After the Afflictions, I Have a Firmer Love for God
Zhang Ren Jiangxi Province
My name is Zhang Ren, and I’m a Christian in. Since I began to know things, I saw my parents labor hard in the fields from morning till night every day for making money. Although they exerted much effort, they couldn’t earn much money after one year’s labor. So my family had been living a very poor life. When I saw those influential people live well without needing to labor hard, I envied them from the bottom of my heart. And I made a firm resolution that I would build up a career or get an official post after I grew up, so as to shake off our poverty and backwardness and let my parents live the life of the rich. However, after I strived for this ideal for years, it was still not fulfilled, and we still lived a very poor life. I often felt depressed and sighed for my accomplishing nothing, and I gradually lost my confidence in life. Just when I was discouraged and disappointed at life, ’s end-time came upon me. From Almighty God’s word, I knew the root of man’s suffering in living in this world and also understood how to live in a most meaningful and worthy way. From then on, I, lost and helpless, found the direction of life, came out of depression and decadence, had vitality and vigor, and saw the hope of life. Later, in order that those who still lived in misery and helplessness could also receive this rare salvation, I ran around preaching God’s end-time salvation actively. But unexpectedly, during my preaching the , I was arrested by the CCP government twice and suffered brutal and inhuman tortures…. In the dark den of the devil, Almighty God had always been with me, and his word gave me faith and strength, leading me to overcome satan’s influence of darkness time after time, so that my love for God became stronger.
It was one day in June 2003. When two brothers and I were preaching the gospel in a village, an evil man reported us. Afterward, five or six cops came in three police cars. Without asking anything, they handcuffed us, and then kicked and pushed us into the police cars and took us to the Public Security Bureau. In the car, I didn’t feel very frightened. I thought that since we preached the gospel for people to be saved and we had done nothing wrong, as long as we said it clearly there, the cops would release us. However, I never knew that the CCP police are even crueler than those ruffians and villains. After we got to the Public Security Bureau, the cops began to interrogate us separately without giving us a chance to explain. As soon as I entered the interrogation room, one evil cop roared at me, “The CCP’s policy is to be lenient to those who confess and harsh to those who resist. Do you know it?” Then they questioned me about my personal information. Seeing that my answers were not to his satisfaction, a cop came near to me, snorted and said, “You are dishonest. If we don’t give you some color, you won’t tell the truth.” Then he waved his hand and said, “Get a few bricks and torture him!” As soon as he finished his words, two cops came to me, pulled one of my hands backward over my shoulder and pulled the other backward up my waist, and forcibly pulled them together and handcuffed them. Immediately, my arms ached unbearably as if they were broken. How could I, who was weak, stand such torture? After a short time, I collapsed on the ground. Seeing that, the evil cops pulled the handcuffs and lifted them up forcefully, and then put two bricks between my hands and back. Immediately, the sharp pain pierced my heart like numerous ants gnawing my bones. In agony, I kept calling to God, “Almighty God, save me; Almighty God, save me….” At that time, it was just about three months since I had accepted God’s end-time salvation, so I hadn’t equipped myself with many of God’s words and understood few truths. But, with my constantly calling out to God, God gave me faith and strength, so that I had a firm belief within: I must standfor God and will never yield to satan! So, I clenched my teeth and kept silent all the time. The evil cops were exasperated. In order to subdue me, they used malicious means: They put two bricks on the ground and forced me to kneel on them, and then at the same time they lifted my handcuffs with force. Immediately, my arms ached overwhelmingly as if they were broken. I fought the pain to kneel for several minutes and then collapsed on the ground again. The evil cops forcefully lifted my handcuffs again and forced me to continue kneeling. Just in that way, they tortured me over and again. It was the period of dog days. I felt painful and hot, with great drops of sweat dripping down my face unceasingly. I felt so bad that I couldn’t breathe and almost fainted. But that gang of evil cops gloated aside, “Comfortable? If you still refuse to tell us, we have a great many ways to torture you!” Seeing me give no reply, they said exasperatedly, “You aren’t satisfied? Again!” … After being tortured for two or three hours, I felt painful and weak all over, collapsed on the ground unable to move, and even became incontinent. Facing the evil cops’ cruel tortures, I really hated myself for being so blind and ignorant before. I fondly thought that I would have someone to reason with in the Public Security Bureau, and that the cops would do me justice and release me. Unexpectedly, they were so fierce and cruel. Without any evidence, they interrogated me by cruel tortures and tried to fix me to death. They were really malicious to the extreme! Lying on the ground, I felt as if I were going to come apart and could hardly move. I didn’t know how they would torture me or how long I could hold on. Painful and helpless, I could do nothing but keep crying to God inwardly to give me strength, so that I could hold on. Then, God pitied me and made me remember God’s words, “Now is the crucial moment. Do not lose heart. Do not be discouraged. Look forward in everything and do not walk the way back. … As long as you have one breath left, you should persist to the end. Such is a good one.” (from “The Twentieth Piece of Word” in ) God’s words gave me great faith and strength. Right! Since I’m walking a bright and just way, I should have faith to walk along it. Even if I have just one breath left, I’ll hold on to the end! God’s word, with life force, gave me the faith and courage to continue fighting against the devils, and gradually I recovered some strength. Then, the evil cops continued to question me and kept stomping my feet fiercely, grinding them into a bloody pulp, but I didn’t feel any pain. I knew that was God’s wonderful deed. It was God who showed mercy to me and sympathized with my weakness and relieved my pain. Later, the evil cops detained us on the charge of “disturbing the social order.” That night, they handcuffed us separately to a big concrete block weighing about three or four hundred jin. We were handcuffed there until the next evening, and then they sent us to the local detention house.
After I entered the detention house, I felt as if I had fallen into Hades and hell. The prison guards forced me to thread colored lights. At first, they ordered me to thread 6,000 a day. Later, the quantity was increased day by day, and it grew to 12,000 a day in the end. Because of every day’s overwork, my fingers were broken, but I still couldn’t finish the task. Having no choice, I had to do threading around the clock. Sometimes, I really couldn’t bear it and wanted to doze off. But once they saw that, I would be beaten up. The prison guards also publicly instigated the prison bullies, saying, “If these prisoners can’t finish the task or do well, you just give them two shots of ‘penicillin.’” The so-called “penicillin” is that one thrusts his knee into a prisoner’s crotch, then strikes him on the back hard with an elbow when he bends down from pain, and then stomps his instep with his heel. Such brutal means can sometimes make one faint on the spot or even be disabled for life. In the demonic prison, every day I did heavy work and got beaten cruelly. Moreover, the three meals we ate each day were even worse than what pigs and dogs eat. The vegetables we ate were radish leaves and swamp cabbage without any oil or salt. (Rotten leaves and roots, sand, or dirt were often mixed in them.) And the rest were a cup of water discarded after washing rice and 150 grams of rice. My stomach rumbled from hunger every day. In such an environment, my only reliance was Almighty God. Whenever I was beaten, I desperately prayed, asking God to give me faith and strength, so that I could overcome satan’s temptation. After being afflicted and tortured for over twenty days, I was only a shadow of my former self: My limbs were weak, I couldn’t stand up, and my hands were too weak to spread. However, the frenzied guards not only shut their eyes to me but also pocketed the several hundred yuan my family sent to me. Later, my health was declining. I was so weak that I began to complain in my heart, “Why do we have to undergo such suffering in believing in God in this country? Isn’t it for saving others that I preached the gospel? I didn’t do anything bad….” The more I thought, the more I felt distressed and mistreated. So I could only keep praying to God, asking God to pity and save me. In misery and helplessness, God led me to think of a hymn of God’s word, “Maybe you all remember this word: ‘For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, works for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory.’ In the past, you all heard this word, but none of you understood its true meaning. Today, you deeply know its real meaning. This word will be accomplished by God in the end time, and it will be accomplished in people in the place of the great red dragon who are cruelly persecuted by it. Because it is the persecutor of God and the enemy of God, people in this place all suffer humiliations and persecutions for believing in God. So, this word is accomplished in you group of people. Because the work is carried out in the place that resists God, all God’s work is greatly hindered, and many of God’s words cannot be accomplished in time. Thus people suffer refining because of God’s word. This is also a part of the ‘affliction.’” (from “God Has Paid All the Price on You” in Follow the Lamb and Sing New Songs) God’s words gave me great comfort and encouragement and made me understand. Because we in an atheistic country, we’re bound to be oppressed and persecuted by satan the devil. But it’s worthy and meaningful to undergo such suffering, and it’s permitted by God. Through such persecution and tribulation coming upon us, God works the truth into us, so that we’ll be qualified and capable to inherit God’s promises. The “suffering” is God’s blessing; it’s a testimony of God’s defeating satan and also a powerful evidence of my being gained by God. Today I undergo such persecution of the devil because of following God; this is a special favor to me. I ought to accept it gladly and readily. I also remembered the words God spoke in the Age of the Grace, “Blessed are they which are persecuted for righteousness’ sake: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.” (Matthew 5:10) At that time, I had more faith and strength: No matter how satan the devil tortures me, I will never yield to it and will pledge my life to stand testimony to satisfy God! God’s words, with authority and power, removed my desolation and helplessness within, and relieved the pain of my flesh which was greatly afflicted, so that I saw the light in darkness and also felt stronger and had more strength in my spirit.
Later, without any evidence, the CCP government forcibly sentenced me to one year of hard labor. When the evil cops escorted me to the labor camp, the officer dared not accept me for fear that I would die because he saw that I was skin and bones, no longer like a man. So, the evil cops had to take me back to the detention house. At that time, I had been tormented by the evil cops too much to eat anything. However, they not only didn’t give me medical treatment, but instead, they said that I was pretending to be sick. Seeing that I couldn’t eat, they asked others to pry my mouth open and force me to eat. Seeing that I couldn’t swallow, they beat me. I was forced to eat and beaten by them like a toy three times. Seeing that I really couldn’t eat, they had no choice but to take me to the hospital. After the examination, it was discovered that my blood vessels were already hardened, and my blood was black and pasty and could hardly circulate. The doctor said, “If this man continues to be imprisoned, he’ll certainly die.” But the vicious evil cops still didn’t let me off. Later, I only had a faint breath left, and the prisoners all said that I was hopeless and would surely die. At that time, I felt greatly distressed in my heart, “I’m so young and I have just seen God’s coming again and haven’t enjoyed many beautiful times, much less seen the day God gains glory, but I’ll be tortured to death by the CCP government. I’m really unwilling. I bitterly hate this gang of conscienceless demonic cops, and even more bitterly hate the CCP government, the evil party that pushes reactionary policies and goes against Heaven. It deprives me of my freedom of following the true God. It attempts to put me to death and doesn’t allow me to worship the true God. This heinous satan the devil is indeed God’s irreconcilable enemy, and even more is my mortal enemy. Even if it tortures me to death today, I’ll never yield and give in to it!” In indignation, I thought of God’s words, “The hatred of the ages is kept in heart; the evil of all ages is borne in heart. How could this not arouse people’s hatred? Avenge God, and exterminate this enemy of God thoroughly. How dare it be rampant, and how dare it kick and run amuck frantically! Now is the time. People have long readied all their strength to consecrate all the effort and all the price to this, tearing up the ugly face of this devil, and causing those who are blinded and suffer hardships and afflictions to rise up from the miseries and rebel against this old devil!” (from “Work and Entering In (8)” in The Word Appears in the Flesh) Pondering God’s words, I saw more clearly the CCP government’s maliciousness and cruelty. And I realized this: Now I’m facing a war between life and death, justice and evil. The CCP government tortures me so much just in order to force me to reject and betray God. But God reminds and encourages me to stand strongly and transcend the bondage of death and bear an overcoming testimony for God. I can’t be passive and despondent. I’ll try my best to cooperate with God,’s manipulation and arrangement, obeying unto death like Peter, and bear a strong and resounding testimony for God to comfort his heart at the last moment of my life. My life is in God’s hand. Although satan can torture and kill my body, it can never hinder my heart from believing in God and pursuing the truth. Today, I don’t care whether I can live on, but only wish to commit my life to God and submit to his manipulation. Even if I’m tortured to death, I’ll never yield to satan! When I was ready to give up my life and resolved to bear testimony for God, God made a way out for me, raising up those prisoners to feed me. At that time, I was very moved in my heart. I deeply knew that God was by my side and was with me all the time and that he had been caring for and keeping me, sympathizing with my weakness, and arranging everything for me carefully. In the devil’s dark den, my flesh was greatly afflicted, but my heart didn’t feel so distressed or bad. Later, the evil cops imprisoned me for 15 more days. Seeing that I was already breathing weakly and might die at any time, they had to release me. Within nearly two months after I was imprisoned, I, who weighed over 50 kilos before, was reduced to a skeleton about 25 to 30 kilos by the torture, and was at death’s door. Even so, those devils wanted to fine me 10,000 yuan. In the end, as my family really couldn’t afford the money, they forcibly demanded 600 yuan for my food expenses and then released me.
After I suffered the CCP government’s brutal and inhuman torture, I felt as if I made a trip to the gate of hell. I could get out alive completely because of God’s care and keeping, and it was God’s great salvation for me. Thinking about God’s love, I was greatly moved within, and I felt more deeply that God’s word is precious. So, I read God’s word thirstily every day and often prayed to God. Gradually, I had more and more knowledge of the work of saving man which God does in the end time. As time went on, under God’s care, I was restored to health little by little. Afterward, I began to preach the gospel again, testifying God’s end-time work. However, unless and until satan collapses, it won’t stop disturbing and destroying God’s work. Later, I was arrested frenziedly again by the CCP police.
One day in November 2004, the wind was piercingly cold and a heavy snow was falling. Several brothers and sisters and I were secretly shadowed by the CCP cops while we were preaching the gospel. At 8 p.m., we were having a meeting. Suddenly there was a rapid knocking and shouts, “Open the door! Open the door! We’re the police! If you don’t open the door, we’ll break it down! …” Without thinking further, we hurriedly hid the VCD players and books away. After a short time, five or six cops broke in like bandits and robbers. One of them roared angrily, “Don’t move! Squat down against the wall with your hands behind your heads!” Then, the others rushed into each room and searched the whole house. They took away four portable VCD players and some books on believing in God. After that, they forced us into police cars and took us to the police station. On the way, thinking of the scenes of my being tortured cruelly by the evil cops last year, I couldn’t help feeling nervous. I didn’t know how they would torture me this time. I was afraid that I couldn’t bear their cruel tortures and then would do things of betraying God. So, I prayed to God desperately in my heart. Suddenly, I thought of God’s words that were fellowshipped about at a meeting the other day, “I am full of hope for all the brothers and sisters and believe that you will not be discouraged or disappointed, and that no matter what God does, you will all be like a basin of fire, and will not be cold but can endure to the end, until God’s work is completely manifested….” (from “The Way… (8)” in The Word Appears in the Flesh) “Let’s all swear before God: Endeavor together! Be faithful to the end! Never part! Be together forever! I wish that all brothers and sisters can make such a resolution before God, so that our heart will never change and our will will never waver!” (from “The Way… (5)” in The Word Appears in the Flesh) God’s words shocked my heart deeply, “God comes to the earth from heaven and has gone through innumerable hardships to work to save man. He hopes that man can be faithful to him to the end and never leave him in any adverse environment. I, as a person who is selected by God and enjoys the supply of God’s word, should offer up my whole being to God. No matter what great sufferings and tortures come upon me, I should be full of confidence, and my heart for God shouldn’t change, and my will shouldn’t waver. I should bear a resounding testimony for God, and can never yield and give in to satan, much less betray God for an ignoble existence. God is my reliance and even more my strong rear guard. As long as I truly cooperate with God, God will surely lead me to defeat satan.” So, I made a resolution to God inwardly, “O God! I’m ready to give up my life this time, and I must stand testimony for you. No matter what sufferings I undergo, I’ll hold fast to the true way and never yield to satan! …” Encouraged by God’s words, I was full of confidence and had the faith and resolution to give up everything to bear testimony for God.
After arriving at the police station, the evil cops hurried to the fire stove to warm themselves up, and they questioned me harshly with fierce looks, “Speak quickly! What’s your name? How many people have you preached to? Who do you contact with? Who is your leader?” Seeing that I said nothing, one evil cop showed his beastly nature. He rushed toward me and fiercely held my neck and kept hitting my head against the wall hard. I felt disoriented with my ears buzzing. Then he raised his fist and hit my face and head violently. While hitting me, he cursed, “Shit! You’re a leader, aren’t you? Say it! If you don’t tell me, today I’ll hang you to the roof and freeze you to death!” The evil cops kept beating me up for at least over half an hour. I was beaten so hard that I saw stars and my nose bled unceasingly. Failing to get any result from me, they escorted us to the Public Security Bureau. On the way, when I thought of the evil cops’ fierce beating just now, I couldn’t help feeling a wave of fear, “They laid such malicious hands on me at the police station. If I’m sent to the Public Security Bureau, I don’t know what cruel means the evil cops there will use to torture me. I’m afraid I’ll be in danger this time, and may not be able to get out alive….” Thinking of that, I felt an inexpressible despair and sadness in my heart. In agony and helplessness, I suddenly remembered the experience last year when I was tortured so much that I was on the verge of death but God made me survive miraculously. I felt enlightened in my heart at once, “Isn’t my life and death in God’s hand? Without God’s permission, no matter how satan tries to put me to death, it won’t succeed. In the past, I already saw God’s wonderful deed, yet today how can I forget it? How can I have no?” Then, I saw that I was really too small in stature and that when I encountered the trial of death, I couldn’t stand on God’s side. I couldn’t help remembering God’s words, “Living in the mind, you will fall into satan’s trap and come to a dead end. Now, it is very simple. Look to me with your heart, and immediately you will be strong in your spirit and have ways of practice. I will lead you at your every step, and my word will be revealed to you anywhere and anytime. No matter when and where it is and how adverse the environment is, as long as your heart looks to me, I will surely let you see clearly, my heart will surely be revealed to you, and you will not get lost when running forward.” (from “The Thirteenth Piece of Word” in The Word Appears in the Flesh) God’s word is the guiding light, making my mind clearer. I realized this: Now God wants to purify and perfect me through such a hard environment, making me drop my own notions and imaginations and only rely on God and act according to his word at the time of danger and difficulty. This is just the crucial moment when God leads me to experience his work. I’ll never draw back. I’ll completely commit my life and death into God’s hand and rely on God to fight against satan to the end. I can never miss this opportunity of being perfected by God.
After arriving at the Public Security Bureau, the cops began to interrogate us separately. They continued to force me to tell about things concerning my believing in God. Because I said nothing all the time, an evil cop flew into a rage, “How dare you play silent with us? I don’t have the patience!” Saying that, he seized my collar with both hands, and fiercely threw me to the ground like pitching a sandbag. Right then, the other evil cops came up together and kicked and stomped me violently. I ached so much that I writhed on the ground. And then they trod on my head and ground it violently back and forth…. I was still not well enough after last year’s cruel tortures, and today I suffered such a brutal beating again. Immediately, I felt dizzy and sick. Severely painful all over, I huddled up. Then, the evil cops forcibly took off my shoes and socks and forced me to stand on the floor. My teeth couldn’t help chattering, and my feet were numb and senseless with cold. I felt that I couldn’t bear any longer and would collapse on the ground at any time. Confronted with the evil cops’ cruel tortures, I couldn’t help burning with anger and being filled with indignation. I hated those extremely ferocious devilish lackeys and the evil and reactionary CCP government. It opposes Heaven and is hostile to God. In order to force me to betray and reject God, it afflicted and tortured me and attempted to put me to death. Facing satan’s cruelty and ferocity, I missed God’s love all the more. For the sake of saving mankind, for the sake of our future existence, God endures great humiliations and sufferings and personally comes to the world to work. He once laid down his life for us; now he expresses the words earnestly and patiently and leads us to walk the way of pursuing the truth to be saved…. Counting the painstaking care and price God has expended for saving mankind, I felt that only God loves me the most and only God values my life the most, while satan can only afflict me and devour and kill me. At that time, I even more felt attached to God and adored God in my heart. I couldn’t help praying to God silently, “O God! Thank you for leading and saving me like this. Today, no matter how satan tortures me, I will do my best to cooperate with you, and would rather die than yield and give in to it!” Under the encouragement of God’s love, although my flesh was tortured weak, I was strong and powerful within, and I never yielded to the evil cops. They kept torturing me until 1 a.m. As they really couldn’t get any result, they had to send me to the detention house.
After I was taken there, the evil cops instigated a prison bully to fix me by every possible means. At that time, I was already covered with bruises by their torments, limp all over, so I fell headfirst to the cold floor as soon as I entered the cell. Seeing that, the prison bully lifted me up without a word and swung his fist to punch my head violently. I was beaten senseless and then collapsed on the ground heavily. Later, the prisoners all came to tease me. I was forced to put one of my hands on the ground and cover my ear with the other, moving around on the ground like a pair of compasses. Seeing that I collapsed dizzily after a few circles, they punched and kicked me again. One of them gave me a heavy punch in my stomach and knocked me out then and there. Afterward, instigated by the prison guards, the prisoners tortured and maltreated me by various means every day. They asked me to do all the dirty and hard work every day, such as washing dishes and cleaning the toilet, and they even forced me to have cold showers in snowy days. Moreover, each time I took the shower, they forced me to soap myself down first, and then had cold water flow slowly from my head to my feet for about half an hour. I was frozen purple and shivered with cold all over. Facing that inhuman torture and affliction, I prayed to God unceasingly, for fear that I would completely become a captive of satan if I left God. Through the prayer, God’s words were guiding me within all the time, “The overcomer God speaks about is one who, under the influence of satan and the siege of satan, that is, in the forces of darkness, can still stand the testimony, and can still keep his original faith and keep his faithfulness to God. In any case, you can still keep your pure heart before God and keep your true love for God. Thus you have stood the testimony before God. This is the overcomer God speaks about.” (from “You Should Hold on to Your Faithfulness to God” in The Word Appears in the Flesh) God’s word is light, the light to save man, making my mind become clear. I realized this: When I’m besieged by satan, it’s just the time for me to have faithfulness and love for God, and it’s also the time for God to perfect and gain me. Although this hard environment brings pains and torments to my flesh, there are God’s great love and blessing hidden behind it. This blessing is the way of eternal life God bestows to man. So, when undergoing sufferings, I told myself again and again, “I must endure to the end and accept God’s personal perfection and purification of the end time. I should rely on God’s leading to bear testimony for God in the devil’s dark den, and pursue to be perfected by God to be an overcomer.” Under the guiding and leading of God’s words, I became strong and powerful in my heart. Even if my flesh was weak and painful, I still had faith to endure everything to fight a life-and-death war against satan, and bear testimony for God with my life.
After being imprisoned for over twenty days, I suddenly caught a bad cold. I felt aching in my limbs, weak all over, and was in a daze. As my illness got worse and the prisoners beat and tortured me endlessly, I felt I could no longer hold on. I was very weak and depressed in my heart, thinking, “When will such days of being tortured and afflicted come to an end? Probably I’m going to be sentenced this time, and there’s little hope of my getting out alive….” At that thought, I felt as if my heart had fallen into the abyss all at once. I sank in despair and misery and couldn’t extricate myself. At the time of danger and difficulty, a hymn of God’s word resounded in my ears, “God’s requirement is not that you have many pleasant words or many gripping stories in your mouth, but that you bear a good testimony for God and you go deep into reality in everything. … Stop thinking about your own future, but do as you say in your resolution ‘to submit to God’s manipulation in everything.’ All those who stand in God’s house should do all you can and offer your best portion for the last part of God’s work on earth. Are you really willing to practice this way?” (from “Can You Really Submit to God’s Manipulation” in Follow the Lamb and Sing New Songs) Every word of God struck my heart and made me feel disgraced and ashamed. I thought, “Before I wept bitterly many times and resolved to be faithful to God and obey his manipulation and arrangement in everything. But now, when God really needs me to satisfy him with an actual price, I fear death, care about the future and destiny of my flesh, and completely ignore God’s will, only wanting to break away from the adverse environment and escape to a safe place soon. I’m really so low and worthless, and my faith in God is too little and my deception to God is too much. I don’t have true consecration to God, much less any true obedience.” Then I understood this: In God’s end-time work, what God wants is man’s true love and faithfulness; this is God’s last requirement and charge to man. I, as a believer in God, should commit my whole being into God’s hand, because my life is given by God and my life and death are both decided by God. Since I’ve chosen God, I should offer up myself for God and submit to his manipulation. No matter what suffering and humiliation I have to endure, I should be faithful to God by my actual actions and shouldn’t have my own choice or demand. This is my duty and the sense I should have. Today, that I can still have this breath and still live is completely because of God’s keeping and care and the supply of God’s life. Otherwise, wouldn’t I have long been afflicted to death by the devils? The first time when I underwent such a great suffering and tribulation, God led me to overcome it. So, what reason do I have to lose faith in God now? How can I still be passive and weak and flinch and escape? Thinking of that, I silently repented to God, “O Almighty God! I’m too selfish and greedy. I only want to enjoy your love and blessings, but I’m not willing to truly consecrate myself to you. Once I suffer a little, I want to get free and escape. I’ve really grieved your heart. O God! I’m no longer willing to continue to be depressed, but willing to obey your manipulation and arrangement and accept your leading. Even if I’ll be imprisoned for life, I’ll stand testimony for you; even if I’m tortured to death, I’ll be faithful to you!” After the prayer, my heart was moved greatly. Although my illness remained, in my heart I had the faith and resolution to never give up until I satisfy God. When I resolved to bear testimony for God even at the cost of my life, God again personally made a way out for me. One morning, when getting out of bed, I had no sensation in my feet. I couldn’t stand up at all, much less walk. At first, the evil cops didn’t believe it. They thought that I was pretending and forced me to stand up. But I failed no matter how hard I tried. The next day, the guards came to examine me. When they found that my feet were cold as ice, without any sign of the blood circulating at all, they believed that I was really paralyzed. Then, they informed my family to take me back home. On the very day I arrived home, I regained the feeling in my feet miraculously and could walk perfectly! I deeply knew it was all because Almighty God showed consideration for my weakness and personally made a way out for me so that I successfully escaped from satan’s den after being unlawfully detained by the CCP government for one month.
In experiencing the CCP government’s two times of arrests and brutal tortures, although I suffered a little in my flesh and even nearly died, those two uncommon experiences became a firm foundation on the way of my believing in God. In sufferings and tribulations, Almighty God gave me the most practical watering of the truth and life supply. It caused me to see clearly the CCP government’s devilish face of hating the truth and being against God, know its towering crimes of frenziedly resisting God and persecuting the believers of God, and also experience the power and authority of God’s word. I could narrowly escape death twice from the CCP’s talons and it was completely the care and mercy of God’s love, and was even more the expression and proof of God’s transcendent life force. I deeply felt that at any time and in any place, Almighty God is my only reliance and salvation. All my life, no matter what danger and tribulation I may encounter, I’ll steadfastly follow Almighty God, actively proclaim God’s word and testify God’s name, and repay God’s love with my true consecration.
God’s Word Led Me to Overcome the Suppression of the Force of Darkness
In times of danger, God accompanied me all the time, inspired and enlightened me through his word, gave me faith and strength, and led me to overcome the cruel tortures time and again and pass through three long years of dark life in the devil’s prison. Facing God’s great salvation, I’m full of gratitude and have greater faith.
A Youth Spent Without Regret
“‘Love’ means a pure and unblemished affection, to love with the heart, to feel with the heart, and to care with the heart; in ‘love’ there is no condition, no barrier, and no distance; in ‘love’ there is no suspicion; in ‘love’ there is no cheat, no deal, and no cunning; in ‘love’ there is no choice; and in ‘love’ there is not any mixture.” (from “Pure and Unblemished Love” in Follow the Lamb and Sing New Songs) This hymn of God’s word accompanied me through the long and painful seven years and four months of prison life. The CCP government deprived me of the best years of my youth, yet from Almighty God I got the most precious and practical truths. So I have no regrets!
Almighty God Rescued Me from the Desperate Situations
Due to the experience in the detention house, I thought of Joseph spontaneously. When he was in Egypt’s prison, God was with him and bestowed grace to him so that what he did all went well. Today I just conducted myself according to God’s requirements and obeyed God’s manipulation and arrangement, and then God was with me, helping me come safely out of danger in every aspect. I thanked God for his grace from the bottom of my heart!
After Undergoing the Devil’s Affliction, I Knew More Clearly God’s Grace Is Precious
God loves me with deep and earnest affection. Even when I wanted to die because of my weakness in the flesh, God still cared for and kept me in secret and didn’t let me die. No matter how weak I was, God never intended to give me up or changed his love for me, but still inspired and led me, so that I could walk out of the dense fog.