what kind of scene will come to pass when Jehovah takes all these things away from them. Everyone who comes to believe in God is only ready to accept God’s grace, blessings, and promises, and only willing to accept His kindness and mercy. Yet no one is waiting or preparing to accept God’s chastisement and judgment, His trials and refinement, or His deprivation, and not a single person makes preparations to accept God’s judgment and chastisement, His deprivation, or His curses. Is this relationship between people and God normal or abnormal? (Abnormal.) Why do you say that it’s abnormal? Where does it fall short? It falls short in that people do not have the truth. It is because people have too many notions and imaginings, constantly misunderstand God, and do not fix these things by seeking the truth—this makes it most likely for problems to occur. In particular, people only believe in God for the sake of being blessed. They only want to strike a deal with God, and demand things from Him, but do not pursue the truth. This is very dangerous. As soon as they encounter something that is at odds with their notions, they immediately develop notions, grievances, and misunderstandings with respect to God, and can even go so far as to betray Him. Are the consequences of this serious? What path do most people walk in their faith in God? Though you may have listened to so many sermons and feel that you have come to understand quite a few truths, the fact is that you are still walking the path of believing in God only to eat your fill of loaves” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. What It Means to Pursue the Truth (11)). “Job was indeed a man of faith. When God blessed him, he thanked God. When God disciplined him and stripped him of all he had, he still thanked God. Upon experiencing things to the very end, when he had become old and God had taken away all his property and his children, how did Job react? Not only did he not complain, but he was able to reject Satan, and he praised God from his heart, extolled God’s name, and bore witness for Him. … People often say, ‘Everything God does is beneficial to people and contains His good intentions.’ Is this the truth? (Yes.) But can you accept it? When God blesses you, you can accept it, but can you accept it when He takes away? You cannot, but Job could. He took this statement as the truth—didn’t he love the truth? God took away all his property, causing him such enormous losses, and he was also struck with a serious illness. But this statement he made, ‘Everything God does is right, and contains God’s good intentions,’ proves that he fully understood in his heart that everything he had was bestowed by God. Precisely because he understood that this is the truth, no matter how much pain he suffered, he had no complaints and was still able to praise God. No matter what his wife said, he was able to stand firm in his testimony and extol God in his heart. That is why we say Job loved the truth. Furthermore, no matter what means God used to try him, he was able to accept and submit without complaint. Even when Satan took away his property and tried to kill him, or afflicted him with boils—all of which do not accord with human notions—how did Job respond? Did he complain about God? He did not speak a single word of complaint about God, but said that the name of God is to be extolled. This proves that Job could submit to God’s orchestrations and arrangements, and also proves that Job loved the truth, and loved fairness and righteousness. In his heart, he said, ‘God is so fair to people and so righteous! Whatever God does is right!’ Thus, he could praise God. He said, ‘No matter what God does, I will not complain. In the eyes of God, created beings are but maggots. However God treats me is fine and justified.’ He believed everything God did was right, was something positive. No matter how great the loss to his property, no matter how much difficulty he faced or how much pain he endured, he did not complain about God, and could still submit to God’s orchestrations and arrangements. This is a manifestation of loving the truth” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Self-Knowledge Is Essential for Pursuing the Truth). Pondering God’s words, I was overcome with shame! In my perspective, believing in God was all about receiving grace and blessings from Him. I had never imagined that one day God’s judgment and chastisement, or trials and refinement, would befall me, much less had I equipped myself with the truth in advance to face God’s judgment. Although I knew Job’s experiences by heart and could recite from memory the essential words he said when he stood firm in his testimony, all I understood was doctrine. Job experienced God’s trials because he feared God and shunned evil. He lost all his possessions and his children, and his body was covered in sore boils. He was mocked by his wife and ridiculed by his friends, but he still held fast to his integrity. In his extreme suffering, he would rather curse the day of his own birth than complain against God or forsake His name. He regarded “Everything God does is right, and contains God’s good intentions” as the highest truth to be practiced. As long as something came from God, whether good or bad, he could accept it and submit. With his faith in, submission to, and fear of God, he defeated Satan and bore a resounding testimony for God. Doctrinally, I knew that everything God does is right and contains His good intentions, but when my long-term illness brought me to the brink of death, my true stature was completely revealed. I began counting my own merits, complaining why God wasn’t protecting me, and even regretting my faith and all that I had forsaken and expended. When God blessed me, I was full of gratitude to Him, but when what He did went against my notions, I would argue with and oppose Him. I truly lacked conscience and reason; I was so devoid of humanity! I then fell prostrate on the ground and prayed to God, “Oh God, You are the Creator, and I am a created being. No matter what You do, I shouldn’t have any complaints or make any demands of You. God, I am willing to submit to Your orchestrations and arrangements.”

Over the next few days, I began to put my affairs in order. I packed up the books of God’s words and told a sister where I had put them. I also prayed and sought how to correctly face death. I saw a passage of God’s words: “This is how you should regard the matter of death. Everyone must face death in their life, that is, death is what everyone must face at the end of their journey. However, there are different natures to death. One of these is, at the time preordained by God, people have completed their own missions and God draws a line under their physical life, so their physical life comes to an end, though this doesn’t mean that their life is over. When a person is without flesh, their life is over—is that the case? (No.) The form in which your life exists after death depends on how you treated God’s work and words while you were alive—this is very important. The form in which you exist after death, or whether you will exist or not, will depend upon your attitude toward God and toward the truth while you are alive. If while you are alive, when you face death and all manner of illnesses, your attitude toward the truth is one of rebelliousness, opposition, and feeling averse toward the truth, then when it comes time for your fleshly life to be over, in what way will you exist after death? You will certainly exist in some other way, and your life will certainly not continue. Conversely, if while you are alive, when you have consciousness within the flesh, your attitude toward the truth and toward God is one of submission and loyalty and you have true faith, then even if your physical life comes to an end, your life will still go on to exist in a different form in another realm. This is the definition of death” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (4)). After reading God’s words, I felt very calm. Everyone must face death, but the nature of each person’s death and their outcome after death are vastly different. Whether they return before the Creator or descend into hell with Satan depends on their attitude toward God and the truth while they were alive. I thought of the verse in the Bible that says, “So Job died, being old and full of days” (Job 42:17). Job feared God and shunned evil his entire life. Amid Satan’s attacks and torments, he stood firm in his testimony for God, which brought comfort to God’s heart. In the face of death, Job was able to submit from his heart. His mind was calm and peaceful, without any worry or fear. I understood then that death itself is not what’s frightening. What’s frightening is to live one’s life without pursuing or gaining the truth, still living by one’s corrupt disposition and satanic philosophies, and still rebelling against and resisting God. No matter how long such a physical life lasts or how comfortable it is, it’s only temporary, and after death, one must still go to hell to be punished. But if, while they are alive, a person can pursue the truth and gain the truth as their life, live out the reality of fearing and submitting to God like Job did, and stand firm in their testimony to humiliate Satan, then even if their physical body dies one day, they are still a person who is approved of by God. In facing death, all I had revealed were misunderstandings, complaints, and unreasonable demands toward God. I was full of rebellion and resistance toward Him. Even if I were to continue living, if my corrupt disposition didn’t change, I would still be eliminated and punished in the end.

Later, I began to reflect. After experiencing nearly three years of illness, I had revealed so much rebellion and misunderstanding toward God. Even though I knew that everything He does is right and that I should submit, when faced with death, I still couldn’t bring myself to submit, no matter what. I could even argue with God and oppose Him. What aspect of my corrupt disposition was causing this? One day, I saw God’s words: “Before deciding to do their duty, deep in their hearts, antichrists are brimming with expectations toward their prospects, gaining blessings, a good destination, and even a crown, and they have the utmost confidence in attaining these things. They come to the house of God to do their duty with such intentions and aspirations. So, does their performance of duty contain the sincerity, genuine faith and loyalty that God requires? At this point, one cannot yet see their genuine loyalty, faith, or sincerity, because everyone harbors an entirely transactional mindset before they do their duty; everyone makes the decision to do their duty driven by interests, and also based on the precondition of their overflowing ambitions and desires. What is the antichrists’ intention in doing their duty? It’s to make a deal, to make an exchange. It could be said that these are the conditions they set for doing duty: ‘If I do my duty, then I must obtain blessings and have a good destination. I must obtain all the blessings and benefits that god has said are prepared for humankind. If I can’t obtain them, then I won’t do this duty.’ They come to the house of God to do their duty with such intentions, ambitions, and desires. It seems like they do have some sincerity, and of course for those who are new believers and are just starting to do their duty, it can also be called enthusiasm. But there is no genuine faith or loyalty in this; there’s only that degree of enthusiasm. It can’t be called sincerity. Judging from this attitude antichrists have toward doing their duty, it is wholly transactional and filled with their desires for benefits like gaining blessings, entering the kingdom of heaven, obtaining a crown, and receiving rewards. So, it appears from the outside that many antichrists, before being expelled, are doing their duty and have even forsaken more and suffered more than the average person. What they expend and the price they pay are on par with Paul, and they do no less running about than Paul either. This is something everyone can see. In terms of their behavior and their resolve to suffer and pay the price, they ought not to receive nothing. However, God does not regard a person based on their outward behavior, but based on their essence, their disposition, what they reveal, and the nature and essence of every single thing that they do” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Nine (Part Seven)). God exposes that antichrists do their duty only to gain blessings and rewards. If there were no good outcome, no rewards or blessings, an antichrist would not believe in God, much less suffer for their duty. Everything an antichrist does is about trying to bargain with God, delusionally hoping to trade a small price for great blessings. I reflected on myself. After I began believing in God and learned of His promises and blessings, and that people could enter the kingdom of heaven and gain eternal life, I became active in preaching the gospel and doing my duty. No matter how my family tried to stop me, how those around me mocked or insulted me, or even when I was persecuted by the great red dragon, I did not back down. Even when I was wracked with illness and couldn’t eat or sleep, I persisted in my duty. But when my illness worsened and I faced the threat of death, I complained about why God wasn’t protecting me and even regretted my years of forsaking things and expending myself, and regretted my faith. What I revealed was nothing but rebellion and betrayal toward God. I thought of Paul. He traveled all over Europe preaching the gospel, and he suffered a great deal and paid a high price, but his suffering and the price he paid were only to gain blessings and a crown. He said, “I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith: From now on there is laid up for me a crown of righteousness” (2 Timothy 4:7–8). Paul used his suffering and the price he paid as bargaining chips to try to make a deal with God, openly clamoring against Him. What he meant was that based on what he had expended and achieved, God had to give him rewards, a crown, and a good destination; otherwise, God wouldn’t be righteous. The disposition I had revealed was the same as Paul’s. Based on my actions, I deserved to perish, but God has still allowed me to live. This was a chance for me to repent, an act of God’s great mercy and grace.

I used to believe that no matter whether I encountered persecution, tribulation, or a life-threatening illness, as long as I could keep to my duty, I would have God’s care and protection and would be able to survive and be saved. From God’s words, I saw that this viewpoint was utterly absurd. Almighty God says: “Ultimately, whether people can attain salvation is not dependent on what duty they do, but on whether they can understand and gain the truth, and on whether they can, in the end, entirely submit to God, put themselves at the mercy of His orchestration, give no consideration to their future and destiny, and become a created being that is up to standard. God is righteous and holy, and these are the standards He uses to measure all mankind. These standards are immutable, and you must remember this” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Part Three). After reading God’s words, I finally understood that being saved is not about holding on to the outward practice of doing my duty. What’s crucial is to pursue and gain the truth in the course of one’s duty to achieve a dispositional change, and to learn lessons in the various environments God sets up, becoming able to submit to God and be at the mercy of His orchestrations just like Job. Only then can one meet the qualifications needed to be saved and to survive. I made a resolution in my prayer. No matter what my outcome would be, I was willing to be a created being with reason. If God still allowed me to live, I was willing to start anew, to let go of my intention to gain blessings, and to stop trying to bargain with God. I would do my duty to gain the truth and repay God’s love. If God has ordained that my life should end at this point, I was willing to submit to His orchestrations and arrangements. After that, my state improved a lot. Although my illness still didn’t get better, and I was in pain all over my body most of the time, and sometimes my mind wasn’t even very clear, my heart was at peace. I prayed to God time and time again, willing to place my life and death in His hands. I would submit to whatever He orchestrated.

After that, my health deteriorated further. Even a sip of water would make me nauseous and I’d vomit. I didn’t even have the strength to walk. What I remember most vividly was the night of September 18. I tossed and turned all night, unable to sleep. By dawn, I had a fever, and the pain throughout my body was unbearable. I prayed silently in my heart, “Oh God, I don’t think I’m going to make it. Though there is much I am reluctant to leave behind, I am a created being. Whether I live or die, whether I have a good outcome and destination or not, all I ask is to submit to Your orchestrations and arrangements.” I thought of God’s words: “Almighty God is an all-powerful physician!” “God’s word is potent medicine! It puts to shame devils and Satan! Grasping God’s word gives us support. His word acts fast to save our hearts! It dispels all things and sets all at peace” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Utterances of Christ in the Beginning, Chapter 6). Yes, God is almighty. Life and death are held within a single thought of God. Doctors can treat illnesses, but they can’t save a life. God is my only support, and only by living in His words can my spirit find peace. Pondering God’s words, I fell asleep without realizing it. It was the only time in over two years that I had fallen asleep without taking a sleeping pill, and I slept for nearly four hours. When I woke up, I felt much better mentally, and the pain had eased considerably. It was a feeling too wonderful to describe in words. Later, something even more miraculous happened. One evening after dinner, my husband was helping me take a walk downstairs when we ran into a woman about my age. She looked at me and asked, “Ma’am, why are you so weak?” My husband told her about my condition. She said, “I had a friend who was just like this. She was treated at a small hospital nearby, and now she’s all better.” The next day, my husband took me to that hospital. With just a few dozen yuan of Western medicine, my illness was cured. A month later, I was doing my duty normally again. Five months later, I gained back over 20 kilograms. Both my brothers and sisters and the nonbelievers who knew me all said it was a miracle. I knew clearly in my heart that it was entirely God’s mercy and grace, and God’s wondrous deeds. Thinking of how rebellious I had been before, constantly trying to bargain with God and deceiving Him in my duty, I was truly unworthy of enjoying such great grace from God. That I am still alive today and able to do my duty is God’s immense mercy and love for me. I thank God from the bottom of my heart, and I cherish this precious opportunity to do my duty.

Though my flesh endured some suffering as I experienced this illness, what I gained was a priceless treasure. I came to understand that believing in God is not about gaining blessings or benefits, but about pursuing the truth to be cleansed. Following God and doing the duty of a created being is my responsibility, and achieving submission to and fear of God is the goal I should pursue. Through this experience, I have come to deeply appreciate that “When sickness befalls, this is God’s love, and His good intentions are surely contained within it” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Utterances of Christ in the Beginning, Chapter 6). This is the truth, and it is also a fact! This experience is the most precious treasure of my life. It is God’s special love, a different kind of love. Thank God!